


Like I'm gonna lose You

by xSouLx



Category: BBC Sherlock, Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Brother Feels, Brother-Sister Relationships, Brotherly Love, Dark Mycroft Holmes, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Hurt Mycroft, It is Never Twins, Mycroft Whump, Mycroft is in psychiatric hospital, Mycroft-centric, Overprotective Sherlock, Past Abuse, Protective Mycroft, Sherlock Being Sherlock, Sherlock Feels Guilty, Sherlock Is A Bit Not Good, Sick Mycroft, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2018-03-15
Packaged: 2018-12-07 02:08:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 80,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11613708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xSouLx/pseuds/xSouLx
Summary: Most personal wars aren't driven by hatred as most people think, it's because of love, love to your family and friends. Mycroft is no different than any other human being, vengeful, pretending and just he keep making bad decisions, there's a thin line between love and hate, could Sherlock help avoid his brother's dark descent?





	1. Autumn

\- "Did you ever take minutes to think of what say yourself?, no consequences at all?" - A question unanswered, because Mycroft really thought it would be so, the most powerful man in England, in theory was like a character in a play, a puppet that benefited to the government of the day, the older brother believed that he could handle the circumstances at his whim as he had so many other times, lying, manipulating, and if necessary threatening, but when Sherrinford incident reached the ears of the Prime Minister and the Queen herself it needed more than having Mycroft's abilities to run away, and the government this time needed silenced him.

This was a long night like another ones, Mycroft was constantly looking at the white ceiling, he knew the place very well, he had been one of the designers and now he was trapped in his own creation, the unbelievers would think in divine justice and they had damm right, a dim light came from aisle, very slightly he could hear as the sea crashed against the rocks and imagined the breeze on his face, imagination was all he could have to at this moment.

In the morning he pressed the sheets tightly, Mycroft always controlled his emotions but now no one was watching him, he felt rage in the most primitive way, he felt pain inside him something deeper than the humiliation he had received, the darkest feeling he had denied for years, it was beginning to be born within him. - Eurus will be sent to Nightingale Hospital - Mycroft had no choice, his sister would not have the privileged attention she had in Sherrinford, psychiatric experiment, it was not an option. - Sherlock will go to his mission in Eastern Europe - losing his brother would break his heart; he had no choice but to accept his fate.

\- "13, you have a visitor" - said the voice of the tall, thin man, Mycroft sighed deeply, - Yes, of course, it is Sherlock - thought the older man, he took his book and from among the pages he took a dragon, origami was not his thing but it was something that he learned as a child, he always made new designs for Sherlock. He approached the window pane that separated the two men.

\- "This is for him." - It was the longest sentence Mycroft had uttered in weeks, smiled slightly as he tried to conceal his grief, the man nodded and then walked down the hall, Mycroft stood listening, leaning his head on the small window until the man's footsteps were lost behind the door.

Sherlock was sitting in a small office guarded by cameras and microphones, impatient as ever, the last 92 days had been torture for him, of course he kept the account, days, hours and every detail, he had come  to Sherrinford every week to see his brothers, only Eurus was ready to see him every time, Mycroft was in a perpetual silence. But why?

For a moment Sherlock thought his brother would appear through that door, but he knew he would not allow himself to be seen handcuffed or something much worse. "Sir!" Sherlock held out his hand to receive what appeared to be a paper, a dragon made from the remains of napkins, - the dragon-slayer, of course -  he thought, and Mycroft had been one of them, a dragon of many who live in London. Sherlock smiled resignedly, closed his eyes and kept the dragon in the pocket of his coat thinking that Mycroft had not completely forgotten.

_The Night_

Mycroft had planned this very well, he knew better the security of Sherrinford, perhaps he did not have the skills of Eurus to manipulate the people but if to remember the procedures, guard changes, rounds, blind spots of the cameras and most importantly Mycroft knew that the human being was an animal of habits, never change the passwords more than twice in the month, he being only meters of Eurus the anxiety increased, Mycroft took the access card that had robbed to him to a nurse, his hand trembled, but without hesitation, he slipped the card slowly, in seconds the door opened, Mycroft´s heart throbbed in his chest and he could feel each beat, without thinking he entered his sister's cell, only a dim light illuminated the place and at last he's looking at his reflection in the glass, his uniform was gray cloth, white shoes, and a huge number of identification on his back - 13 -, it was no longer the Mycroft properly shaved or his elegant suit , he looked at his sister who was lying down apparently sleeping, without a glance of sight he sat on the floor and before he leaned his back on the cold wall, Eurus finally looked at him.

\- "Why did you take so long?" - She asked casually. Mycroft inulently tried to control his breathing, but his sister still gave him an inexplicable terror. She slowly pulled out her hand between the sheets and offering it to Mycroft, the older brother silently take it, the white skin warm and soft, the deep blue eyes shining through the dim light.

\- "How are you?" - His uncertain, weak voice was no match for the Eurus´s cold.

\- “Did you not come alone to that, isn´t, Mycroft?" - Mycroft smiled, looking at the floor he remembered that only months ago it was stained with blood, the macabre scene would not be erased of his memory ever. The red light came back suddenly, the alarm began to ring alerting the guards, the older brother looked at Eurus knew he had no more time and he tightened his sister's hand.

\- "Sorry, I'm really sorry, Eurus" - the words were sincere but never enough.

\- "Mycroft, if I once made you believe that I would forgive you in this life, I'm sorry it more, but there is no desire for forgiveness, you and I will not be more what we were in our childhood because we are separated by an abyss of hatred and loneliness." - Each word of Eurus was a stab on older brother, Mycroft glanced aside to keep Eurus from seeing his damp eyes. Even so he never let go of his hand, the guards forced the entrance door and before they pounced on Mycroft.

\- "Goodbye, sister mine" – his voice was sad and suddenly he took it by force, throwing it against the wall.

"No, what are you doing¡," - said Eurus, surprised Mycroft watched as his sister stretched out her hand for protection, a guard came forward with a gun to Eurus, and Mycroft needed all the attention on him, it was then that he kick the guard by throwing him to the floor, handcuffed and unable to defend himself a third guard hit him with the butt of the rifle in the stomach, Mycroft fell to his knees writhing in pain and the guard who was still on the floor kicked him in the head, leaving him unconscious. 

By the time Mycroft woke up he was sitting on a wooden chair, with his hands cuffed back, it was dark and a light could be seen below the door, the room was a warehouse, it was full of unused things, Mycroft did not recognize in which part of Sherrinford was, he looked around for signs, a thin figure leaning against a shelf, just he could see the cigarette light on.

\- "Well, Sir, I was punished in the “hole” for two days, but before we get there, I have 10 minutes to entertain myself with you." - Mycroft closed his eyes, and his breathing was agitated, there was no one else there, alone. - "I'm afraid I like it the silence on these occasions, I can concentrate better while I do, if I may?" - the guard stood right behind Mycroft, took a towel with both hands and forced the older brother open his mouth .

\- The more you resist the more I enjoy it Sir "- the guard tightened the towel sadistically, Mycroft moaned in pain and could barely breathe -" Now you will know that you should not hit a guard, now you will know who rules here "- the guard slowly began to undress Mycroft by breaking his clothes with a sharp knife, the older brother could not believe what was going on, always believed that in his life perhaps he would be tortured or killed, it was a risk, but never this, it was not his option, desperate he tried to get away from the handcuffs, in his fight his wrists began to bleed.

Many times Mycroft signed and authorized this type of "treatments", but it was never personal, he would never have to see it, Sherrinford as Guantanamo was a lawless place, where everything was allowed to get the necessary and unnecessary,

 

The guard was playing with the knife across Mycroft's neck, - "I wonder if your little friend bleeds as much as you, it's something we'll have to find out, do not you think?" - the words were macabre, Mycroft reacted violently, the guard looked into his eyes that glittered with hatred. - "Yes, yes, we all lose something in this life" - a malevolent smile was drawn on the face man and that was all that Mycroft would have liked to remember.


	2. Autumn II

Sherlock was looking concentrated the dark liquid inside the cup, searching for some clue, it was just a stupid cup of coffee, and he felt guilty hiding from John, more than 10 years living in Baker Street and never before he had been in Speedy’s Café, but the truth is that the detective didn’t know who else to talk, a shadow was interposed between his thoughts and your mug.

\- "Why are we here Sherlock?” - Molly left her coat on the chair.

\- "Because I can't talk about this while John's in the flat" - Molly looked at him curiously, she was intrigued.

\- "It must be something important if you hide from John" - She watched the Sherlock's sad expression, Molly could also deduce it to him.

\- "It's about Mycroft, I can’t talk about him without John getting angry." - Sherlock hung his head.

\- "I see, well here I am, Sherlock." - There was silence between them; Molly ordered a cup of tea.

\- "What am I supposed to do, Molly?" - Sherlock's voice hid his despair.

\- "There's nothing you can do for now. Sherlock, your brother made his own decisions. I honestly think Mycroft feels guilty for having lied to you, spend five months in prison, it was enough" - Molly said, taking the piece of paper from Sherlock´s hands. - “Mycroft did it, a dragon?" - She asked.

\- "Yes, he always did these things to me when I was a child, when I was sad, he keeps forgetting that I'm not a child anymore" - he sighed deeply and sadly looked at Molly - "This is how we should deal with this?, always avoiding us, pretending that everything is fine, I’m really sick of this, Molly "- his voice was almost inaudible, for some reason it was not difficult for him to talk about these things with Molly.

\- "Sherlock, have you ever thought about Mycroft's life since he lied to you?- I don’t think it was easy for him to think that someday...maybe he would be hated by his own family, he made the wrong decisions because your brother was alone" - For Sherlock to put himself on his brother's shoes was something weird.

\- "I try, Molly!" - Sherlock put his hands behind his head, knew that he and Mycroft were very different, but even so Sherlock felt a deep love for his older brother even if he denied it. - "I would never have lied to my parents Molly, not like this way" – Molly start to laugh. - "Why are you laughing? - asked a little bit annoying.

\- "Because it's true you've never had the need to lie, Sherlock" - Molly grabbed Sherlock's arm - "the only sure thing is that about you two, Mycroft loves you more than I would have imagined, maybe he is a bloody arrogant and he's always spying on you, yes, Mycroft is annoying, his insecurity is a sign of how much he cares about you, maybe he'll never tell you how much admire you or miss you, Sherlock, maybe not the way you expect, but certain thing is, Mycroft was always there for you and it's more than I can say about my own family." - Sherlock looked into her eyes.

\- "and according to you must forgive Mycroft?" - Sherlock voice pretending not to be affected.

\- "Sherlock, I know you're disappointed of him, even though it seems irrational  but he did it for something more noble, for you, I think something may change between you and Mycroft, and if after all the attempts are not what you expected, something is definitive, there is family with which we are born and there is family we do.”

Molly's words sounded so simple but really it was not, he would have to face Mycroft for the first time, the difficult part, Sherlock had never talked about his feelings, they had never talked about anything at all, always their conversations were tense and testing the limits with unpleasant and harmful words. - What does Mycroft feel? - Sherlock knew that Mycroft was between Eurus and him, a rational part and a repressed heart, Mycroft had buried his feelings for a long time. But he did not forget the day when Mycroft was willing to give his life for John, at last Sherlock saw the best part of his brother, it wasn't about Mycroft's questionable moral or his cold character, it was simply brother's love.

 

Mycroft couldn't see his own hand in front of him, the darkness and the cold mingled with the continuous silence, it was all there, he didn't know how much time had passed but if enough for part of him to change forever, a visceral hatred hiding inside him as if waiting to explode, Mycroft's personal relationships never reached this point or any other, it was better so of course in the deepest, something was dead inside him and now he was sure that knowledge was like a double-edged sheet, all the secrets kept, all that information from the government, if someday he thought about retirement maybe his days would end like this, locked up in a cell like his sister, but Mycroft was determined to commit suicide before returning to Sherrinford again.

-  "Today your brother is out of Sherrinford, and we'll have to escort him home, will you come?" - Sherlock watched the tv.

-  "Don't be ridiculous Greg, he didn't want to see me for 5 months, what makes you think he wants to see me now?" - Sherlock's resentful voice was no strang for anyone. Greg sighed deeply.

\- "Will you be his babysitter now? - John dropped into the chair with Rosie in his arms.

\- " ha ha funny! It was a special request from Lady Smallwood." – Lestrade reply.

\- "I think you should go, Sherlock," - Mrs. Hudson said from the kitchen.

\- "Thank you, but I will not take the recommendation from the person who told; get out, you reptile, to my brother" - Sherlock said sarcastically.

\- "Sherlock!" - John said threateningly.

\- "My sweetheart, I know you aren't having a good time now, but your brother can become a bloody moron most of the time and we all know very well, my house my rules, I still owe him an apology, by the way" - Mrs. Hudson might have been right, and Sherlock worried that Mycroft after these months would have turned out to be worse.

\- "I think it's time to go." - Greg's voice broke the awkward silence and before he came down the stairs.

\- "Greg? ..." - Even if Sherlock will denied it, he was worried - "A pic, will you?" - Greg nodded.

Sherlock walked down the hall to his room, wanted and needed to be alone, looked at his empty syringe, empty ever since Mycroft was in Sherrinford, the consulting detective had to deal with his parents and Eurus's matters, take over the role big brother was something that Sherlock really hate it and that Mycroft get come back to the real world, it was a relief after all for him.

The security guard ducked his head down avoiding being recognized by Mycroft, the man game had gone too far, a slight smile of pleasure was drawn on the face the older brother, he would never forget that face and yes, it was a reason to stay alive, the sweet revenge that he hoped, it was a sufficient motive, his complex of power would not allow that insignificant man to harm his sister, his intense blue eyes and full of hatred didn´t deviate from the small aspect of the security guard, only a few seconds, Mycroft finally walked like always through the corridors of Sherrinford, quieter, more present, and much darker since he arrived.

Mycroft wasn't surprised to see that Sherlock or his parents were not there, he was limited and disappointing, his mother had always strived to proof this point in front of others, neither Lady Smallwood did any mention the incident with Eurus, it was obvious that the Sherrinford's matters were no longer part of the Cabinet, according Mycroft's pretensions this was an advantage.

\- "Mycroft, you can take the time you need before you go back to work," said Lady Smallwood, the older brother wrinkled his forehead, and Alice's tone for the first time seemed unpleasant. 

\- "Nonsense, tomorrow I will go to the office, no welcome, no cake please" – Mycroft’s voice was sarcastic like always, he could still give himself that luxury after all that had happened.

\- "It's not necessary," she insisted.

-  "Well, we have a deal then, I'll see you tomorrow, now I would like to be alone, may excuse me" - Mycroft climbed the stairs ignoring the presence of Lady Smallwood and Lestrade.

 Lady Smallwood cast a sharp look toward Greg - "I think it would be very opportune that tonight you stay here detective" – Lestrade nodded.

 

Mycroft locked the door of his room for the first time, and the sound of the key crashing into the lock was something familiar now, for a moment Mycroft remembered the terrifying cries that came from the end of hallway, it was obvious that the abuse had reached beyond his cell, he leaned his body against the wall and looked at his bedroom thinking that something had definitely changed, he felt uncomfortable and nervous in his own home, oblivious to everything around him, he didn't think of anything else that in run away from that place, unable he leave without being able ask someone for help, because inside of him he knew that Sherlock was right after all, Mycroft was completely alone, he look desperately at the table where the liquors were, his own get away from reality.  The first sip was bitter and it burned through of his throat, Mycroft made a slight gesture of pleasure, his taut body began to relax and his breathing to normalize, Mycroft pulled out a cigarette and sitting on the luxurious persian red carpet, he start to drink slowly, the brandy ran through his veins, this was like a sedative, he was always tempted to try some drug but he must be a damn some kind of example for Sherlock, his thoughts were already scattered and diffuse, as he filled the glass with liquor his memories were lost, Mycroft really wanted forget, everything, it could tell that Mycroft was happy in some way while that glass was full, he felt so good and but there was no one that told to him otherwise, but Mycroft didn't care now, not anymore. 

 

Greg was sitting by the fireplace, took his cell phone to send the picture of Mycroft to Sherlock when he heard a dry blow coming from the second floor, Greg immediately left what he was doing and ran up the stairs, he wasn't sure which was Mycroft's room, his breathing was agitated - "Mr. Holmes!" he started to call him, one of the doors was locked, without thinking, Lestrade kicked the door and the next image will never fade from his mind, Mycroft was lying on the floor, cigars, two empty bottles of the finest brandy and a glass broken. As in a scene of a crime for Greg was not difficult to draw deductions, the man in front of him was shattered, slowly he cleaned the vomited from Mycroft's face, Greg hadn't never do this tender act with nobody, but he is  the brother of his best friend, with some diffilcuties he got that Mycroft lay down on his bed - "Le...t me...die" - Mycroft barely stammered, Greg realized that this was more serious than he would have thought, Lestrade knew very well these symptoms, he had spent years fighting against this, his own secrets, everyone had one, hidden demons, a big secret to forget.

 

 

 

*****************************************************


	3. Autumn III

The phone lit up the Sherlock's room, it was what he had been waiting for, Sherlock was surprised to see Mycroft with a disheveled beard and a gray hair, of course this made look him much older, with the tie in his hand and an apparent thinness, and he wasn’t definitely the brother that Sherlock remembered a few months ago.

 

**_I think that your brother needs you. Greg_ **

**_Busy. SH_ **

**_C’mon Sherlock!. Greg_ **

**_Still Busy. SH_ **

 

Sherlock struggled with his need to see a Mycroft, he knew it was not the time or at least he thought, but he's just trying cheated himself.

\- "Are you fine, Sherlock?"- The outside voice was from his best friend.

\- “Come in!” - John slowly opened the door.

\- "Rosie sleeps; will you have something to eat?" - sitting on the bed, Sherlock nodded.

\- "We could order food from the new Thai restaurant" - suggested Sherlock.

 

Both friends went down the stairs while Mrs. Hudson stayed in the care of Rosie, once in the street, Sherlock wasn't sure to show him the Mycroft's photo, the detective needed somehow John's approval in his issues, after all John is his family too, he took the phone and while they walked the doctor stopped dead in the middle of the street.

 

\- "Is this Mycroft?!" - John was surprised.

\- "Yes, he is," - said Sherlock without looking.

\- "What the hell has happened to him? ... he looks ..."         

\- "... exhausted and old". - Sherlock finished the sentence, John observed the expression of his friend, didn't see in him any trace of concern for Mycroft, after that Sherlock went to Sherrinford each week, Sherlock strange attitude it baffled to the Doctor.

\- "Incoming call! ..." - Juan said.

\- "Mycroft?" - Said Sherlock expectantly.

\- "No ... Mummy Holmes!!" - he said with a teasing voice, Sherlock grimaced in his face and sighed deeply resigned.

\- "Mummy?" - Started a walk away from his friend, John began to laugh at Sherlock knew that talking to his mother for him was a kind of childish torture.

 

_**Friday, 1 December** **.**_

A severe headache woke up to Mycroft before the alarm sounded from his phone, it was 5:30 and too much early, the clothes smelled of cigarettes and vomit, it was the worst awakening in a long time for him, he still felt dizzy, Mycroft painfully sat on the bed and found himself covered by a blanket, quickly he looked at the door it has been left open, the older brother closing the eyes hoped it wasn't Sherlock, really he were not in his plans to confront his younger brother under these circumstances, the bedroom was a disaster, Mycroft looked towards the wall, it had embedded a piece of glass, frustration and anger had taken him too far, Mycroft frequently drank from his years in college he always tried not to exceed the limits and hide his inner demons for as long as possible. 

He looked in the mirror once more, his beard was almost grey, Mycroft was surprised himself of his own image, how much he had changed his appearance, the older brother looked weaker, but it was only a mask, since inside him resentment and hatred were still alive as before. walking down the long hallway of his house, with his black three-piece suit and red tie, Mycroft noticed that by the fireplace LI Lestrade was sleeping on the sofa, he paused, relieved that it was not his younger brother.

 

\- "LI Lestrade! Good morning!" - Mycroft almost yelling, Greg quickly, something confused, he stood up.

\- "Good morning Mr. Holmes!" - The detective observed that Mycroft looked as imposing as always, completely shaved and without any side effects of alcohol. - Lucky bastard! - Greg thought.

\- "I see that you spend the night here, surely must be tired" - Mycroft knew that Lestrade was there for something more than to be his nanny.

\- "Yes, it was Lady's orders ..." - the older brother approached to Greg intimidantly, without any expression on his face, interrupted him.

\- "Of course, Alicia, there are things we must do to keep up our work. Do you have a family, LI Lestrade?" - His gaze was cold and calculating.

\- "Yes, I'm in the process of ..." Mycroft put his hand on Greg's shoulder.

\- "Yes, the family is the most important thing for a man, isn't it?" - Greg looked at Mycroft's hand - "between you and me, its better that we keep this incident a secret, we don't want to lose our positions, don't we, LI Lestrade?" - Greg ducked his head and the older of the Holmes understood that he had received the message. - "I think it's time to take me to the Diogenes club, will you?" - Greg turned his head to look behind him before opening the door, Mycroft look to him with a malicious and triumphant smile.

 

Finally in the solitude and silence of the Diogenes Club Mycroft sat at his desk, the lights were off he knew nobody would not bother him there, he felt better in the dark and in the privacy of the place, Mycroft began to remember everything what happened it that night, the Eurus's rejection , however much he tried, the older brother knew that he had lost her from the first moment he locked her in Sherrinford, a pain that Mycroft will carry the rest of his life, it's a issue with which he could deal while his sister was fine. _\- will be she fine? -_ thought Mycroft, leaning in his chair, and remember that idea Mycroft built while lying on the floor of his cell. 

An idea is like a virus, resistant and contagious, it can grow to define you or destroy you, and Mycroft knew it very well, even though he was determined and opened his laptop, there was no better way to cover his trace in the system using the John Garbie's user one of the many corrupt politicians who abound in the cabinet office and recently had relations with the Russian mafia in London, obviously this information was still classified, certainly was the best advantage. 

  * _John David Barrow._ _Reedham Close, Tottenham Hale. Ex FFT._



It took him 11 minutes to get all the information from the security guard, _\- John? -_ He smiled at the coincidence of the name with the of Doctor Watson, but what worried him most is that the man was a former military and not anyone, an ex-Legionary, Mycroft could entrust this task to MI5 some of them were loyal to him, but he knew it was too risky, besides this was definitely something personal. 

 

 

_**Saturday, 9 December** _

 

It was his last pint of beer, he was completely drunk, in a makeshift pub very close to his home, John had stayed for more than two hours, looked at his watch, 22:47, it was late, but for a man without children and not family at all, it was not a big problem, outside of the pub it was raining heavily, it was one of the worst thunderstorm of the last decades in the south of England, John stumbled out of the place, the streets were completely solitary at that time, the sound of wind and rain was intense, covered himself with his raincoat and began to walk totally unconcerned about what was happening around him, come in an alley, was the usual shortcut that the security guard took a path to home.

 

\- "John?" - A voice came from behind him, he didn't turn around thinking it was just the wind. Once again the security guard heard his name, turned quickly but saw no one there, John stayed a few more seconds watching, the rain was so intense that didn't allow him to see anything, the alley was long and dark, no doubt thought that between the drunkenness and the wind it was a played a bad trick. He walked a few more yards

\- "John?" - Like a whisper in his ear, he heard his name again, his skin prickling with fear and turning slowly, the first thing John saw were a black eyes that gleamed in the dim light of the place. - "Do you remember me?" - The cold metal pierced the man from side to side so hard that he carried it against the wall before John tried to reply, his voice was silent for the sharp pain in his side, John tried to pull out but it was something impossible, the sword still was inside his body.

\- "Look at me!!"- said the voice with an indescribable anger, John tried to draw the weapon that always carried on with him, a malicious laugh  - "You're just a pathetic man now" - his executioner brutally moved the sword up and down making it that the damage in John's body will increase. The agonizing face of the security guard only increased his opponent's pleasure.

\- "You ... are ..." - said John Barrow shivering in pain.

\- "Precisely…" - Mycroft was so close to the man that he could smell the stale odour of alcohol.

\- "I ... I'm sorry ..." John said distressed.

\- "You don't sorry it yet!!" - Mycroft without thinking again he moved his sword inside the man without mercy. - "Names, John, names!" - The man could barely breathe in pain.

\- "Only ... I was ... and ..." - Mycroft pushed with all his strength upwards, he could feel like the flesh didn't oppose any resistance to the sharpened sword, the scream man was heartbreaking, but no one could hear him, nobody was close.

\- "Ian ... Francis Klein ... please ... stop!!" - I beg the man; Mycroft's hateful look was the last thing he would see.

Mycroft took the sword from the man's body and then took John's head; those cold black eyes looked at him for the last time - "Go to Hell!" - The sword moved through the man neck, so easily that his trachea was exposed and the blood flowed like a river splashing on the big brother's face.

 

The man fell to the ground drowning in his own blood, Mycroft crouched as if watching his own work of art, fascinated and excited of what he had created, in the rain the blood began to run through the gutter and the life of the guard security faded before Mycroft's eyes, he took the sword and cleaned the blood in the clothes of the man, the older brother stood up slowly and looked at the black sky, the rain began to wipe the blood from his face, Mycroft sigh deeply, his body was no longer tense and he felt a deep relief, for a few seconds the frustration and rage had disappeared, he picked up the part of the umbrella that was on the floor, and before leaving without remorse the older brother look back at his victim once again, everything had changed, he walked away whistling pleasantly as if nothing had happened, after all Mycroft was very limited, an idiot boy, no one would ever suspect of him, he walked for the alley moving his umbrella in the air making circling it, Mycroft's figure disappeared in the shadows of the alley, darkness finally covered him.

 

                                                                                 _******************************_

 

\- "Greg, boys!!" - shouted Mrs. Hudson from the floor below, Sherlock and John looked at each other in surprise.

\- "Good morning, Sherlock, John!" - Greg ran up with a file in his hands.

\- "What are you here so early?" - Greg sat down in his usual place.

\- "Let me get my breath back first" - John looked at him laughing.

\- "Back to the cigar, Greg, patches, nicotine patches is all you need" - Greg looked at him with a sarcastic smile.

\- "If it was that my problem, I would have to cover my entire body of patches, Sherlock" - Lestrade opened the file, paused and continued. - "I need help with a case and it seems to be important.”

\- "Did my dear big brother send you?" - Sherlock said ignoring him, John took Greg's file.

\- "It has nothing to do with Mycroft, but speaking of him, I think he isn’t fine.” - Lestrade said, Sherlock close his eyes.

\- "A man who has been almost beheaded in the seven sister’s district, a settling of scores?" - Asked John.

\- "Obviously, bored, Greg, thank you, besides I must visit to Mycroft today, don’t worry about him" - said Sherlock.

\- "Well, about the case…that's not all ..." - Greg had a wide smile and paused, both friends looked at Lestrade.

\- "For god sake! What’s the mystery?" - John asked.

\- "The murdered man is a Sherrinford's security guard" - Sherlock looked at Lestrade had finally gotten his all attention.

\- "And it's important, because, Lady Smallwood requested it to you?" - Sherlock asked, Lestrade nodded, it was more than enough reason, the curiosity of the consulting detective increased, no doubt it wouldn't take long to solve it, surely it was a gang as John said, an settling of scores, but what Sherlock didn't know was that the truth was as tenuous as a veil.

                                                                   

                                                              ************************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me if this chapter is too painful or hard for Myc´s fans, but I have always thought of Mycroft's darkest side of what he appears to be, any suggestion is welcome and enjoy it. :))))


	4. Overture: Winter

It was a cold morning in London, the mist completely covered the place making the scene even more dismal, Sherlock adjusted his scarf a little more before getting out of the cab, he had no feeling, nothing at all, it was another homicide like any other, Lestrade had first arrived at the place and the area was completely fenced.  

\- "Well,come on!, I have thing to do" - Said Sherlock excitedly, Lestrade pointed to an area in the middle of the alley covered by a tent with a Scotland Yard badge on one side.

\- "Follow me, this is here, damn London rained all night and for now we have nothing" - Sherlock smiled, had always found the Scotland Yard inefficient.

\- "That is the body" - the three men entered in it. 

The man's body lay on his side with his face staring up at the sky, Sherlock put on the latex gloves and began to watch, he approached to smell the clothes, it was wet, he moved his fingers through the lips of the corpse and  approached them to his nose - he was drinking, Beer? – 

\- "Is there a pub nearby?" - Sherlock asked.

\- "Many! why?, he was drinking?" - Sherlock nodded.  

Sherlock looked at the wound on the right side, about 7 to 8 cm, from front with way out in the back _\- First blow: stabbing in the liver, causing great pain and the man would die anyway in about 30 minutes, possible knife about 30 cm or more - Sherlock thought, he looked at the neck, front cut, from right to left - The murderer is left-handed -_ It was possible.

 

\- "John? Look at the neck, the attack was frontal" - John and Lestrade approached.

\- "Let me see, I think so, the homicidal cut throats inflicted from the front tend to be short and angled. Further, instead of the neck being cut with one long, continuous motion, these wounds are inflicted by several swipes or slashes, but this isn't the case, Sherlock "- John said.

 

The consulting detective looked in the hands of the victim, there was nothing there that indicated a previous fight, but he noticed that the gun was near to the body _\- he tries to defend himself -_ Sherlock looked once more the frontal wound, this one was much bigger than the one on the back. _\- He was tortured -_ Sherlock hurried out of the tent, looking down the long alley, still dark in the daytime.

 

-"What time did he die?" - Sherlock asked, looking at Greg.

\- "We think between 23:00 and 23:30, but we need confirmation from the forensic surgeon, why?" - Greg said.

\- Because ... - Sherlock paused and continued - "did you check the cctv cameras of the gas station?" - asked Sherlock.

\- "Yes, and we can see the victim walking down the street at about 22:53" - Sherlock walked down the alley, it was obvious, if, the killer wanted to surprise him, and he should have waited here in the dark. Sherlock looked at the lamp posts and there were only 2, probably he was drunk, an intense rain and his murderer would only have to wear black clothes and hide in the dark, would be almost invisible - the killer planned every detail so good - thought Sherlock.

\- "This is what happened, the man went out to drink, the victim go back to home, he come to this almost totally dark alley, the killer is waiting here in the dark" - _John looked at him_ intently.

-"Why would the killer wait here? - It's more risky" - John said.

-"No, balance of probabilities, John, it was his best advantage, he took the ex-military by surprise, came out of the dark, the man was drunk would never have a chance to react, the first blow of the knife was in the liver, the pain was unbearable, there was no fight, but if the killer torture him, the victim probably had important information. "

-"Some gang?" Greg asked.

-"No, this is something more personal, why not kill him with a shot in the head?, the murderer enjoyed the time on this, almost like a ritual" - Sherlock put his hands in his face.

\- "Why?" - _John_ asked, _surprised_.

\- "Motivation, John, motivation is what makes us do things we would never be willing to do before" - John and Lestrade listen to Sherlock attentively -, "The cut in the neck went from left to right, John and I conclude that the killer is left-handed and by the wound on his side, the killer must measure between 180 and 185 cm high "- sighed Sherlock and continued. - "The killer knew what he was doing, Greg, he observed every routine, he is a bloody smart, methodical and calculating, a cold-blooded psychopath, was hunting and waiting for the victim, saw him cross for the alley from of his eyes before killing him, he knew the ideals conditions, alcohol, rain, besides the killer knew would not leave any trace of DNA on the body, knew his routines, the killer knew the victim very well and I am completely sure that you would not find any record of him in the cctv cameras even in days before" - Sherlock said finally.

-"Do you think it was the work of a professional?" - John asked.

-"I don't know, there's something weird about everything ... something emotional." - His voice was low and nostalgic.

-"What do you mean?" - Greg said confused.

-"Why kill him like that?" - Sherlock wondered once more.

\- "Crimen passionate?" -

\- "No, the evidence shows that he was mutilated ..." – Sherlock said.

-so?"-

-"so?...Mutilation or torture is evidence of motivation, John" - added Greg.

-"Elementally, tell me how you kill and I'll tell you who you are, the murders that are emotionally motivated are the product of jealousy, intense hatred or sexual connotations, he cut the man´s throat looking into his eyes, intense hatred  I think, without fear, without remorse"-

-"A damn iceman!" - Sherlock looked at Greg surprisingly.

-"What do you say?!" - He asked confusedly.

-"A iceman, by his modus operandi" - the coincidence of the name was almost unnatural, as an sign.

-"Latin, Greg?, good, as I said, all the murderers have a signature, the signature in this case is the cut in the neck, deep and almost clean, the killer felt almost like a god, powerful and sublime, a damn iceman, like you said, Greg" – taking off his latex gloves he almost whispered- what reminds me that I´ve a meeting with my big brother now -

-“What do you said? – Asked Greg.

-“Nothing”- Sherlock said sharply.

Anthea entered the meeting room, Mycroft was sitting in the usual chair while listening to the Minister of Foreign Affairs, the crisis with Russia had been complicated, and for the older brother it was something that would keep him busy for a few days.

  -"Sir, your brother is waiting outside, he asked me to give you this." - Anthea handed him a paper. Mycroft nodded, for a moment he felt nothing at all to hear that his little brother was here, Mycroft wondered if he had definitely loosed something, slowly opened the paper _\- I catch you. SH -_ Sherlock's strange message made Mycroft's heart pound in his chest. 

Only last night he killed the man, _\- It cannot be possible! -_ Mycroft supported both arms on the table, Mycroft felt a slight pain in his chest, many times that strange chest pain again, of course he knew that there was no perfect crime, Mycroft never doubted of the capacity of Sherlock in solving crimes and he hoped that the police hadn’t assigned the case to him. His thoughts were interrupted by Lady Smallwood, who took Mycroft's arm. 

-"Are you fine, Mycroft? You are pale" - Mycroft looked at Alicia, bewildered.

\- "Yes, I just couldn't sleep well last night" - it was true; the government official had been able to sleep only a few hours these last days.

\- "If you need to talk to someone, you can do it with me, after all we are friends" - Mycroft smiled sarcastically this was almost a reflex act, almost involuntary, Lady Smallwood looked at him offended, Mycroft could be many things but never this way, no with her. 

Mycroft started downstairs, Sherlock was waiting for him in the office, his breathing was calm, he had full control of his emotions as always, and perhaps in his heart he waited that he could still be saved by his own brother, perhaps this time they could have a conversation at least, the government official was willing to talk to his baby brother, stopped in front of his office door a moment. He fixed his tie and opened the door slowly, Sherlock was standing on the wall, arms crossed and looking at the floor, this scene was familiar, a bitter memory for Mycroft. 

-"Mycroft!" - Sherlock said without looking.

-"Sherlock!" - Mycroft reply, with in his gray suit and blue tie, had his hands in his pockets, and looked at Sherlock without saying anything, the long silence between them stretched for more than a minute, finally Sherlock looked at Mycroft from foot to head.

-"I can see that being prison was pretty good for you, you kept the diet, brother mine!" - Mycroft sighed softly and he turned his gaze towards the wall where he had his umbrella, coat and other things, nothing had changed after all, and no matter how much he denied it, the Sherlock's words hurt him more than he would have thought, the older brother was too tired of this, nervously Mycroft took his wrists adjusting his watch, it was strange no longer feel the handcuffs and Mycroft didn’t respond. - "Well, I just came to tell you that our mother wants you get an authorization for Eurus to spend Christmas at home, if you want, you can go, I think it's the best thing you could do, Mycroft." - Walking through the office, Mycroft quickly blocked Sherlock's exit by leaning his arm on the wall and finally looked up. 

-"Getting that authorization, you say?, Like an proper big brother would do?, Doesn’t it, Sherlock?" - Sherlock looked at him surprised, the government officer approached a little more and Sherlock backed two steps, his voice was serious and deep, as torn from his most hidden hatred - "Whatever you want, Sherlock, whatever you want" - Mycroft's blue eyes were almost black, lifeless and penetrated the detective like a dagger, his words sent a chill down Sherlock's spine. 

Mycroft opened the door of his office and indicate him to his younger brother the way out, Sherlock was tense and could not move, could not explain what had happened, was not completely sure, after a few blocks became he realized that he was on his way to Molly's house, he stopped to breathe and think, that man could not be his brother - that look? - Sherlock had met many fully functional killers and psychopaths, Moriarty, Magnussen, with whom he had all spoken but had never felt this before. 

Mycroft smiled maliciously, Sherlock always was the intimidating, he, who pushed him into school while they played, Sherlock, who shoved him against the wall when he was drugged, Sherlock had always used his physical abuse against Mycroft and this had always been the weakest. He leaned his back on the chair and watched as the sunlight passed through his office and the small particles of dust floated, his hopes faded like dust, he own life no longer mattered to him or anyone, no matter how much Mycroft tried _\- how are you, brother mine?, this would have been enough for me Sherlock. -_ Mycroft thought and smiled bitterly, but he knew that those words and questions were meant for better people, for Sherlock's friends or for his younger sister. 

He sat by the fireplace, the sound of wood burning did not distract his thoughts and only light from the fire illuminated the place, in the dark he start to plan, Mycroft felt that was his only reason, with a goal in mind and with a fate macabre, he knew every step to follow, was his relief, never complained, never cried since Mycroft left prison, never he look back at every decision he took to protect his family and keep it together, it was his only reason to live, the only thing that made sense in his stupid existence. He looked at the bottle of pills, Nembutal, it was the only thing that he could get to sleep with and a bottle of vodka, the perfect blend, and modafinil to wake up, black market was always an option and Mycroft was still grateful not to have killed the Sherlock's dealer.  

 

 

_**December 13th.** _

 

His mouth was dry, in the distance he heard the sound of what seemed to be his phone was all he could hear, and a loud buzzing in his head that only increased in pain all over his body, passed a few minutes before he realized that he was lying on the floor of the bathroom, Mycroft tried to stand up but was useless a strong pain in his side did not allow him to breathe, the older brother remembered what happened last night, a little more than a bottle of vodka and two sleeping pills, that was his night, he tried moved his arms but a groan came out of his throat, something dizzy and embarrassed that someone was saw him in these conditions, so weak, so pathetic, slowly stood up, leaning his body on the white wall and finally he could see that his left shoulder was out of position and part of his face is covered with blood _\- What will I do now? -_ Mycroft thought as he tried to catch his breath, his eyes closed and his white shirt stained with blood, the elder Holmes had learned from Uncle Rudy to fake it all, almost like an art for him, that's the way  he had control of circumstances, holding her breath he walk to the edge of her bed, 10 missed calls, Lady Smallwood, it was time for another lie. 

Greg Lestrade walked down the St Bartholomew Hospital's lobby next to Molly, it had been another night of common criminals swarming the streets of London, Molly looked at a figure known far away, they insecure gotten approached to Mycroft. 

\- "Mr. Holmes?”- Greg had never called Sherlock's brother by his name, and least during work hours. Mycroft turned slowly; the painkillers had not taken effect yet.

-"LI Lestrade !, Mrs. Hooper!" -  Mycroft's cold words did not surprise Greg more than Mycroft's puffy face and his black eye, Mycroft had a sling holding his left shoulder.

-"Bloody Hell! What happened to you? Someone mugged you?" - Mycroft had already thought of that as a solution but it was too risky. It was better to say only part of the truth.

\- "I fell in the shower this morning, the floor had soap and I lost my balance, what you see is the result" - Greg's gaze was doubtful, did not stop bothering Mycroft.

-"Are you okay?" Molly asked, that kind of question was not for a Holmes, and this provoked a sarcastic smile on Mycroft.

-“Of course, I’ve already been discharged, I have the day off and tomorrow I will go back to work" - Mycroft knew Molly would report this to Sherlock and the least he wanted was a intruders in his home. 

The farewell was warm, Mycroft could not deny that that Lestrade had been too kind to him that day and certainly left him quiet the idea that he is a good friend of Sherlock, that's what his brother needed. Molly and Greg soon arrived at Sherlock's flat, as he always had his eyes on the microscope, the kitchen filled with drinking glasses and unwashed plates, the place was a mess, even though John and Rosie living with him eight months ago, Sherlock still avoided the same domestic responsibilities. 

-"Hello Molly, Greg, do not you think it's a little late to bring me some kind of progress on the John Barrow's case?" - Greg was silent to Sherlock's question. - "Oh Something big happens, you would not be here with that pretentious smile" - Sherlock put all his attention on the detective.

-"Yes, we saw your brother this morning" - Sherlock suddenly under his gaze and began to look through the microscope again.

-"What happened this time? Does he send you to spy someone?" - Said John who was sitting reading the newspaper.

-"I was going to call you before, did he call you?" - Sherlock slowly stopped doing what he was doing, saw Molly's face worry.

-"He has not called, why do you ask? - He said sarcastically.

-"Because Mycroft was in the hospital wounded ..." Molly paused to sit down and continued. -"According to him he fell in the shower, from what I could see he have a shoulder injury and a bruise on his head, it did not look like someone else hit him, will do you call him?"- Sherlock looked in surprise John, his brother had not called him, looked at his phone but there was nothing.

-"It's true" – Greg said confirming.

-"I'm sure that he'll be fine, thank you for letting me know. "- Sherlock pretended not to be concerned _\- according to him? -_ Sherlock thought, it was no doubt captious words, as soon as Lestrade disappeared behind the door Sherlock took his phone and called Mycroft, but there was no answer.  

 

**_Brother dear, your fall must have hurt, right?. SH_ **

 

-"What happens between of you, Sherlock?" - Molly asked, Sherlock sighed and sat down, John and Molly watching him.

-"A few days ago I went to the Mycroft's office, I did not tell you, John, because I did not want to bother you with Mycroft issues" -

-"Something is wrong, isn’t it?" - John asked worriedly, Sherlock paused and looked at the chair where his brother sat months ago.

-"Sherlock you must leave your resentment and pride, and talk with your brother" - Molly was insistent, she wanted that Sherlock was well.

-"It's complicated…"-

-"It's always complicated, so is the life, Sherlock, what are you afraid of?" - John asked.

-"When I see him I feel anger for what Mycroft did to us and I fight with myself for not saying to him something degradable, in every attempt, but then when I am alone I think of him and ..." - _his_ _eyes_ had _become_ faintly _moist,_ looked aside avoiding being seen by his friends.

-"When do you think of him?" - Molly asked.

-"I'm afraid I'll lose him ..." - Sherlock sighed, Molly hug his friend, the warm embrace was a comfort to Sherlock. 

 

 

Mycroft looked from the door of the bathroom the blood stain on the floor, he really wished that the blow had finally killed him, the room was dark was as he liked now, silence and darkness, he looked at his phone one last time, a message and a call from Sherlock, but Mycroft did not care, he just turning off his mobile phone, he took the bottle and poured the translucent contents into the glass, took two painkillers and a sleeping pill, then brought the glass of vodka to his nose, deeply inhaled the scent of alcohol, a smile of pleasure was drawn on his face, a company like this for years could not be wasted, a sip but was not enough, and never again would be, Mycroft had a new pact, a new clause in his life, he never imagined it, he never imagined that Sherlock and he would have something more in common than to be brothers, a second sip and was unable to resist, Mycroft drank all the contents of the glass and put the glass on the bedside table with satisfaction _\- A few more days and the game will be over -_ Mycroft thought about this almost with a maniacal obsession, finally stretched out on the bed, he was carried away by the tiredness and the bitter taste in his throat. 

 

 


	5. The Recitative: Winter

_**Four days before Christmas.**_  
  
  
Mycroft looked out the window the busy avenue, in his left hand he held a glass of whiskey and on the right hand a cigarette, the pain in his shoulder disappeared and added a new vice to his list these last days, vicodin, Mycroft had tried all kind of painkillers these days. It was 9pm, there were almost no people in the Club Diogenes, it was an advantage the silence of the place allowed him to think and plan, he had to tell his younger brother that Eurus would not spend Christmas with his parents, of course, Mycroft had refused, not because it was impossible to get, the older brother never spoke to Lady Smallwood on the matter, his plans had to continue without interruptions, Mycroft would lie once more, almost pathologically, now his promises were as empty as his soul, Mycroft remembered the deep disappointment of his younger brother and his parents, were proof enough that something deeper had changed between them, Eurus was an excuse for Sherlock to speak to him, his parents did not call him more than 6 months ago, it was obvious, his absence was a good thing for them, in silence of the night Mycroft wondered if it was time to leave, leave for good, after all, all these years Mycroft had been there for his family, his only reason, but he felt that he no longer belonged here.

 

The mobile phone on his desk illuminated the dark office, Mycroft took his hand to his chest felt that his heart beat hard, closed his eyes trying to control his breathing and pretend what was not, a damn control freak. 

-"Sherlock ..." - Mycroft did not finish the sentence when it was interrupted.

-"Mycroft, I imagine that our petition is signed, I remember you that only four days until Christmas." - Mycroft paused, his brother's cold stance surprised him, his resentment surfaced afresh to plague his soul.

-"You did not have to call me, a message would have enough and the answer is: No, Sherlock, there's no authorization, so ..."

\- Sherlock was sitting on the couch looking out the window, and abruptly cut off the call.-"Damn you, Mycroft!" - Said an exasperated Sherlock.

 

John looked at his friend as he threw his phone on the couch, he was undoubtedly annoyed, the last months had been difficult for Sherlock, the memories of his childhood drowned him at night and seemed to understand that as he approached Eurus inevitably Mycroft get away from his life, Eurus and Mycroft together, they were incompatible, the jailer and the criminal sitting at the same table was almost impossible to think, Sherlock knew that they were all the family he had, since he could not count on his parents, Mycroft on the one hand had been present all his life, as similar to a father as Sherlock could have, he could deny it but knew that Mycroft's constant absence affected him, there was no further security, no drones flying over the street or intrusions on his flat looking for drugs, Mycroft had finally let him go, but Sherlock missed that obsessive brotherhood, missed him more than he wanted to. 

-"What is it, Sherlock?" - John said, pretending to be surprised.

-"Mycroft is hiding something again!." - He picked up his violin and began to play.

-"What will you do?" - John said.

-"I will face him, this time he will not run away" - his voice was threatening, John knew this would be a disastrous end, the Holmes brothers had always been rivals, Sherlock took his coat and under the stairs while John followed him closely.

 

Mycroft closed his eyes, the patience was a thin line, the beep of the hearing aid was confirmation that his brother had once more left him talking alone, he dropped the phone on the desk, these childhood disputes had always exhaust him, _"well, Sherlock?, you were always the grow-up_ "- like an echoe the voice was inside him, for years Mycroft had paid and hidden part of the Sherlock's incidents, no matter how hard he had tried, Mycroft could not protect his little brother, a big fail after all, knew that also the Sherlock's drug addiction was part of his responsibility, a lot of history between them, even though Mycroft loved his brother, the resentment he had hidden for years had grown once more after Sherrinford, knew that Sherlock had Eurus and didn't need it anymore.

 

_From: Mycroft Holmes_

_[mycroft.holmes@cabinetoffice.gov.uk]_

_To: Greg Lestrade._

_[greg.lestrade@met.police.uk]_

_Subject: Invitation._

_Li Lestrade,_

_Sure you will be surprised by this mail, I hope not to bother you, I must admit that the other day in my house I was a little rough with you, I want to apologize, that's why I hope you accept my invitation, December 24th, if it seems to you, At 20 hours, I know that his shift ends at 19:30._

_Until then,_

_Mycroft Holmes._

 

Lestrade watched his laptop completely bewildered, over and over again he read Mycroft's email, of course, the details about his shifts, and the his email, were not difficult to get for someone with the power of Mycroft Holmes, and Greg was not sure of this, if he thought about it, Sherlock's older brother was practically his boss, Lestrade was not in a position to say no to him. Greg took over an hour to write the answer of just two lines, he erased and corrected spelling mistakes, and he obsessively check every dot or comma in his writing.

 

_[mycroft.holmes@cabinetoffice.gov.uk]_

_Subject: Re: Invitation._

_Mr. Holmes,_

_It is a pleasant surprise your email, Mr. Holmes, of course I accept your invitation, I hope to see you that day,_

_Best Regards,_

 

_Greg Lestrade._

 

 

Mycroft once again filled the glass with whiskey, but he looked in frustration that the bottle was almost empty, the older brother could already feel the effects of the alcohol in his blood, that strange and false sensation that causes the alcohol to make him feel so good, he put some music, Mycroft was completely alone in the Diogenes Club, he could give himself some benefits, he took the Miles Davis´s vinyl, he wasn't a big fan of jazz music but he could not deny that the solitary trumpet on "Chez le photographe Du motel " hypnotized him the first time that he hear it, sat down on the couch and looked at his laptop, smiled triumphantly after he read the email Lestrade's reply, his alibi was completed, the plan was ready, Mycroft closed his eyes letting himself be carried away by alcohol and music.

 

_-"Mycroft!" - the older brother heard a voice in the distance, the knock on the door made him almost jump off the couch, he a bit stunned he got up and quickly closed his laptop._

_-"Sher ... What ... the hell are you doing here?" - Mycroft was confused._

_-"Do you thought you could fool me again?!" -  Mycroft could hear the anger in Sherlock's voice._

_-"What do... you ... talking about, Sherlock?" - Mycroft could barely articulate a sentence, was almost unconscious by alcohol._

_-"I'm talking about Eurus, about our sister, you moron!, do you have something to tell me?" - Sherlock started to approach, and Mycroft stepped back into the darkness._

_-"You and I ... we have nothing to talk about it" - Mycroft began to remember._

_-"Bloody liar!, you refused to let Eurus spend Christmas with our parents, I just called Lady Smallwood knows nothing about the authorization, because you never told him anything" - Sherlock was enraged._

_-"Exactly ... that's right, the answer is still: no ... Sherlock ... no!" -_

_-"Tell me, why do you do this to us? I just want us to be together as a family. -_

_-"Family?¡" - Mycroft said sarcastically took the glass and drank the rest of the whiskey._

_\- "Just because...I can do it, Sherlock ... I have the power to bloody do it!!" - Sherlock approached Mycroft and pushed him against the wall. Mycroft began to laugh._

_-"What are you going to do, Sherlock?" - Sherlock's angry eyes penetrated Mycroft_

_-"I'm tired of all this, of your manipulations, your lies, you are always the cursed one that you handle and control our lives!!" - Sherlock almost screamed in despair, he could not understand his brother._

_-"You should have shot me then, Sherlock, you had to shoot my fucking heart, you cannot figure it out yet, you would have avoided ... all this, you and your ... brilliant mind could not..." Mycroft's words only uncontrolled Sherlock._

 

Sherlock turned quickly to his brother, and his fist struck Mycroft's face, he easily lost his balance, the older brother tried to protect himself futilely with his left arm, but already the second blow broked Mycroft's nose, he attempted to push off to Sherlock _– “St...Stop, Sherlock!”_ \- Mycroft begged, but the young man was seized by the anger and frustration he had accumulated in years, he had always been stronger than Mycroft, Sherlock had him against the wall, one stroke after another in the Mycroft´s face, he could feel the metallic taste of blood in his mouth, he was not able to respond, a sure hit on his jaw destabilized him and fell head-banging himself on the table, the blood on his face flowed – _“Plea ...pleas..., Sherlock!_ ” - Mycroft tried, but Sherlock jump on him, Sherlock kicked him in the stomach, the pain was intense and Mycroft could not breathe, and felt Sherlock sat on him _\- "I hate you Mycroft!!" -_ Sherlock scream at him with fury, Mycroft put his arms defensively to protect his face, the younger brother took one of the arms of Mycroft and twisted it with all his forces, he felt his shoulder hurts once more, Mycroft screamed agonizingly in pain and thought at some point that he was going to faint, It was then that Sherlock placed his knee in the chest of Mycroft, the older brother could feel like his breathing was weakening.

 

John who was outside in the hall when listened to Mycroft screaming, he entered quickly but it was already too late, Sherlock was above of Mycroft, suffocating him with his own weight, John surrounded with his arms to Sherlock and throw out him with all his strength, taking him to a corner of the room

\- "Sherlock, what the hell...? what is wrong with you?!" - Shouted John - "I'll go see Mycroft now, if you get closer I'll have to hit you, do you understand me, Sherlock?" – it was John's warning. John turned on the light in the room, Mycroft gasped and struggled to catch his breath, his face was covered in blood, and his nose had an exposed fracture.

 

-"Please doctor ... stay away from ... me" - said Mycroft almost unconscious.

-"Let me help you Mycroft" - the government official got to stand up, his body ached completely and he had huge cravings to cry, but the only thing that prevented that was his chest pain and his difficulty breathing.

-"Just ... go away!" - Said Mycroft leaning his body on the wall, and the end, Sherlock snapping back to reality, looked worried to his older brother.

-"I need to take you to a hospital, Mycroft." - Mycroft stretched out his arm to keep John from getting closer and began to laugh maliciously.

-"Dr. Watson ... Do you know why people like violence? It's because it feels good." - John shook his head, looking worriedly at Mycroft. - "Humans find violence deeply satisfying, is not, Sherlock?" - Mycroft struggled with the handkerchief in his pocket and cleaned the blood in his eyes.

-"Come on, I need to get you to the hospital," - John insisted.

-"No !!" - Mycroft shouted and turned his gaze to his baby brother with the most intense hatred - "You!, you are no longer my brother, you are nothing to me, you have never respected me, and I know you hate me, you can leave now without assuming any responsibility of this, for your actions as always, but listen to me, Sherlock, if I see you again or hear something from you, I will make all my power and anger fall upon you, I will make sure you pay for everything you have done it, and Sherlock, please do it, because I've waited for this very long time"- the detective could not believe what he was hearing.

-" Get out of my sight, before that I call the police!"- threatened Mycroft.

 

John grabbed Sherlock's arm, and pushed him through the hallway of the Diogenes Club, Mycroft did not sit down until he heard the door close, the elder brother did not remember when the music had stopped, turned off the light, in the darkness, he could feel his heart hammering and beat painfully, he brought his hand to his chest and an emotion invaded him, he fell against the cold wall, he gripped his hands tightly and began to cry for first time, his tears became confused with the blood, that which his baby brother had done, finally broke his heart and was too tired to ask for help, Mycroft felt a need to end his life, the older brother got regret having only two sleeping pills in the pocket, drank some of the whiskey, his hands were shaking uncontrollably, Mycroft leaned back on the carpet, hoping to lose consciousness, and to forget, hoping never to wake up.

 

-"What happened, Sherlock, please?" - The consulting detective seemed not to hear.

-"Do you tell her or do will I?" - Molly looked disconcerted and scared at Sherlock, who was silent, the younger brother had wounds in both hands, there was no skin covering the knuckles.

-“Hit Mycroft, heavily," - he said in a low voice.

-"did you…what?!" - Molly stopped.

-"He hit Mycroft, Molly, he was completely drunk, hit his own brother, Sherlock for god´s sake!" - said John shouting.

-"He was not drunk" - said Sherlock.

-"Remember my sister, Sherlock? Harriet? I know when a person is drunk, you do not tell me I do not know" - John said reproach him.

-"Sherlock, what have you done?!" - Molly looked at John - "How is he?" - She asked worriedly.

-"He was not well, I think, Sherlock beat him a lot, I do not really know, Mycroft did not want accept my help and he does not want to see Sherlock again in his life" - John held his hand to his mouth, only one thought working through his head. - "And believe me that I understand him ..." - he concluded.

-"Molly, I know you've helped me many times" - Sherlock sighed in distress - "You can stay a few hours and make sure my brother gets the best care possible" - Molly saw the pain in Sherlock eyes, just nodded, with deep tenderness gave him a kiss on the face and she leave.

Sherlock realized that he had crossed his own limits, and both brothers had destroyed that fragile relationship they had, there was no way to go back, too many missed opportunities, the younger brother felt too guilty and worried about Mycroft, felt a deep pain when he remembered of Mycroft's last words, Sherlock had finally lost his brother.    

 

**_3:34 am_ **

**_Mycroft was taken care of in another hospital, he’s fine. Molly_ **

 

It was beginning to dawn when Sherlock was still sitting on the couch in his long blue robe, he nervously tugged the bandages that covered his wounds in his hands, Sherlock was overwhelmed by his thoughts, felt a deep need to see Mycroft, those images hitting Mycroft, it never will not go away from his mind - How do we get to this point? - he thought sadly.

 

 

 


	6. Aria: Mycroft's Requiem.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Mycroft is depressed, taking the worst decisions of his life, but, he realise that hitting rock bottom was not only inevitable, but necessary and Sherlock, losing someone to "death" can make you realize how short life is. **

**_Christmas Eve_ **

It began to snow again in London, the streets were almost empty, Gregory left the building 10 minutes ahead of schedule, he was simply curious about this invitation, although he did not doubt that more than an apology Mycroft wanted in some way to buy his silence permanently , Sherlock's brother had always had a dubious and questionable procedure in much of the affairs of the government, rumors were common when his name came out in some conversation, Lestrade tightened his coat against his body, the icy wind cut like a knife his face, Greg looked at his watch, 45 minutes had passed, the detective took a cigarette and start smoking impatiently, but after a few minutes he throwing the cigarette butt to the floor making a gesture of annoyance - "Mycroft could have called me if he stood me up" - he thought, no doubt an important and busy man like Mycroft was very likely to have forgotten, after all he was only a friend of Sherlock, Greg took the next taxi, he knew there was no one at home waiting for him and he could feel the solitude before arriving at his destination, it would be his first Christmas after 10 years, alone, and like Mycroft, only waiting for him a half-full bottle of the cheapest liquor, he could buy.

 

**_11:40 p.m._ **

The moment had come, Mycroft took his mobile phone as a last chance, looked at his contacts list, he looked for the name of Sherlock in it, paused and only turned it off, Mycroft was determined to leave this world in the most macabre way, deep down, he did not expect his family to know how it was all over. he took vicodin enough not to feel his body for a few hours, and Mycroft reviewed every detail of his plan in his mind carefully, the hall clock struck midnight, _\- It's time to go_ \- he thought, Mycroft was dressed completely black, he throws some latex gloves and a rope in the rucksack, finally the older brother took his umbrella, walked down the hall to the door, stopped for a moment and before leaving, Mycroft took a deep breath, turned looking with nostalgia, as if he said farewell to everything that he had ever been, an elegant man, the British government himself, a good brother, he abandoned everything that he had tried to be for others, Mycroft did not intend to continue fighting or pretending, the elder brother put on his hood down and went out by the rear door leading to the courtyard.

 

-"Sherlock, come on! we'll all be at Molly's house," - Mrs. Hudson said. John watched his friend silently; concern had grown over the last few days.

-"In the morning I'll go with my parents to see Eurus, I do not know ..." - Sherlock said as he was interrupted.

-"Tomorrow your parents can go with us too, Molly will be delighted to see them" - Sherlock sighed deeply as he released his affliction, it had spent 4 days and he knew nothing of Mycroft, and start to wonder if that would be permanent, resigned to his fate nodded his head without saying anything.

-"I'll leave you two to talk" - Mrs. Hudson stood staring at Sherlock who was looking out for the window thinking that just around the corner could appear that damn black car that he hated for so long - "Sherlock everything has a solution." - Mrs. Hudson looked sadly at John and went out the door.

John was leaning against the wall, staring at Sherlock, hoping to have the answer, but the hard truth was the best answer.

-"Sherlock, you know he will not come" - John could not restrain himself.

-"John, I do not need you to tell me what is obvious" - mutted irritably.

-"And, what am I suppose to say?" - John demanded angrily, Sherlock stood up from his couch and started walking towards his room, completely ignoring his partner - "Sherlock, where are you going?" - But the doctor was completely alone once more.

 

Sherlock leaned his head on the door, everything began to collapse around him, he was not resigned to losing his brother, but knew that Mycroft needed more than time to recover from the wounds, it had happened before, he knew that if Sherlock try to talk to him now, just would increase the Mycroft's rage.

-"I'm sorry, Sherlock" - John said from the door. - "The truth is that, for some reason Mycroft reminds me to Harry ..." - Sherlock sitting in his bed he listened to John, but let him speak, for the first time John spoke directly of Harriet.

John took Rosie in his arms, his past was so present every time he heard the Mycroft's voice or Mycroft's name, like Sherlock, John suffered for a long time the manipulations and lies of her sister, every time he trusted her, Harry failed to him, there was no relationship between them, he avoided contacting his sister as much as possible, there were no calls or visits, John could not stand to Mycroft, but, he could not denied there was a difference between Mycroft and Harriet, even though Mycroft is a bloody nightmare all the time, but Sherlock could rely on him, they could be hate each other in secret but the truth is that they loved each other in some way, they was the Holmes brothers, _\- what else I can expect? -_ John thought, it is not strange to think that in a few days Mycroft will visiting the Sherlock's flat as if nothing, and he get angry with his baby brother again, it's their family dynamics.

 

**_5:40 a.m._ **

Drops of blood fell from the ceiling on his arm, the creepy scene was conceived from his deepest hatred, he walked down the narrow hallway to the backyard of the house, he needed to breathe, he needed to be released himself, but the pain in his chest was more intense, Mycroft knew that he had lost everything he had ever been, all traits of humanity, all sanity and logic. The sword stained the white snow with blood, the full moon illuminated the place and Mycroft finally saw himself covered with blood, his face and hands shone red, in the intimacy of that place finally he smiled, everything was over, his past and present had vanished not only in his mind.

He took the umbrella, put on his hood and start to walk, through the thick fog that began to cover London at that hour, he did not pretend to hide anymore, he just hoped to meet on the road with the police, he imagined that one of the officers would shoot him, and that would be his macabre end, but simple, Mycroft always thought he would die murdered, dramatic in every way, but nevertheless Mycroft continued walking like a ghost without being seen, desperately seeking his end.

Mycroft in the fog could hear the boast’s sirens , he had always feared the deep waters, ironies of life, he always feared drowning, his breathing and pain in his chest increased, the older brother managed to reach the Westminster’s bridge, he sat down on the bridge rail, and at last his blue eyes met the cold waters of the River Thames, he wait a few seconds, Mycroft closed his eyes, he could hear every sound around him, the cold wet fog and the metallic taste in his mouth, he finally remembered a happy moment, there were not many in his mind, his last thought was his baby brother, a big hug, when Mycroft was on his fifteen, without last call, without any farewell note, no fault, no crying _\- good bye, brother mine -_ Mycroft said to the wind, with smiled in his face, and he jump off the bridge, in the distance it could hear the dip and all that was left were small waves on the water, as if someone had thrown a stone, that’s it, Mycroft disappeared in the silence of the night, as if he had never existed.

 

**_Christmas afternoon._ **

-"Sherlock, Greg has just arrived." - John opened the door to greet his friend. - "We were waiting for you".

-"I'm sorry, I stayed up late last night." - Lestrade gave John a big hug.

-"Hi everyone!" - Greg said cheerfully. - "Where's Molly?"-  Looking at Sherlock.

-"She's in the kitchen preparin the fruit punch"- said Mrs. Hudson.

-"I'll go help her" - Sherlock jumps off the couch.

He walked slowly into the kitchen, Molly was filling the glasses and Sherlock was watching her for a while, she was the sweetest person he had met, but he knew that those words were not enough for her; he wondered why he had never come to love her as Molly would have expected.

-"I know you're standing there spying on me," - she said, smiling.

-"I come to help you; I can be your slave for this afternoon, if you want it" -

-"How are you, Sherlock?" - Molly leaned on the furniture with her arms folded.

-"You should not ask me that question," Sherlock said with pity.

-"I know, but you're here now, and the answer is ..." -

-"I do not know, I've never felt this way before ..." - he sighed deeply.

-"Regret?" - Sherlock under his head. - "You do not have to tell me anything you do not want, Sherlock, also today is a day to be together, as a family" -

-"My brother would not agree with you, Mycroft hates Christmas" - Sherlock smiled wistfully.

 

For some reason Sherlock felt comfortable speaking to Molly, she could understand without saying too much, Molly looked through him like a glass, translucent,  he felt exposed with her, more vulnerable, and knew that Molly possessed an emotional wisdom more than he could understand, Sherlock could not deny it, he loved her with all his heart.

 A nostalgic Sherlock smoked outside the house, it seemed to him that any past time was better, like forgetting when he drugged his family to deliver Mycroft as a Christmas gift to his worst enemy, _\- your loss break my heart.-_ Remembering those words, that moment had no meaning for him, three years had passed since then, _\- how could I be so stupid?, I should have answered him something else -_ thought Sherlock, Molly approached him once more, the night was so cold that Sherlock took off his scarf and put it to her in her neck, offered him a cigarette, they both watched the dark night sky.

 

-"Molly, I must go" - Greg said - "A case has been filed and they demand our presence, Sherlock" -

-"But its Christmas cannot wait" - said Molly confused.

-“I’m sorry Molly, this cannot wait” -

-"What happened, Greg?" - Said Sherlock worried.

-"Lady Smallwood called me, there has been a double homicide, it seems that our killer has left a Christmas gift for us, Sherlock, this is serious" - Lestrade paused. "Seriously, molly, I'm sorry" - Lestrade said as he got into his car.

-"No problem, I understand it, just take care" - she said sweetly.

-"John?" - Said Sherlock enthusiastically.

-"He's on his way" - Greg said.

-"Molly, I'll leave you to Rosie for tonight; I'll come as soon as it's over" - Molly nodded. - "call me if you need anything and thank you again" - John kisses her in the cheek.

It was not difficult to find the place of the homicide, the emergency beacons illuminated the area completely, the three friends got out of the car almost instantly, the area was cordoned off as usual, Sherlock noticed that secret intelligent service's staff guarded the place, Sherlock knew that it's was a obvious sign that this was more serious than it appeared to be.

-"Sir, we have a double homicide, the victim’s sister found them, the victims are brothers, Ian and Francis Klein, the younger sister called them by telephone at 10 a.m. and when they did not answer personally she come to see them, she lives at a mile from here, about the brothers one of them was ex military, the man works at Sherrinford as security guard "- Greg looked at Sherlock and John.

-“and, the other one?” – said Greg.

-"The medical examiner still cannot recognize if the identification corresponds to the body, but they believe that it is Francis Klein" - said swallowing the detective.

-"What do you mean they still do not identify him?" - asked Greg confused.

-"Sir, I've never seen anything like it, the body is completely mutilated" - Sherlock looked incredulously at the detective. - "But if the identity is correct and it is Francis Klein, it is a computer engineer, and he works in a private company to the north of London". -  said nervously.

-"Thank you, Marcus; we'll take care of it from here." - Greg looked at John and Sherlock. - "I do not want to hurry up myself, boys, but I think we have a serial killer in the area" - Sherlock smiled satisfied, long ago no he had a case like that, it was all he needed to forget about Mycroft, a case, a serial killer.

Both brothers live in the same residence, Sherlock noted that the front door was not forced, but there was blood as if the killer had leaned it, on the first floor was Ian Klein, in the kitchen, tied to a chair, the victim have twelve knives stabed on his body - sadism, revenge- he thought, Sherlock put on his gloves and slowly raised the man's head, the same cut through the throat from right to left.

-"John?" - Sherlock said, with a flashlight pointing the area around the man neck.

-"Yes, it's the same cut," - John said.

Sherlock looked for signs of the killer all over the ground floor of the house, but the place was totally a sanctuary, extremely clean, there was no sign of struggle, the killer was too skilful and meticulous, the three of them went up the stairs to the second floor, when another detective vomited out of the room.

-"For god sake!!, do not mess up the crime scene, you fucking idiot!" - Greg said.

-"I'm sorry...,sir" - said the detective.

-"Its better that you take a break, I do not want to see you in here again, Weggins!" - said Greg annoyed.

Only a beam of light from the street illuminated the room, Greg was the first to enter, but immediately get out the place, Sherlock went pale looking at the macabre scene and John fighted trying not to vomit.

-"John, Greg ... I need you put yourself on control" - said Sherlock frightened.

-"I need to get out a moment," - John said in anguish.

-"I will not go back there again until you're fine, I need you focus on it, it's the only way to find the beast that did this" - said Sherlock overwhelmed.

 

Greg turned on the light, and the three friends come in slowly to the crime scene again, Sherlock started notice that the body was lying in the middle of the bed, the victim's hands and legs were tied to the four ends of the bed, but the axis of the body inclined to the left side of the bed, the head was turned on the left cheek. The whole of the surface of the abdomen and thighs was removed and the abdominal Cavity emptied of its viscera, the arms and legs were mutilated several times by a sword or something similar and the face hacked beyond recognition of the features, the neck was cut through the skin and other tissues right down to the vertebrae the 5th and 6th being deeply notched.

The bed clothing at the right corner was saturated with blood, and on the floor beneath was a pool of blood covering about 2 feet square, the wall and ceiling by the right side of the bed and in a line with the neck was marked by blood which had struck it in a number of separate splashes.

 

-"Sherlock, talk to me!" - Greg said, Sherlock was completely silence; he had never been in the presence of such a horrible crime.

-"The killer feels a deep hatred, Greg" - Sherlock almost whispered, he was shacked profoundly.

-"I can see that, Sherlock," - Greg said, breathing heavily.

-"We must think like him, anger, it is the reason, the killer wait a long time for this, he dedicate all the time to Francis Klein, Why?, he disfigured the victim's face ... that means ..." -

-"That it was not enough to kill him, he wanted forget him" -

-"Indeed, John, but more importantly, the killer looks himself disfigured, completely lost" - Sherlock point to the corner- "the mirror is broken." -

-"He hates himself" - said Greg.

-"Not only that, inside of him he has conflicts, the killer does not do this for pleasure, but the killer is proud to do so, he has no regrets, Greg look the cuts to the bone, all of them postmortem, the killer stayed here for 3-4 Hours with the bodies, completely alone, and yes he is a man insolated, between 35-45 years of age, no family, besides he thinks or feels despised by the rest of the people, perhaps the killer suffers from some mental disorder or a traumatic experience in his life, he is extremely introverted but exceptionally Intelligent and meticulous, must have an important position, manager or commander, a retired military. "-

 

-"You speak as if you admire him" - said Greg, disconcerted.

-"Pardon me?," -  Sherlock said confused. Suddenly Lestrade's phone rang and moved a few feet away from Sherlock, turning his back on the body tied up in bed.

-"Yes, Lady Smallwood ..." - said Greg, - "you have a suspect ..." - Greg turned to look at Sherlock - "John Garbie, if I have heard of him ..." -

-"Who is he? - Whispered Sherlock to John.

-"A famous politician, do not you know him?" - Said John in surprise.

-"A politician?, the killer cannot be a politician, they're too stupid" - Sherlock said proudly. John only smiled at his friend's childish statement.

-"Yeah, yeah, he's right here ..." - Greg pointed to Sherlock - "Lady Smallwood wants to talk to you." -Sherlock left the room before answering.

-"Lady ..." Sherlock was interrupted by a tense voice on the other side.

-"Have you heard from your brother in the last 72 hours, Sherlock?" - Said Lady Smallwood.

-"Mycroft?, No ..." he said worriedly.

-"Sherlock, I cannot contact your brother two hours ago, now I'm on my way to the Mycroft's home and I suggest you do the same ..." - Sherlock threw the mobile phone at Greg, and desperately he under the stairs.

-"Sherlock, what's wrong?!" - John asked.

-"It's Mycroft, something happened, John." - Both men climbed into a taxi. Sherlock was nervous John could feel his friend completely distressed.

 

Quickly he got out of the cab and ran to the front door of his brother's house, his breathing was agitated. - "Mycroft!!" - said Sherlock almost shouting.

-"Sherlock!! ..." - said Lady Smallwood's voice. Sherlock could barely contain his breath.

-"Where is he?" - He said, _clearly_ _distressed_ _._

-"Sherlock, your brother is not here, he left his phone and everything else, and..."

-"and what?" - he asked scared.

-"We have declared him missing, we believe that Mycroft ...someone has kidnapped him, Sherlock" - said Lady Smallwood.

 

Suddenly Sherlock's whole body tensed, a look of what he can only describe as abject terror crossed his features and dropped his tired body on the couch, closed his eyes trying to think, but the feelings of guilt began to flow, Sherlock had never been in this situation before _\- this cannot be happening! -_ He thought desperately.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, I hope you enjoy it guys, forgive me if I have some/few/a lot XD mistakes on my writting, I do my best and will try until I learn this language :) as always thank you.


	7. Sherlock's decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Sherlock realizes how important his brother is in his life, but besides that not only that affects him, he will have to make an important decision...again.**

**_12 hours later._ **

Sherlock was sitting on his brother's bed, in his hands he had the bottles of Mycroft's sleeping pills, the detective began to realize that he had been too wrong, his older brother was not so perfect, Mycroft was certainly not so strong, Sherlock was devastated when he realize that the house was a complete sign that his brother was an alcoholic. The proofs were so clear, psychologically _\- Mycroft is depressed, how did I not realize? -_ the detective lamented deeply, there were bottles of vodka and whiskey in every corner of the house, most of them hidden, Sherlock in a near crazy act took a trash can and start to throw with anger everything he found in his path, while John looked at him in pain, he knew what Sherlock felt a huge guilt and an impotence of not having been there, the younger brother knew that hitting Mycroft made the situation worse.

 

**_20 hours later._ **

-"Do you want me to go with you?" - Sherlock looked down the long corridor without answering to John, Lady Smallwood and Greg were waiting for him.

-"He's inside, Sherlock." - Tender in her voice, he never would be ready for this, the anguish was so deep that Sherlock was paralyzed _in pain_.

Without raising his head, Sherlock walked to the center of the room, the morgue was a usual place for him, the doctor gave him some privacy, in front of him was the black bag, since he frequented those places had opened many like this, but there was Mycroft , the younger brother took a few minutes, Sherlock felt lonely for the first time and his heart was throbbing in his chest, he was terrified, his body was completely tense, the moment should come, he should be brave, slowly opened the bag , and Sherlock just looked inside it, Sherlock supported his hands on the table and ducked his head, his contained breath finally released it, and he breathed deeply again and again _\- he isn't Mycroft, not my brother" -_ he said relieved, Sherlock was emotionally exhausted, so tired to continue, but even though he felt some relief, he knew Mycroft was still lost. the emotional torture that caused Sherlock his own thoughts shattered him even more, it was inevitable, not thinking, not feeling, caring was a disadvantage, because it causes you to suffer when you love someone and perhaps this is the most painful moment for him, Sherlock understood how much he loved his big brother, realizing that now that he had lost him, his feelings grew stronger, but it was useless because Mycroft was gone, it was useless because he could not tell him anymore.

 

**_27 hours._ **

Her heart was pounding with every phone call, after 24 hours, Lady Smallwood called out that Mycroft had not left the country, there was no movement or transaction in Mycroft's bank accounts, there were no phone calls for more than 72 hours, Lady Smallwood discard the idea of kidnapping after contacting most of her agents. The hours passed, Sherlock and John were still at Mycroft's house, looking for a clue, in one of Mycroft's coats, Sherlock found his wallet, there were cards, £ 5 and a ballot: a cigarette purchase and a glass of coffee, in the last pocket there was a photo, Sherlock stared at it for a while and brought his hand to his mouth, his eyes were wet, he could recognize himself in it, Sherlock was sitting next to Eurus under an old tree , Sherlock walked up to the beautiful backyard of his brother's house, needed privacy, he needed understand why Mycroft was not in the photo, he did not remember him, the detective did not remember to "Mike", put the photograph on his chest, _\- "Mycroft, you are a melancholic, brother dear -_ , Sherlock spoke as if Mycroft could hear him, John looked at his friend from a distance, the only help he could offer was to be with him no matter what, Mycroft said to him once _\- look after him -_ , Mycroft maybe he knew that  was not going to be with him for much longer and John was beginning to understand that perhaps Mycroft would not come back.

 

-"Sherlock, you need to rest, you have spent more than a day without sleep" - Sherlock was unrecognizable, emotionally unstable, it was one of those nights, where Sherlock's addiction could appear

\- "John, how can I sleep knowing that my brother needs me out there?" - Both friends looked each other.

\- "You have to tell your parents, Sherlock" - Said John, his best friend was right, always bloody right his parents absent, - they have not called Mycroft in months, what's the point of calling them? - Thought Sherlock.

-"I'll call them when I find Mycroft." - Suddenly Sherlock stares at his partner strangely, as if Sherlock suddenly had an epiphany.

-“What?" - Said John frightened, Sherlock ran down the hall.

"It's not here, John!" - John was more confused than before and looked at the place where there was a raincoat and boots. - "Mycroft's umbrella is missing, he never leaves without it, he forgot everything less the bloody umbrella, why?" - The phone rang, John ran to the table to reach the call.

\- "It's Molly ...!" - Shouted John from the living room, Sherlock trying to understand why the umbrella was not there - "Sherlock? ... They found Mycroft!" - The detective closed his eyes, he needed to hear that word, "- He's alive, Mycroft's in a hospital.”- Sherlock leaned against the wall and took his hand to his chest, John grabbed him by the shoulders -" Are you okay? "- John said worried.

-"I thought that... Mycroft was dead" - he said, almost whispering and breathing heavily. John smiled relieved, they had finally found Mycroft. Sherlock and John were taken in their older brother's car to St Thomas Hospital, John in a perhaps comprehensible act squeezed the hand of his friend, the detective was nervous and just answered with a smile, he knew that he was not alone, he had a new opportunity, where every mistake could be a change.

Greg walked from one place to another in the ICU waiting room, Molly and Greg had searched in several hospitals in the area in the last 7 hours, London was too big and was almost like looking for a needle in a haystack. In the distance they heard a few steps, someone was climbing the stairs and both friends get looked at each other for the last time, they had prepared this moment a few minutes before, what say and as always Molly was the most obvious choice.

-"Where is Mycroft?" - He said, utterly exhausted, as Sherlock was about to enter, Molly took his arm and held him.

-"Sherlock? There's something I need to tell you." - Sherlock stopped short, and a chill shot through his spine.

-"No, now Molly, I need to see Mycroft." - Molly took both her hands and finally she looked into of his eyes, Molly can felt the Sherlock angst.

-"Sherlock, please listen to me" - Molly paused looking at Sherlock's sad blue eyes, she knew this would break her heart - "Your brother is not well ..." - Molly's voice was softly - "Mycroft attempted suicide, Sherlock" - The younger brother tried to say something but this was beyond his comprehension, Molly hugged him, the detective could not believe they were talking about Mycroft, Sherlock took a step back and _put his hands_ on _his head_ , _desperately_  trying to think.

 

Sherlock leaned his hands on the window, looked at the Westminster Bridge, everything he could see seemed so insignificant, the city, the people, Sherlock faded the same way that his thoughts, pain and guilty to eat away his soul, he felt so responsible for Mycroft, his eyes got wet, a warm hand settled on his shoulder.

-"Do not make my mistakes, Sherlock" - John's voice broke - "Mycroft ... needs you now" - Sherlock took John's hand on his shoulder, Sherlock could not speak, it seemed that if he spoke the pain would increase, but he did not know how to help his older brother, he did not know how to get to him.

 

After talking to the doctor, Sherlock climbed to the terrace roof of the hospital, he needed to breathe, he needed to think, every detail, every word of the doctor was like a stabbing, and words were repeated over and over again in his mind _\- "Your brother admission was in the early hours of December 25 at 6:05 am as “no name”  status, he was brought by two men, the information they gave us is that his brother jumped off from Westminster Bridge minutes earlier.”- Mycroft would never take his own life - Sherlock thought - "low vital signs, he had a severe hypothermia that we managed to reverse in an hour, but his condition continued to worsen, we did several exams and the results showed us that your brother had consumed alcohol, amphetamines, and opioids -”do you know that your brother is an alcoholic?"_

That simple question ended up damage him, he knew as little about Mycroft as about John or Molly, his own brother, his own blood, _\- "your brother has all the withdrawal symptoms, but that's not all ... I'm sorry to tell you that your brother suffered a massive heart attack, it is very common in people who feel they are drowning, due to the previous symptoms and the time it took us to discard what happened, it took more than 6 hours to apply the usual treatment, an angioplasty, so that the damage in his heart is important, I cannot assure him how much, but we are doing our best to keep him alive, the withdrawal symptoms worsened his condition so we had to induced coma to him, and also he have an injury to his shoulder that we could not operate for obvious reasons, in addition to numerous lacerations on his face days before, he was beaten brutally "- I did it  - thought Sherlock - "you can see his brother is in critical condition and must be prepared yourself, there is a high probability that...his brother will not make it, the next few hours are important, really sorry Mr. Holmes" - said Doctor as sentencing the fate of Mycroft._

 

Sherlock watched as the town began to fade slowly, the wind was intense and would certainly be another rainy night, in his thoughts were the names of two brothers Tony and Alfred Miller, who rescued Mycroft from drowning.

-“How do you feel, Sherlock?”- The question was obvious, but John needed hear it from Sherlock.

-“I don’t know it…I feel much worse that…when Mary died” – whispered Sherlock, with a quick side glance – “I really don’t know what to do…”- John stood beside him swaying a little, and looking about him at the swaying shadows.

-“Even if you do not believe me, but you have the answer, Sherlock, you have always searched in your heart, the same as you did with Eurus…”- Sherlock look at him sadly. – “I can understand it, you know, a day I felt like you, the same feelings, lost and everything seems that you can’t get over the hurt, I know you'll never tell me but today I could see that you loves Mycroft deeply, that's all you need, just that, nothing more, Sherlock” – John said, his voice was almost peaceful, and John’s words was the most wiser than Sherlock ever heard from him.

The doctor opened the door, behind it was Mycroft, he was connected to numerous machines that kept him alive, the ventilation machine sounded incessantly, and the beeper of the monitor alarm warned of the Mycroft's irregular heartbeat. Sherlock approached him fearfully, it had always been him who lay there, he had always been the junkie, the lost brother, he take Mycroft's hand carefully, the blows that Sherlock had given him were visible, his face was battered, Mycroft was pale, his lips almost blue, almost lifeless. _– “Oh god! What did I do to him?”_ \- Sherlock tries to contain the tears in his effort to be brave.

"There's something else I should tell you" - said the doctor, almost whispering. - "Your brother has burns on his back ..." - Sherlock turned his gaze to the frightened doctor. - "I think it is cigarette burns and the scars are not more than 3 months ago, I thought you should know it, Mr. Holmes"- the doctor retired in silence. Sherlock moved Mycroft's linens, gently touched his older brother's back, counted more than 6 small bulges, it had not healed properly _\- Mycroft was tortured, how was that possible? -_ Sherlock thought that definitely something bad had happened to Mycroft, and it made sense, something terrible could take him to this point and he was determined to find out who had hurt him, always Sherlock imagined Mycroft would die one day but never thought it would be so soon, he had too many things to say to him, to have the conversations they had never had, leave behind the hostilities, Sherlock never imagined how important Mycroft was in his life, day by day, now I needed him as much as Mycroft to him.

 

John walked in silence, daylight pierced the place like a dagger, night rain was over, Sherlock slept peacefully, he had his head on the bed and held Mycroft's hand tightly, someone had covered him with a blanket, John see the scene with tenderness, his friend finally slept soundly, Sherlock had changed too much and sincerely hoped that it was would not be too late for the two brothers, perhaps this time the story will definitely change.

 

\- "Molly, I think you should go home." - the three friends had stayed all night in the hospital.

-"You're right, call me if something happens" - Molly said wearily.

-"I'll take you home" - Greg said. - "I'll be back in the night, Sherlock needs a rest, he cannot do much more for Mycroft "- the voice was sad.

-"I'll try, but I do not think I can separate him from Mycroft, I'll stay with him, Molly, please, give a kiss a Rosie from me" - John said with a slight smile.

 

John sat silently looking at his plastic cup, it had been his fourth coffee, wondering if everything will be ok, he did not know if Sherlock was ready to take on the loss of Mycroft so soon, and somehow he was afraid of Sherlock taking his way of self-destruction in the same way that he took it when Mary died.

 

-"John, we have work to do, follow me!!" - Sherlock said seriously, both men hurried down the stairs.

-"What's going on?" - John said confused.

-"Greg, I need your help, is it possible to get the Westminster Bridge's security cameras between 5am and 6am?" I suspect Mycroft was not alone, I will wait for your call "- Sherlock left the message in the voicemail.

-"Shall we go and see the men who rescued Mycroft?" - Said John wearily.

\- "Yes, John, we are only two streets across the river, I need you to concentrate, every detail, every signal, this is important for me, I need to understand why my brother tried to kill himself" -

 

Although it was winter the place was full of tourists, Sherlock looked from the bridge to the waters of the river - "Mycroft does not know how to swim, John, he never learned, it was the perfect way to die I suppose" - Sherlock said in a sad voice. John only looked him, and starts to wonder if he really accepted the idea that Mycroft had attempted suicide, he had always been the perfect figure for Sherlock, both friends came to the riverbank, there were only a few boats on the makeshift dock.

 

-"Alfred or Tony Miller?" - Sherlock asked expectantly, the man pointed at the end of the dock, the detective ran and make the same question.

-"Who is looking for him?" - Said the man.

-"The man's brother who jumped off the bridge" - Sherlock said.

-"Tony?" - He shouted - "I'm sorry, I'm Alfred, how is he?" - Alfred Miller asked.

\- " he is on critical condition, but still alive" - John said softly.

-"I'm sorry to hear that, you need to know...what happened that night, I suppose" - said the man, Sherlock nodded.

\- "Okay, we left very early that morning to load fuel, it was 5:15 or 5:30 am I think, for us Christmas is a good day to make money, so Tony and I, we were getting ready when we saw a man sitting on the bridge railing"

-"Was he alone?" – Sherlock said impatiently.

\- "It was very cold, so it is common for here to see fog so early, and that day was no exception, but I think I was alone" -

-"I yelled at him not to jump," - said Tony Miller, interrupting the conversation.

\- "He is my brother Tony" - Sherlock looked at them one more time, the detective did not detect any lies, and they certainly did not hidden anything, in their clothes there were signs that the night before they had drunk too much.

-"What happened after that?" – John asked.

\- "We thought he would never jump, but he finally did it, I took off my jacket and I throw myself into the water, he sank quickly and I knew I did not have too long before I got frozen, in the dark I felt something and just pull him with all my strength up, I took him and I started swimming until Tony, he did not move and we thought he was dead "- Sherlock breathed deeply into every macabre detail, he imagined how Mycroft must have suffered to do it something like this.

-"How was he dressed?" - Said John, Sherlock looked at him in surprise.

-"I remember black sportswear, with those hoodies, you know, I had something else." - Alfred got into the boat and a few seconds later he left, Sherlock could see what man was carrying a black rucksack in his hands.

\- "And this rucksack?" - Sherlock was confused, sports clothes, a rucksack, it seems that they were talking about another person.

\- did not bring anything else with him? - Said Sherlock, both men shacked his heads  - "how do you climb to him to the dock?" - The whole place was too high.

-"Here, the current was less strong on this side of the dock" - Tony said, the four of them went down where the stairs touched the waters of the river – “here” - Sherlock looked around the edge of the dock, but found nothing unusual - "Then we took him to the hospital that is only a few streets away, he breathed ..." –

"Sherlock!" - almost shout John, the youngest look where John pointed, sunken between the steps there was a long black stain, - the umbrella - thought Sherlock, quickly the detective threw himself into the river and took the Mycroft's umbrella, he draw the sword of the umbrella to make sure it, Sherlock could see the sharp, shiny sword beneath the thin cloth and at last Sherlock smiled.

 

The rucksack was empty and the umbrella seemed to be intact, Sherlock was worried, he had more doubts that when he had started he was frustrated, he only had minutes before returning to the hospital, he did not want to be alone tonight, so he had planned to be with Mycroft, when Sherlock was 5 or 7 years old he slept on Mycroft's chest, his heartbeat always was relaxed him, Eurus was the cause of nocturnal visits to his older brother's room, Mycroft never objected, his brother gave him a strange security _\- Every mistake, it's an opportunity, every bad moment, it's an opportunity, Sherlock, you just need to think, perspective, everything is perspective_ \- Mycroft had an advanced maturity for his age, phrases repeated as drawn from a book, but there was no book, every decisions that his older brother took, even when Sherlock became ill, were always influential on his parents, Mycroft somehow always had the last word about everything.

He checked the rucksack again and again, start to feel in every corner, his hands felt something, it was a small microsd card, both friends looked expectantly, John turned on his laptop, the seconds were eternal, Sherlock knew that this was the key, the answer, the detective sat down in the chair, John watched attentively every move of his friend, the microsd card had not suffered damage, there was a folder with Mycroft work files, and another with no name, Sherlock went straight there, squeezed his hands, were only videos, only 13 videos in mkv format, the detective played one of them.

There were laughs, the place is dark, something confusing, it seemed to be a party only that the guest was tied to a chair, unconscious or drugged, only 3 minutes of video had gone, but Mycroft did not be there, quick and unexpected, in the video John Barrow appeared with a knife in his hand breaking the clothes of the man tied, Sherlock looked bewildered, and John put his hand to his mouth, Ian Klein finally show up to put the man on the table and tying it, the wild rape would never be erased from their minds, the video lasted a little more than 40 minutes, but they only got tolerate 13 minutes of this, Sherlock turned off the laptop.

-"Sherlock?" - John said worriedly. - "WHAT THE HELLS HAPPENED?!" - John's voice intensified - "Please explain to me what we have just seen!"

\- "A rape, John" - Sherlock was in shock and began to blink quickly.

\- "No, Sherlock, what the hell Mycroft does with these videos where appear the two men murdered?" - John was breathing heavily - "this is evidence, Sherlock!" -

-"I do not know, John" - _Sherlock_ _could barely speak_ _._

\- "It's evidence and you know it!, for god sake Sherlock!! Mycroft knows these men!" - John put his hands on his waist - "you have to give this to Greg, or we will be accomplices!"

-"accomplices, John?!" - Said Sherlock almost shouting.

\- "Whatever those videos means, or maybe you're so blind, Mycroft is involved ..." - John paused - "I cannot be an accomplice, Sherlock, I have family, I have a daughter, please, oh my god!, and also your brother ... "

\- "My brother what? John" - Sherlock looked into John's eyes - "If you do not want to be an accomplice, just go, just get out of here, leave me alone and go!!" - Sherlock's voice was in deep pain, John under the stairs running and only he heard the knock on the door.

Sherlock knew that John was right, once again he had to choose between John or Mycroft, the younger brother was trapped, between the sword and the wall, ironically, he watched all the videos, in each of the 13 videos appeared John Barrow and Ian Klein, raping and torturing his victims, but no video of Mycroft, and the puzzle began to take on a definite form, each piece now made sense, looked at the umbrella once more and without thinking Sherlock hidden it behind his closet in his room, he had to analyze it, Sherlock had to know if Mycroft was involved.

He waited two hours, Sherlock put on his coat, he knew that everything would change from this point, he sat on his sofa, and put the microsd card on the table, and he just wait on silence, _\- Cannot be him, Mycroft is right-handed, the killer is left-handed, at Sherrinford he was not able to take the gun and kill the Governor -_ he thought, he knew that his love for Mycroft could interfere with his decisions, and finally Sherlock chose once again, as pointing with the gun against Mycroft, he felt again, Sherlock could not leave Rosie without a father. Footsteps were heard climbing the stairs, in the darkness of the place, two familiar figures stood before him expectantly of what Sherlock had to offer them.

-"Well, Sherlock?" - Lady Smallwood said as Sir Edwin stood beside her.

-"I want... thirty pieces of silver ..." - Sherlock said in a low voice without raising his face.

 

 

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for the patience, and i'm sorry for the delayed, i hope you enjoy it, the next chapter i will update as soon as possible. peace n' love :D


	8. Mycroft's Confession.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Mycroft finally begins to get rid of his past, and all that he was once, the hardest words and the darkest secret Sherlock had to hear. Mycroft's cofession is a road to the forgive himself **

-"221B Baker Street, please," said the old man, it was another typical morning in London, only the slight breeze and the gray sky were company to Sherlock, he was standing outside of his flat, his hands clasped behind his back, he was been tempted to smoke, he needed to be in control and before he took out a cigarette, a taxi turned in the corner.

On another occasion this visit would have been almost a bother, but this time Sherlock was nervous, he was not his job to give bad news and was not trying personify Mycroft, taking his place was something that despite the time, Sherlock was not yet accustomed, with a fake smile he opened the taxi door.

\- "Sherlock!!" - She exclaimed happily, her father a little more worried, he hugs him.

-"Please ..." - Sherlock said as his parents come in to his flat.

Sherlock was in the kitchen preparing tea, they had not crossed a word between them yet, the younger brother had to be careful, only he would say part of the truth, and certainly Sherlock began to understand Mycroft.

-"Well, how is he?" - Said Mummy Holmes in a petulant voice.

-"Your son?" - Said Sherlock annoyed.

 -"Sherlock, please!" - With warning voice his father spoke to him.

\- "Since you are his parents has the right to know" - Sherlock silently watched his mother's hurt look. -"Mycroft is in the hospital in critical condition." –

-"What happened?" - Said the Daddy Holmes.

-"Mycroft tried to kill himself," - Sherlock said in a sad voice. Mummy Holmes made a gesture of annoyance.

\- "It's not the first time he does ... always drawing attention; I don’t know what he is tried to do!" - Sherlock stood up surprised.

"He is not his first time, was it before the fire at Musgrave?" - His eyes were wild and confused, Daddy Holmes nodded.

\- "Yes, your brother was 9 or 10 years old, when Mycroft tried to jump off the fifth floor of the school where he were studying, you was a little child, you surely do not remember" - Sherlock shakes his head as if he can't believe what he's hearing.- "you never asked him, why?, because it is not normal for a child of that age to commit suicide"-

-"Mycroft, he was jealous of you and Eurus, he never told us but we knew he only wanted our attention, Mycroft was always lonely and he did not play with anyone, not even with your father, after a while he talked less and less or only for say hurtful things "- she said indifferently.

-"Mummy, you could at least pretend to care, we're talking about your son and my brother!" - Exclaimed Sherlock hurted, the father could see in Sherlock's face a deep sorrow.

\- "How bad is Mycroft?" - Sherlock sighed in distress, it seemed that everything was beyond him, Sherlock fell into the chair, thinking what to say, the detective should omit too much information.

\- "Mycroft had a severe heart attack, doctors do not know how bad his heart is but these two days he have had an improvement in his health, and believe that if he continues this way he can leave the coma soon" - Sherlock paused, put his hand in his mouth and continued. "Why did you never tell me that Mycroft had attempted suicide?" - The question was so uncomfortable for his parents that his mother only looked at him in silence.

\- "We never thought it necessary for you to know about Mycroft's suicide attempt, but I was wrong, I thought for a moment that Mycroft had get over it, your brother was never very open to talk to us, he really only talked to us to say something unpleasant, what was typical of him, always was, you know it"- said Mr. Holmes, Sherlock noticed that there was a major problem and was too worried about Mycroft, the idea of suicide had been around for years in Mycroft's mind for a long time, and perhaps never would it leave him, the Sherlock's greatest fear, the Mycroft's demons had been inside of him since the age of nine.

-"We'll stay at Mycroft's?" - Said Mrs. Holmes, Sherlock looked at her coldly, and remembered that Mycroft's house was a crime scene now, the place is completely under security, but they had not found anything there, Sherlock just needed time.

-"No, thinking that Mycroft has always been a damn nasty person, I do not think he would like the idea, a hotel is the best choice for you" - Sherlock said sarcastically.

Sherlock sat on his bed, in front of him was the Mycroft's umbrella, he took it and looked at the shiny sharp blade, checked the point again, there was dried blood in it, a small sample would be enough, with a knife he carefully scraped the blood and throwing it into a small jar, this would be a long night, but Sherlock would not be alone, Molly was willing to help him _\- Always Molly -_ he thought, and no matter what happened, Sherlock was determined to be with Mycroft, he did not feel he owed something to him, the protection was born from the deep feelings of Sherlock, had never been this way with Mycroft, never had the need to protect him, but he knew that his older brother was carrying a lot things on his shoulders for too long.

 

 

John Garbie was no longer the only suspect, Mycroft Holmes was the new one involved in the killings, Sherlock had the newspaper in his hands, the issues surrounding the strange homicides were still being covered by The Sun and the Daily Mirror, the two newspapers most sensationalists in England. By day the hospital was a complete chaos and so Sherlock sat on the rooftop terrace, some nurses and doctors also came there to smoke, the sun reached his face and the blue sky seemed to have no end, it was a beautiful day in London. John appeared without greeting and sat down next to him.

-"I'm sorry, Sherlock, I was a stupid selfish" - said John, overwhelmed.

-"Why did you take so long?" - Sherlock said, grinning, four days had passed and he had missed him too much.

-"How's Mycroft?" - Sherlock sighed deeply.

\- "My brother has improved these days, the doctor thinks he could leave the coma today or tomorrow" - _Sherlock_ quickly responded.

-"You're not happy?" - Sherlock looked at the floor.

\- "I must take advantage of being with him now, I feel that when Mycroft wakes up he will hates me more than he already does" - Sherlock turned to see John -” I gave the microsd to Lady Smallwood, with the videos on it, I betrayed him, John "- he said in anguish.

"No, you did the right thing, Sherlock, although this hurts you, Mycroft would have done the same, I think" - Sherlock after analyzing the umbrella was not so sure that Mycroft was not the _"night killer_ ", the name that gave the press to the serial killer, the dried blood Sherlock found on the umbrella was human and not his brother's, and the blade of the sword was damaged with different horizontal strokes. Sherlock handed the newspaper to John - " _John Garbie, from politician to gangster: his connections with the Russian mafia keep him under interrogation_ ," John read aloud. - "I talk to Greg, Mycroft is now suspect, but by security cameras do not place him near the murder, and confirm that the recordings were made in Sherrinford, the victims ... prisoners, and the videos was commercialized on the deep web, that was the work of Francis Klein "

\- "Yes, he gave me the same information, Mycroft's house is now a crime scene, the secret service has searched in every corner of the house, and they have not found anything at all" - Sherlock before handing the microsd to Lady Smallwood had made sure to check Mycroft's home very well, he knew they would find nothing.

-"How are your parents?" - John put on his waistcoat as they spoke.

\- "They are fine, they visited Mycroft and today they return home" - Sherlock said indifferently.

-"After all this time maybe they'll reconcile with Mycroft" - Sherlock smiled bitterly and John did not insist - "Today is New Year, Sherlock, we'll all be at Molly's home, you can go if you want" - he said John with some uncertainty in his voice.

-"Thank you, John, but I'll stay with Mycroft today" - he said in pain, Sherlock was beginning to feel a bit like Mycroft, distant, lonely.

-"Can I stay with you?" - John asked worriedly.

-"Thanks again, John, I need to be alone today and you should be with Rosie" - Sherlock stood up  and offered his hand to John - "I must come back, maybe I see you tomorrow, happy new year, John" - said Sherlock gently, without saying more, turned and retired, John noticed in Sherlock's expression in his face, his friend was still hurt.

-"Happy New Year, Sherlock" - John said sadly.

 

 

The Big Ben's bells rang and Sherlock took Mycroft's hand. - "Happy new year, Myke!" - Sherlock trying holding his tears, the older brother was not intubated but the drugs still kept him unconscious, completely oblivious to what he was around, Sherlock opened the curtains and looked at the fireworks from the chair, and he could hear people shout excitedly, and Sherlock wondered if anyone else would be in his position.

The alarm on the monitor sounded incessantly, Sherlock woke up confused, quickly remembered where he was, frightened he looked at Mycroft who was beginning to wake up, he moved uneasily and almost gasping, Sherlock got up quickly to try to calm down him.

-"Mycroft, I'm here"- he said, smiling.

Mycroft could not feel his body completely numb, but if he heard the voice of his younger brother, and felt his heart explode in his chest, he was confused trying to understand what was happening, with each breath Mycroft feel that his throat burned it and he felt a slight pain in his left arm.

-"Sher ... Sherlock." He could barely speak a word; his breathing was quick and agitated.

-"Brother mine, do not talk, just rest." - Sherlock put his hand on Mycroft's head.

-"Sher ... I should not be here ..." - Mycroft's sad eyes met Sherlock's, the younger brother understood what Mycroft wanted to say, Sherlock felt the same when Mary died, the desires to die, and those words were not strange for him but if that words hurt him, it was Mycroft saying to him; - I should be dead - , Sherlock trying to control himself, approached him, and spoke softly to his ear.

"I promise you'll never be alone again, I'll be with you no matter what." - Mycroft closed his eyes, and his heart start to calm down, the older brother reached for Sherlock's hand, and only fell asleep once more, and Sherlock he finally found some peace in his thoughts, for a moment he felt that their differences were over between them, that they were only two brothers who keep to love each other despite the hurts, and that they needed beyond their reasoning and pride, the detective smiled to see that Mycroft after a few minutes began to drool, Sherlock took a towel and very carefully lift the oxygen mask cleansing his brother's face, he never imagine doing something like that, Sherlock arranged his brother's head on the pillow, Mycroft made a sound complaining - "do not be grumpy!" - Sherlock said aloud, he was happy, his brother had returned to stay indefinitely in his life, or at least Sherlock believed.

 

Happiness is something so ephemeral, a transitory stage in everyone's life, and Mycroft knew this very well, he was accompanied by seagulls and a sea breeze that gently beat his face, he loves the idea that everyone on the secret service, Interpol and the same Scotland Yard, they searched to him for all over England, a slight laugh came out of his mouth just imagining this situation, he took a cigarette from the pack and turned it on, he know that he could not smoke, the doctor had left an extensive list of prohibitions, which of course he would never follow, Mycroft was not accustomed to being given orders, he sat swinging his legs on the bank of a pier, leaned on the old gnawed wood, underneath it could be heard as the waves crashed against the pier, it was like music to his ears, it relaxed him, Mycroft closed his eyes and he could hear his heart pounding in his chest at every breath, _\- the doctor was right n after all -_ Mycroft thought, the cigar was not good for him, he start to cough and had to sit once more, catching his breath Mycroft look at the horizon, he knew this would be the last image he could remember as a free man, the older brother was determined, he could not keep lie and Mycroft was unable to look to baby brother, he needed to get away from Sherlock's life, Mycroft realized that he was not good for Sherlock, his obsessive protection, his compulsive security, manipulations, and his constant rivalries, Mycroft only hurt him.

 

He looked at his watch, the sun was beginning to fade, it was the most beautiful sunset he had seen in a long time, somehow regretted having spent much of his life in government affairs, but he did it for his family, it was his only reason, Sherlock and Eurus, it was all that mattered to him, the older brother take his phone, his hands tremble uncontrollably, Mycroft did not have many options, did not know whether to take the secret with him or simply face reality, in both cases the damage which could provoke Sherlock was unavoidable, turned on the mobile phone and it was only a matter of minutes before all the government machinery came to him, dropped the phone to the floor, and pressed his coat against his chest and enjoyed the last minutes of sun, the colors in the sky went from lilac to intense red, Mycroft was amazed and simply closed his eyes and finally the darkness began to cover him once more.

\- "Mycroft Holmes!" - the voice was familiar, the government official smiled. - "is this funny for you?" - Mycroft turned slowly.

\- "A free man can not enjoy a sunset?" - Mycroft asked sarcastically.

\- "I remind you that you are in custody" - said Alice annoyed.

\- "and you have come to look for me personally, what an honor!" - Mycroft said mockingly

-"At the moment Mycroft, you are not only the most powerful man in England but also the most dangerous man, we had to make sure" - said Sir Edwin, Mycroft look at Sir Edwin, he had never considered himself so with such qualifiers.

\- "I think the time has come it, Alicia, in which the truth will set us free" – Mycroft said seriously. Lady Smallwood looked at him in surprise - "I am ready ... I am ready for anything" - The strange words sounded as cold and decisive as before.

Mycroft was dressed in his black 3-piece suit and red tie, his favorite suit, he left his coat on the back of the chair and rested his elbows on the metal table, it was the same place where he and Lady Smallwood had been, only what now, and Mycroft was the accused. Lady Smallwood paused in silence and noticed that Mycroft looked very calm.

\- "Well, Mycroft, I hear you" - Mycroft leaned on the back of the chair.

\- "Before I start it, I need you to give me your word that my family will know nothing about this, especially Sherlock, you have done it before, second thing, I need we'll be only you and me, that everyone who is looking through that glass are go away it, you can record if you want, but I cannot continue if they are here "- the strange request baffled Lady Smallwood, nodded and immediately got up and left the place.

-"I need you all to go!" - Said Lady Smallwood.

-"I'm staying" - Sherlock said seriously, looking at John. "Please, John." Sherlock kept looking at Mycroft, he felt in his heart that this would hurt him but he needed to know Mycroft's secrets.

Lady Smallwood sat down, and there was a tense silence between them, she could see that Mycroft's breathing became much more agitated than before, and she knew this was much more important, it was a few minutes before Mycroft finally looked at Lady Smallwood.

\- "I need to tell you this, I have not told anyone and for years I keep this for myself  ..." - Mycroft paused, he look at ceiling, take a deep breath and closed his eyes, Sherlock realized that this was difficult for his big brother, Mycroft continued - "I had eight years old when He used to come round to our house on Sunday nights mainly, for a roast dinner and he'd always find time to play with me, He'd pretend to be a horse and I'd climb on his back and he'd buck and twist and turn, and I was a cowboy at a bucking bronco contest, and I fucking loved him”- Mycroft paused and He looks at Lady Smallwood - "I did not have much attention from my parents and I could understand them, Eurus had a year and Sherlock 2 years, they were just a babies, I could not playing with them, so I felt lonely for a long time, my Uncle Rudy was all the time with me, we played football and kicked the can and made fires in the woods and bows and arrows, you know.” -

 -“One day we went camping for the weekend, my tent was an old army one of my dad's and when we started to put it up, he said it wouldn't be any good because it wasn't waterproof anymore and it was gonna rain, but that was ok, he said, because my uncle Rudy had room in his tent, that night, he only gave me a massage to help with the day's hike and” - Sherlock put his right hand to his heart, like a presaged, he could feel it, the horrible truth –“and…the next night, he touched me and asked me to touch him, it didn't rain that night either. I've spent a lifetime talking to you about the shame and guilt and how I thought I must have actually wanted him to do it because sometimes I got an erection. And how I couldn't tell mum and dad because he was their family too and I didn't wanna upset them or embarrass anyone, I didn't wanna be shame the family name. And how I couldn't tell anyone else because he said I'd be sent away if I did, but I do still ask myself every single day, Why didn't I tell someone? Then over the next six months, on visits to our house when my parents were out he did he did things, which actually physically damaged me for life... because a 48-year-old man is not meant to put himself inside a eight year old boy” – Lady Smallwood closed her eyes, Mycroft's confession was much harder to hear, she did not know what to say, and she only heard the fragile man in front of her, who for years seemed to her untouched and cold.

Mycroft could barely speak, felt his chest tight and has difficulty breathing – “But much worse than the physical damage is the damage he did to me as a person, because that first time, he changed me constantly and forever, after that he came every Christmas, I hate Christmas always I will do, I was not a child anymore, I did not play with Eurus or Sherlock, I was not interested, I overeat, and vomited every time I ate to avoid getting fatter, I did not know what was happening to me, Sherlock...he mocked me for my weight and still does, _\- How is the diet, Mycroft? -_ I do not blame him, Sherlock did not know, my mother always punished me every time I ate too much "- Mycroft sighed deeply and bowed his head -"after a few years my uncle Rudy come less and less, and when the Musgrave incident happened, my uncle Rudy started to look at Sherlock with that dead eyes, you understand me, Sherlock was 5 years old, I could not allow that to happen, I was desperate so I told my mummy what he had done to me and that he would do the same with Sherlock, I had 12 years old, she told me, I can remember her words very well _\- "stupid and lying child, you think that you can invent something like this, you just try to draw our attention, get out of here"_ – she closed the door on my face and  then I realized that our parents were not able to protect us, I felt a lot of anger and sorrow, but I had to do something, so one Christmas night, before my uncle Rudy got into Sherlock's bed I went to his room, I did not want Sherlock to suffer more, he had already suffered with Victor's loss, so I just did it, sometimes my uncle was very tender and other times was a violent one, taught me to hide my bruises with makeup and sometimes he dressed as a woman in my mother's clothes, I also did it many times, after a few years I realized that it was the kind of love I had or could obtain from an adult, when he died I thought that finally my life would change, that I could have the life I wanted, but it was not like that and rest… you know the story, Alicia.-

Lady Smallwood tried to take Mycroft's hand, but he was too embarrassed and uncomfortable, the pain was too deep, Sherlock felt a deep hatred, confused and hurt, he needed to continue listening to his brother.

Mycroft could feel his heart beating once more in his chest, and that pain increased, but he needed this and continued –“The drinking, the rage, the eating disorder, the suicide attempts, the fighting, the manic working, the endless, exhausting, visceral rage that I feel every day of my life, that I feel right at this moment, having to explain this to you, that is all because of him.  What is the probability that this will happen in your life again? I never imagined it, I met Ian Klein and John Barrow, they were security guards at Sherrinford, one day I went to see Eurus, escape easily, hit one of them, and revenge was they raped and tortured me, but for three weeks, every night, I cannot explain to you ... I just wanted to die and I still want it, but only anger and my thirst for revenge kept me alive, I could not let them hurt her, Eurus, so my only purpose, my existence these months was to plan how to kill each of them, I enjoy do it, when with my sword I stabbed them I felt my anger break free, see them drown in their own blood and plead for their miserable lives and I...just I smiled, Francis Klein was the last one and just was pure pleasure, I would do it again, again and again, but it would become more and more brutal, I would not allow them to die so fast, I would have them under my shadow for hours, and they would die slowly…”- Mycroft dropped his arms to his side and it was the same sensation he felt when he jumped off the Westminster Bridge, it was ready, it was done, he closed his eyes and looked up, his blue eyes penetrated Lady Smallwood – “Now you know who I am, Alicia, so you might put me in Sherrinford again, but let me tell you this, you can't judge me unless you've had it done to you. I won't ever, ever let anyone judge me for what I did.” - Mycroft said stating his fate; he had been his own executioner.

Alicia was frozen, the minutes were eternal, she could not say a word, and she felt as if she were sinking in the chair

-"Would you hurt me, Mycroft?" - Lady Smallwood's voice was compassionate.

-"I do not know, because I do not know who I am anymore" - Mycroft said softly.

\- "Would you hurt Sherlock?" -

-"Never," - he replied, sure.

-"Why?" - Asked Lady Smallwood.

\- "Because it's the only good feeling in me, my love for him and Eurus, the only good thing, I love my brother, I would never hurt him" - said Mycroft somewhat disturbed, and tired.

Sherlock ran to the bathroom, and began to vomit compulsively, John tried to hold him, Sherlock felt a shock to his senses, a pain too intense, Sherlock kicked the bathroom door, anger pure, and other government agents come in trying to hold him until that the younger brother defeated fell to the floor, completely shocked Sherlock started to cry, John did not understand what had happened, but only hugged him with all his might, Lady Smallwood had cannot talk, she knew that Sherlock was suffering as much as she, now Sherlock understood all the behavior of Mycroft, all this time, it all made sense now, the younger brother had seen through his brother's tired heart, completely translucent, brutally real and sincere, Mycroft's deepest pain, that he carried on for years, Sherlock was not able to imagine for everything that Mycroft had to stand to ensure his well-being and from Eurus, the younger brother was shattered and understood that Mycroft would never be the man he once was.

-"Is it alright, Sherlock?" - Sherlock's eyes reddened. "How can I help you?" - John said desperately.

-"Just stay with me and do not ask anything, just for now." - Sherlock rinsed his face, the cold water was a relief, his eyes burned with the slightest light, John brought a cup of tea, he had never seen Sherlock like this way, this state, and John was too worried, the detective stood up, he was ready, and the most difficult time was yet to come.

Sherlock looked from the smoked glass, and Mycroft sat up, but this time he was handcuffed to the table, Sherlock understood that his brother was a danger to himself so much for the rest, he took a deep breath and slowly opened the door, Mycroft raised his head, his eyes immediately get saddened, and he lowered his face.

-"Tell me Sherlock, did you hear everything I said, did not you?" - Sherlock nodded, Mycroft stood up, tried unsuccessfully to loosen his tie, it was difficult to breathe, start to pull the chain that kept him handcuffed to the table – “I don't need your pity, Sherlock!!” - Mycroft said angrily and his blue eyes darkened again.

\- "Mycroft, calm down!!" - Sherlock ordered, the older brother took the chair and struck the glass again and again.

-“WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME?!"- Mycroft yelled desperately to Lady Smallwood, Mycroft felt his heart jump into his throat, continued to pull his handcuffs and blood flowed, he felt anger, Sherlock tried to approach to him but was useless, Mycroft held the chair in his hands until he made a gesture of pain and carry his hand to his chest, Sherlock immediately held him in his arms as if he lose him.

\- "Stop Mycroft, please stop!" - Sherlock begs him, - "Go, and get Dr. Watson!" - Shouted Sherlock to a guard, could feel Mycroft's heart out of control - "Come on Myke, breathe, just breathe!”- Mycroft finally let out his breath that was pressing on his chest, and Sherlock put him in the chair again, he looking at John.

\- "I think it was a panic attack, Sherlock, he needs to rest, he is very agitated, it is not good for his heart" - Sherlock came back and crouched next to his older brother, he loosened his tie a little more -"I will take care of you" - Sherlock said softly, the older brother still breathing heavily, Mycroft was pale and not able to look to the Sherlock's eyes.

\- "Sherlock ... you must get away from me" - Mycroft, barely speak.

-"Why?" - Sherlock asked.

-"For years I have manipulated you, controlled, I have played with people for too long." - said the weary older brother.

-"That's just over, just over, Mycroft, you and I will not be the same person, even if it takes us a lifetime, can we get over this?" - Mycroft leaned his head against the wall and looked at Sherlock's anguished face.

-"Every bad time, it's an opportunity, Sherlock." - A sad smile was drawn on Sherlock's face. The detective was terrified. He knew Mycroft could spend the rest of his life in prison.

-"Myke, what would you do if I were in your place?" - Mycroft sighed.

-"Just let me go." - Sherlock closed his eyes and took his older brother's hand.

-"I do not care what you think of you, because you'll always be my brother, I do not care how many times you ask me to leave, I do not care if you yell me or get angry, because I don't want to leave you behind, I'm here now, and I'm not going to let you go, I do not want to lose you again ... because even if you do not believe me... I need you brother mine ... I need you with me "- Sherlock rested his face in the Mycroft's head and hug him with all his might, he could feel Mycroft's tears on his hand and Sherlock could not help feeling the same, both stayed that way for long time, it was the greatest consolation they could get, they had never shown such affection, they had never shared their pain before, Mycroft felt an indescribable peace, at last it was over and Sherlock realized that his big brother was a better man than he ever imagined.

 

**********************


	9. Aria: Mycroft's cell.

He closed his eyes for a minute and rested his head on the cold wall. He was tired, and although it seemed as if everything was over, his concern for Mycroft continued, Sherlock was impatient and needed more time for all things to be diluted in front of him. John went silent, looked at both brothers, Mycroft was lying on the bed and Sherlock sitting on a chair was sleep, carefully woke him up. Sherlock confused looked at him in the dark, smiled relieved to see his friend.

 

-"I brought you some things, I told Molly what happened, are you sure you want to stay?" - Sherlock took the bag, looking at John.

\- "This is where I must be, John, I will not leave until I know what will happen with Mycroft" - His voice was more calm - "There are still things that I and my brother should talk about, we must think in what we will tell our parents" –

-"When will you tell me what's going on?" - Sherlock remained silent and John paused, looking for Sherlock's eyes that were lost looking at the end of the hallway. -"How is he?"-

\- "Mycroft looks too tired, has difficulty sleeping and his breathing is agitated, I do not know and that worries me still have to face many things and like his retirement" - Sherlock sigh anguished - "I'm afraid, John ...I'm terrified to think that Mycroft tries to commit suicide again. "- _Sherlock_ _brought_ _his_ own _hand_ _to_ _his_ _mouth_ _._

-"Mycroft will not, Sherlock" - John said confidently. Sherlock looked at his friend.

-"How can I be sure? Mycroft is not thinking well, needs all my help, I think he felt the same way when I got lost in some alley to get high ... "- Sherlock took off his scarf and looking at John once again -" As if life were a play, the roles have been reversed, John" - The doctor nodded, Sherlock was right.

-"You're not alone, Sherlock." - That phrase meant a lot for him, Sherlock closed his eyes and stared at the ceiling, he said softly.

-"Thank you, John" - Sherlock come into the small cell again, it was only four hours before dawn began, at 9 am  was summoned to a meeting with Lady Smallwood and Sherlock would play his last letters to prevent Mycroft from ending up locked at Sherrinford, the detective knew that this will be killing his brother.

Mycroft in the dark start to cough, with difficulty sat on the small bed, Sherlock took a glass of water and gave it to him.

-"Are you okay?" - His voice was soft but sad, Mycroft shook his head. "Do you have any pain?" - Sherlock said worriedly, in the darkness he could see Mycroft trying to catch his breath.

-"No ... I cannot breathe ..." - Mycroft said tiredly.

Sherlock put his hand to his face thinking what to do, the detective closed his eyes, and slowly hugged him - "I'll take you to home, brother mine" - it is was his promise, he knew that Mycroft deserved something better that be there in that little cell, just that Sherlock was not sure if that would really happen.

 

He looked at his hands once more, it trembling like his whole body, the symptoms of alcohol withdrawal were still visible and his anxiety increased, the door slowly opened, two agents of the secret service stood in front of him, the moment had come in, an insecure Mycroft walked down the hallway, he knew he had no right to a trial, and in all likelihood he would end his days in Sherrinford, he had always feared it, since the day of construction of that prison he always thought that someday the government would seek to silence him, locking him up, and if he was lucky enough to commit suicide or be murdered was the best option, the only thing the older brother regretted was that he had created the precise circumstances, his only consolation was that Sherlock no longer needed him, neither his influence nor his power.

Sherlock waited for Mycroft out of the office, nervously paced from place to place, his hands perspired and he felt increasingly uncomfortable, he looked at the end of the hallway, Mycroft was heavily guarded.

-"Are you ready?" - Sherlock asked distressed as he adjusted his brother's tie.

-"Stop worrying about it, Sherlock, you know what will happen" - Mycroft said coolly, his brother was right, the decision had been made, and Mycroft knew far better than he the ways the government was solving their affairs.

 

-"Sit down Mycroft" - Sir Edwin commanded, the officer looked inquiringly around him, Lady Smallwood and other cabinet's officers looked at him, his posture was arrogant and indifferent way Mycroft walk into the room and he sat, breathing heavily, barely able to control himself and Mycroft could feel his heart pounding in his chest, Sherlock sat next to him, the government official smiled slightly pleased that Sherlock was there, it was more than he could expect, the scene was the same, it appeared as if _his_ _worst_ _nightmare_ was coming true, both returned to the same situation but with a different destiny.

-"For the record of this meeting, say your codename and position" - said Lady Smallwood seriously. _Mycroft_ _rolled_ _his_ _eyes_ in exasperation.

\- "Antarctica, government official of foreign affairs and trade, MI6" - Lady Smallwood avoids eye contact with Mycroft.

-"John Garbie, was he your accomplice?" - Mycroft smirked.

\- "For a moment I thought you'd never ask, we all need a tragedy, Alicia, and John Garbie was only collateral damage, he's just a corrupt politician to torture for a while, but nothing more" -

-"Do you still affirm your confession?" - Sir Edwin asked. Sherlock looked closely at his brother.

-"Absolutely" - Mycroft said in a low, serious voice.

-"I know it's been a few hours, and I know you've thought about everything, do you feel any remorse for what you did?" - Lady Smallwood asked.

\- "The question is ... Why should I?" - Lady Smallwood dropped her body into the back of the chair.

-"Do you have anything else to say? This is the moment, Mycroft "- the older brother looked at Sherlock.

 -”Never in all my life” - Mycroft _inhaled_ _deeply_ and he clasped his hands together, furrowing his brow; Sherlock could feel the tension in his brother's body.

-"Well," said Sir Edwin, he looked at Alicia, she took the papers.

\- "A few hours ago when we met here, we did not ask the old question, and you know it very well, Mycroft, and the question is: why should we send you to prison?" - Alicia paused and looked at Sherlock - "you told me that I did not judge you and I did it because I cannot understand the suffering you've been through, and no one here intends to do it, the next question was: Do Mycroft need to be punished? " - Mycroft's body froze and he could feel the terror of moment. - and that is it,  because for me and I think that your whole life has been one long, indescribably brutal punishment and I cannot see why we should continue punishing you, I cannot see who benefited it, we have decided that you will not go to Sherrinford, about this you should thank Sherlock who delivered to us the videos of the violations you had in your rucksack, if you were involved it this exchange would ensure your future and so it was, your brother tried to protect you "- Mycroft looked surprised at Sherlock. - "Mycroft, you needs all the help you can get, that's why we've decided that you need rehabilitation ..." Alicia drank some water and paused, Mycroft knew that the moment of humiliation was coming. - "You will be admitted to a psychiatric hospital in Switzerland for as long as it is necessary, you have one of the best psychiatric centers in Europe and we are fully confident that your name they will keep hidden it, you will leave this afternoon, that is all" - said Lady Smallwood coldly. Mycroft closed his eyes.

 

\- "Are you angry?" - Said Sherlock worried, was sitting watching his brother who was leaning on the wall, but he did not answer. "Disappointed?" - Sherlock put his hands to his face. After a few minutes of silence Mycroft sat next to him.

-"I cannot be angry with you, I'm with myself, because I'm supposed to protect you, Sherlock" - The detective looked at his older brother's pale face. "How do you feel?" - Mycroft asked sweetly.

-"Tired, but better than you, i think" - he said in a low voice.

-"You need sleep, Sherlock." - Mycroft settled his body in the small bed and stretched his arm. "Come on, Sherlock" -the younger brother smiled, strangely on occasions like this he could sleep in his brother's arms.

-“Aren’t we too grown up for this? Besides, there are cameras, aren't you worried what Lady Smallwood can think about this?"- Mycroft smiled.

-"I am a serial killer for her, Sherlock, what can be worse than that, besides you are my baby brother, and you will always be for me, no matter what happens between us." - Sherlock approached and dropped his head on Mycroft's chest; he could hear the brother's heart beating hard.

-"Do you feel well?" - Sherlock asked worriedly.

-"I feel the same as you, I think" - Mycroft said.

-"What shall I tell our parents?" Asked Sherlock.

\- "The truth, just the truth, that I will be a psychiatric hospital trying to be the man I once was," - Mycroft said with melancholy.

-“Myc?” – Sherlock said.

\- “Yes, Sherlock” –

-“You have a heart, a good one after all, I never doubted it” - Silently Mycroft put his arm around Sherlock, supporting him.

Sherlock fell asleep quickly, and Mycroft thought that only a few days ago his brother had beaten him, but here they were sharing the pain in their own way for the first time in a long time, Mycroft was not sure he could overcome it, the life he had know it had gone, the idea of suicide was hovering in his head every moment, beyond all logic for Mycroft was still the best option, he would never be again the "British government himself", Mycroft in a fatherly act he kissed Sherlock on the head and hugged him tightly, he knew that maybe this was the last moment together, the last moment where he could hug his brother, and he knew that part of his fight was lost, in the background of his heart Mycroft recognized that he would not come back alive.

 

The sky was gray, and a warm breeze reached his soft skin, he looked around as if bidding farewell to everyone he had ever known, Sherlock was beside him - "It's time to leave, Mycroft" - said Sir Edwin .

"Sherlock ... I want" - Mycroft said as he was interrupted.

"Not now, not yet, I'm going with you, brother mine" - Sherlock said sadly. By the time Laussane arrived, Switzerland was completely at night, and they were both in a hall of the hospital facing each other without knowing what to say, it was time to say goodbye.

\- "Promise me…" –

\- "I'll be fine Sherlock ..." - said quickly Mycroft knew he was not able to promise anything to Sherlock.

\- "I'll come in 30 days, you know the visits are restricted" - Sherlock was afraid. Mycroft nodded. "I'm scared ..." said Sherlock in angst.

"Sherlock ... please!" - Mycroft hated the farewells.

-"I need to tell you ... when you were missed, I felt that I had lost you and I do not want to go through that again, Myc" - said Sherlock anguished, his eyes got wet, Mycroft approached to hug him.

\- "Forgive me Sherlock, for everything" - Mycroft sighed heftily and trying to control himself - "Never forget ...that this stupid old man loves you deeply, I really love you both, you and Eurus, so much that...it is almost unbearable" - Mycroft look at Sherlock with a faint smile on his face, quickly Mycroft take his suitcase and without looking back Mycroft disappeared.

Sherlock stood without being able to move, watching as his older brother was lost among the hospital staff, not knowing if he would see him again, not knowing if he would have the conversation that Sherlock hoped to have with Mycroft, the life would not be easy for the younger brother from now on.

 

 

Sherlock slowly climbed the stairs of his flat, he held the stair rail at every step, Sherlock felt really tired, when he entered the living room his friends were waiting for him, unable to think about everything that had happened these last three days, Sherlock sat down heavily in his couch while Molly, Mrs. Hudson and John looked at him worriedly.

-"Sherlock, do you want a cup of tea?" - Mrs. Hudson said sweetly, Sherlock slowly pulled off her scarf, nodded, unable to utter a word.

-"How are you, Sherlock?" - Molly asked worriedly, Sherlock stared at her.

-"I do not know . Molly, what am I supposed to feel?" - Sherlock said confused.

-"Sherlock, we just want to know what happened." - John said sitting down next to Sherlock. - "We want to know if we can help." - And then Sherlock ducked his head and he get out something of his pocket.

"This is Mycroft's ring and watch" - Molly looked startled at Sherlock, thinking that the worst had happened. Sherlock sighed deeply, did not know what to say to them and after a few seconds - " Mycroft has been admitted to a psychiatric hospital after he confessed that he had murdered the three men, the same three homicides we were investigating, John" - a loud sound of a plate crashing against the floor was heard from the kitchen, and Dr. Watson was astonished, it was as if he had been hit in the head. - "Please do not ask me the reasons why Mycroft did it, I can only tell you this ..." - Sherlock's eyes grew wet and his throat tightened almost preventing him from speaking - "...I am not able to judge to my own brother ...nor I will ever…I need to rest ... "- the silence in the living room became almost unbearable.

 

Sherlock leaned against the door of his room, his thoughts still distressed him, he still had the same unanswered questions, and those last words from Mycroft seemed a farewell, he began to feel dizzy and his heart was pounding, almost exhausted, Sherlock tried to walk until his bed, but suddenly felt that everything was falling around him and simply could not, the blow with the floor was so strong that immediately left him unconscious.


	10. Mycroft's human side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **although Mycroft has hit bottom, he still thought that he did not need help, in a process of acceptance, both brothers acknowledge that they need mutual help to heal their hurts.**

It was an afternoon of summer, the warm wind sweeping across the meadow, the countryside, something Mycroft loved secretly, since he was a child, away from all human contact, devoid of the real world, definitely his happiest years were there, he slowly climbed the steep hill, the grass was so long that it is entangled in his slippers, with only a grey shirt and blue shorts was all he was wearing, in the distance he saw to Sherlock was sitting under the huge and old oak, a soft smile curved his mouth, from the first moment he held him on his arms, from the first moment Sherlock said him intelligible words and it seemed to him ironically cute, never he did not think that Sherlock was very clever, but no matter, Sherlock is his brother, he love him in all probability, and he thought for the first time that he would not be alone anymore.

 

-"Where's Eurus?" - Sherlock shrugged, and Mycroft breathed exasperatedly. - "We have to go home, mummy calls us to dinner and you must take a bath first" - Mycroft ordered as he closed the closure of Sherlock's vest.

-"No, I'm hot and thirsty!" - Said Sherlock angrily.

-“Take the bottle with water”- Mycroft was always ready for this.

-“How do you know I'm thirsty?” - said Sherlock curiously.

-“Well, you were playing in the sun all afternoon, and I figured you sweated too much...” - Mycroft watched Sherlock's surprised face. –“you’ll learn, brother mine … It's getting dark, soon it will be very cold, I do not want you to get sick, Sherlock" - Mycroft tried to take Sherlock's hand

\- "Help me find Eurus" - Sherlock turned his face in scorn.

-"Come on, Sherly, you know...I don't like to enter the forest alone, besides, you are a pirate you can protect me "- said the young Mycroft with a smile, Sherlock jumped off the floor and taking one of the branches that were on the ground Sherlock pretending to have a sword, he stab him the Mycroft's bulging belly.

-"Oh he has hurt me, black beard!!" - Mycroft shouted overreacting and pretending pain.

-"You're not dead yet, Myc!" - Sherlock lunged at Mycroft's feet; the grass was damp from the rain the day before. - "I got you, surrender!!" - Sherlock yelled as he climbed into Mycroft's belly.

-"Never never!!" - Mycroft said seriously. Sherlock released the branch in his hands and started tickling with his little fingers in the Mycroft's neck.

-"surrender, Myc!!" - Sherlock screamed again with a mischievous smile, he enjoyed these little moments where Mycroft was a child again and forgets to be an adult.

-"okay!! I give up! "- said Mycroft gasping.

-"Say it, say it Myc!" - Sherlock looked at Mycroft with huge blue eyes.-"I surrender to the best and the most powerful pirate, black beard!" - Mycroft said, laughing happily.

-"Yeeess the most poooowerfuuul!! -Sherlock screamed with joy – “You're the best brother I have, and that's why I love you" - Sherlock said suddenly, a warm feeling welled up in Mycroft's chest, he knew that his younger brother was too emotional and he seemed so weak, he feared that he would suffer for this.

-"and I to you," replied Mycroft tenderly.

-"Come on, Myc, are you coming?" - Mycroft stared at Sherlock with a grin still lying on the grass, in his hands was the paper pirate cap he made for Sherlock, suddenly Mycroft heard a voice at the ones that disconcerted him

\- "Who are you talking to, Mycroft?" - She said. Mycroft was still staring at Sherlock who called him but could not hear him, - "to whom are you talking?”- The voice repeated the question and a hand gently lay on his shoulder, as if it were a dream, it seemed so real, Mycroft looked his hands and he no longer had the pirate hat and looked ahead, there was no a forest, Sherlock wasn't there, only a window in front of him and a gray day, frightened Mycroft rose from the chair and turned to meet a woman in the room.

-"What are you doing here? ... I ... I was not ..." - Mycroft said confused, suddenly blanched, did not know what was happening. - "What have you done to me?" - Mycroft took the poker from the fireplace and threatened the doctor.

-"Calm down, Mycroft, just calm down!" - She said, trying to reassure him.

-"This cannot be happening" - Mycroft looked around desperately - "Where is he?"- Mycroft shouted at her, Mycroft pointed out threateningly with the poker.

-"Who Mycroft? Speak to me!" – She spoke in a low but _demanding_ _voice._

-"My brother, Sherlock, I was with him." - Mycroft walked until the end of the room, leaning against the wall, held the poker in his hand defensively, his breathing quick, his gaze was lost.

-"He has never been here, Mycroft, please let me prove it to you." - The sound of a door opening and a few seconds later, hospital staff entered the office; the doctor stopped the men with a movement of her hand. Mycroft put the poker in his throat, it difficult to him think and felt his heart beating fast in his chest, she start to approach to him - "in the first drawer of my desk there is a mirror, I just want you to look at it and tell me that you see "- Mycroft slowly walked to the desk, his hands shaking, and finally looked at the mirror, completely lost.

-"My ... what's wrong?" - Mycroft said in confusion, he was not 11, he was not a child, Mycroft dropped the poker and put his hands on his head, felt like he was going to faint, could not understand what was happening.

-"Mycroft, look at me!" - Said the doctor Weber, taking Mycroft's face with his hands. - "Nothing was real, your brother is not here, you see?" - The older brother closed his eyes, looking for the answer but did not was enough, it was not.

-"What ... happens to me?" - Mycroft asked anguished once more.

\- "I do not know yet, but I can only help you if you open yourself completely to me, will you?" - Mycroft nodded, dropped the mirror to the floor and broke into multiple parts, as a metaphor, like if something had been presaged, if there was no possibility of dying, totally subconscious, his mind must escape.

 

 

**_Three weeks earlier._ **

The pain could feel it all over his body, Sherlock woke up confused after spending a full night in the hospital, beside him was John, his tired face looking at him with a faint smile.

-"How do you feel, Sherlock?" - John said worriedly.

-"I do not know, what happened?" - Said Sherlock touching his forehead.

-"You fainted and hit your head hard, remember something?" - Sherlock closed his eyes and took a deep breath. - Mycroft - thought the younger brother, instinctively trying to get out of bed.

-"Where are you going? No, Sherlock, you need to rest" - John said, taking Sherlock's shoulders gently.

-"I cannot be here, John, my brother needs me" - Sherlock said anxiously.

-"Mycroft, he's in a mental institution in Switzerland ..." - John paused, looking at Sherlock's wounded expression, and he finally remembered everything.

-"Yes, you're right" - an eternal silence between them stood for a few minutes, were alone, the detective kept looking at the white roof of the hospital, somewhat indecisive, pressed the sheets with his hands. "John?" - He said with his throat tight, the memory of that night was too strong in his memory yet.

-"Yes, Sherlock" - the younger brother was still looking at the ceiling.

-"Mycroft ... was raped for years by our uncle" - Sherlock said sadly. - "at Sherrinford he was raped for weeks by the two men he murdered" - Sherlock breathed heavily and looking at John - "I cannot imagine, John, the pain that Mycroft feels, I will never be able to understand it and that terrifies me, because I do not know how can I help him"- said Sherlock sentencing.

-"Oh my God!" - Said the doctor Watson, putting his hands to his face, walking across the room and sitting on the edge of the bed, he looked at an anguished Sherlock. - "you remember when I told you that I make my mistakes, I was talking about my sister, Harriet, I refused myself for years to understand that she had a problem, you know the older brothers are almost like our parents, almost perfect in every sense of the word, for years I left her alone with her alcoholism and when I wanted to help her, she do not needed me anymore, it was discussion after discussion, we talking about our differences and we were unable to realize that we needed each other, and until one day I left home, and never come back " - John looked at Sherlock - "My mistake was not understanding her, my mistake was not giving her the love she needed and the only thing I did was criticize her for a long time, my mistake was not to realize that I was not perfect either, that I was a damn ungrateful, I still love my sister, but there is an abyss between us "- John bowed his head -" Maybe it is not the same situation with you, Sherlock, but basically you two must cure your hurts, both of you must leave your differences behind, and the answer you seek is not in logic, it is not in an equation, it is only love, just love "- John took his friend's hand.

 

Love was so abstract and complex for Sherlock, not because he did not feel it, obviously for a long time he had buried his feelings and especially with his own brother, but it was all he could do, John was right, sceptical, Sherlock stood outside of the building, it did not have the appearance of being a mental institute or much less of a psychiatric hospital, with its green pastures and wide gardens, a beautiful grove indicated the entrance to the place, he could see many patients walking around, Sherlock knew that it would be some time before Mycroft went out to walk like the rest of the inmates, his condition had worsened, that's why he was there.

 

-"I was waiting for you, Mr. Holmes, how was your trip?" - Said the woman shaking Sherlock's hand.

-"Too long," - said Sherlock, exhausted. -"I want to see Mycroft first before we speak" - he said in a plaintive voice, and even though Dr. Weber hid it, he could see the Sherlock's face distress.

-"This time, I think it's best if we talk in my office first" - she insisted.

Sherlock and the doctor went up to the third floor of the building, even though it had been three weeks since his hospital incident, he still felt tired, he had not taken any case and only took care of Rosie from the morning until John arrived after work, and had avoided visiting Eurus all this time.

-"How is my brother?" - He said entering the office, anxiety in his voice.

-"Please sit down, Mr. Holmes." - Dr. Weber had Mycroft's file on his desk, and slowly opening it.

-"It has been quite a challenge for me to treat for your brother the last few weeks, Mr. Holmes, Mycroft refuses to receive all kinds of help and treatment" - She said quietly.

-"That is very typical of my brother, believe me" - said Sherlock worried.

-"What is not typical is that in the last ten days his brother has been presenting recurring episodes of hallucinations, I discussed with other colleagues about the Mycroft's case, for a moment we think these were withdrawal symptoms, such as delirium tremens, although had passed a few days it could still be a cause ... "- she paused and reading some papers -" after several exams, we discard that possibility, Mycroft's body is clean of all drugs”

-"What is the cause of the hallucinations?" – Sherlock _asked_ with genuine _concern_.

-"We do not know yet, but because of his brother's history and the years Mycroft's been untreated, we cannot rule out a psychotic depression or schizophrenia, in the worse case, that's why we've called you, does you have any family record of mental ill?" – Deep anguished he brought a hand to his face, _\- Eurus -_ he thought.

-"It's possible, I do not know" - said Sherlock looking to the side, blinking quickly.

-"Another point, besides, I don't rule out that these episodes have been repeated earlier. Do you ever notice any strange attitude in your brother?" - The question was so ambiguous, no doubt the Holmes brothers were not typical humans and normal within a social structure, they were certainly the exception to the rule.

-"If something happened to him I can assure you that he was pretending very well" - said Sherlock frustrated, his voice faded with his thoughts, the detective was unable to answer, and he definitely did not know Mycroft very well.

\- “Mr. Holmes, I do not want you to be frightened by what you will see, and you must understand that many times the human being cannot stand certain situations, in our brain the left hemisphere is who says who we are, our acts and decisions are there, sometimes intense traumas or accidents cause a fracture in our mind, it is a way to protect itself, the brain manifests itself in the strangest ways, creating realities parallel to our existence, I think, this happens to Mycroft, actually, the only way to know this, it is that his brother let me help him "- Sherlock looked into her eyes, sigh deeply.

-"And that's why I'm here" - Sherlock said, and she nodded.

-"In the Mycroft's hallucinations you are present, always his younger brother" the Dr. Weber said sweetly, understanding everything the two brothers had been through.

-"Can I know ... what he says ... in his hallucinations?" - Sherlock said as his chest tightened with each breath.

\- "He still sees you as a little boy, in his mind you are still a child of 4 or 6 years old, I think, so Mycroft says I can understand that in his hallucinations he play with you and he is always looking after you ... and looking for Eurus, she is always lost "- Sherlock suddenly stood up, for a moment he remembered. - ”I know it's hard for you, but if I did not think it is possible that we could help her brother, I would not have called you, in first place, Mr. Holmes" - she said.

-"I'll never leave my brother alone, if that's what you think, Dr. Weber "- Sherlock looked out, patients, nurses and entire families.

-"No, I doubt it, but it is a long road, Mr. Holmes, painful in all possible ways, but it is a world where affection exceeds reason, I have seen it" - said Dr. Weber.

-"Can I see my brother?" - said Sherlock overwhelmed.

-"Before I can see him I must tell you again that his brother is untreated, and, Mr. Holmes, you will be the Mycroft’s guardian, until I finish the psiquiatric assessment, I have the document right here ..." - before she could finish speaking.

-"I need to see him first, I need to talk to him" - Sherlock said seriously.

The place was deeply silent, only be heard steps in the distance that fading behind a door, the younger brother walked down the aisle, the Dr. Weber indicated the place and the detective hurried, this was a wooden door, with a small window at the top.. Sherlock looked in. Mycroft wore a gray uniform. He was sitting on the bed leaning against the wall with his lost gaze. He did not look like the Mycroft he remembered.

-"What's wrong with him?" - Said Sherlock, frightened.

-"Hallucinations can be a nightmare, a real hell, Mr. Holmes, you do not know what you've experienced is real or not, maybe your brother needs electroconvulsive therapy, in the worse case, first we start with the usual treatment, antipsychotic drugs and antidepressants." - She looked into Sherlock's eyes and could see the pain in his eyes. - "Mr. Holmes, you can come in if you like it, we'll give you some privacy, next door there's a red button, if you think that at some point you need our help just press on it" - she said quietly, Sherlock nodded though the rest of her body was frozen in shock.

 

Sherlock slowly opened the door, and approached in silence, took the chair that was in a corner of the room and sat in front of his brother, Mycroft was still with gaze lost in the wall, Sherlock felt that his heart get broken.

 

-"Brother mine..." - he said in an almost inaudible voice, he could barely utter a word, Mycroft closed his eyes, and put a hand to his ear, avoiding wanting to listen.

-"You're not real; you're only on my mind!" - Mycroft said, breathing heavily.

\- "It's me, Sherlock" - the younger brother tried to touch Mycroft's arm but the older brother prevented it by pushing him.

-"Get away from me, get out of my mind!" - Mycroft shouted as he stood and sat in a corner of the room, Sherlock stared at him, confused, not sure what to do.

After a long few minutes of looking at Mycroft almost perplexed as he nervously moved his hands, Sherlock pulled off his coat and scarf, approached Mycroft once again, slowly and without saying anything, Sherlock put the coat on his older brother's back and knelt next to him, Sherlock waited until Mycroft finally looked him in the eye.

-"Nothing makes sense" - said Mycroft, his eyes moist, and Sherlock could see the transparent suffering on him, Sherlock could finally understand that his brother would never more be that powerful man he had ever met.

-"Do you want to know what's real, Mycroft?" - Sherlock asked softly, Mycroft smiled slightly. - "This, this is real." - Sherlock took his brother's hand and start stroking it, the older brother closed his eyes relieved to feel some human contact. - "The part that distinguishes reality from a dream perhaps is not in your mind, it's here" - Sherlock took Mycroft's hand and put it on his heart - "Maybe it's here, this is real" - Sherlock put his hand on Mycroft's heart , he could feel every beat of his weary heart. - "Maybe you and I have been looking in the wrong place all this time, the answer is not in logic or math, Myc, it is here, staying together, if we want to change we cannot do it alone, we must let others help us "- Mycroft looked at him for the first time as if he had finally awakened, Sherlock hugged him tightly once more, tired rest his head on Mycroft's shoulder. –“Help me, Mycroft; help me because I can't do this alone anymore”- For the first time Sherlock was pleading, Mycroft without saying anything he just hugged him, It was all Sherlock needs a hug, a brotherly hug.

 

*************************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for delayed, many test in my college, but in my spare time this entertains me and I'll continue to write, thx for read and much love 4U. :D :P


	11. Did you miss me?

-"What would you like to tell me?" - She paused, looking at the pale man sitting in the front, seven months had passed, the office décor was Prussian style, fine cedar furniture, Monet paintings, just copy obviously, a window with small stained-glass windows that reflect the light on the floor, every the possible colors of the visible spectrum, a shelf full of books of psychology, philosophy and science, Mycroft look over the place, nothing changed, everything was in its place, everything just as clean, as stopped in time, that's how he felt, totally stuck. His gaze suddenly changed - "We're supposed to talk, Mycroft" - She said softly and calmly.

-"I suppose I should not be here" - said Mycroft bewildered, they had never presented themselves properly, and after seven months, Mycroft did not understand how that woman had never called him, Mr. Holmes.

-"Where should you be?" - Mycroft was uncomfortable in every sense of the word.

-"Six feet under" - Mycroft said coolly without looking at her, he never looking into her eyes. Mycroft stood up and walked to the shelf and ran his hands through the books, as if it were his most treasured treasure.

-"You can take whatever you want" - for the first time she saw Mycroft smile.

-"Any self-help book to recommend me?" - Mycroft said mockingly.

-"Better than that ..." - she said quietly, She stood next to Mycroft, take a thin book without appearance of being important - "... this book is a piece of advice" - she offered him the book.

\- "Letters from a Stoic - Seneca" - Mycroft read the title aloud, she nodded, and for the first time he looked into her eyes.

-"You do not fear me" - Mycroft said in a low, menacing voice, after he introduced himself to a group of inmates as a serial killer, just for fun, many quickly turned away, and stopped talking to him, it was the effect he sought, he did not need talk to the rest of the human beings locked up.

-"You do not ever look at me, I think you fear me more" _\- touché! -_ Mycroft thought with a smile - "Do you think of the men you murdered?" - The voice interrupted his thoughts and Mycroft closed his eyes.

-"Did you ever stop to figure that there's all kinds of dying, but only one way of being dead?- Mycroft said coldly.

-"And in their families?" - The Doctor Weber added cunningly.

-“Family?”- He asked ignoring the intention.

-"Yes, the families, Mycroft" - The older brother closed the book abruptly, the sound echoed throughout the room.

-"Why should I think of them in the first place? Besides, why are we talking about this?" - Mycroft said annoyed.

\- "You tell me, Mycroft, you're the smart one here" - She watched him in the distance, each movement, each expression, Mycroft was observed as a virus under the microscope - "Because they also suffer, you robbed them of the possibility that they talked each other, to be forgiven "- Mycroft quickly turned annoying.

\- "NO! What I did was to snatch a greater evil from this society, their brothers and sons were rapists!" - Mycroft said almost screaming and she smiled.

-"Mycroft, a murderer and a suicide person, is a mirror of our society too" - Mycroft tiredly leaned on the bookshelf, and there was an uneasy silence between them - "Mycroft, if you do not speak to me ..." - she said before could finish the sentence.

-"Dr. Weber, if you let me remind you, you told me there was treatment for me but not a cure," Mycroft said sadly confused.

\- "That's why you're still here -

-"Obviously, but not for long, is it?" - Dr. Weber approached Mycroft putting his hand on her shoulder.

-"The problem is not that, Mycroft, have you had any hallucinations?" - The older brother clenched his hands tightly when he heard that question. His pride was still hurt, he was not crazy.

\- "Not, of course, I'm permanently drugged, have you forgotten?" - said Mycroft smugly.

\- "I have your final psychiatric assessment here in my hands, and as a patient you have the right to know my final opinion before you leaving" - Mycroft had allowed to deny himself the knowledge, he practically knew everything, he turned slowly, and the Dr. Weber smiled to see that she had all his attention - "First of all, I must emphasize that you have improved a lot since your entry, Mycroft, you have handled your anxiety and your emotional pain, and you have understood how to deal with that adversity, but on the other hand there is something that still worries me "- she said leaning in her chair, Mycroft began to approach slowly with curiosity.

-"What is it?" - Mycroft said impatiently.

\- "When you told me about your murders, according to you did it as a way to compensate for your pain, well, Mycroft, I do not think so" - The Dr. Weber stood and surrounded her desk and she stared at him before touching his nose with her finger. - "You were looking for an emotional satisfaction, you felt pleasure in killing those men, Mycroft Holmes, you can not fool me, you tried to manipulate me and certainly you have ideas obsessive, in your words denote a lack of sincerity, insensitivity in your interpersonal relationships, you are selfish and you have a lack of empathy for those around you, absence of remorse and shame, you continue to justify your murders, but nothing can justify it, you have a vision of yourself exaggerated but you have always been an insecure person, it was difficult for me to differentiate what you really are ... because you are very clever and you possess a superior intelligence to any other patient who has had" - She sighed and Mycroft felt he was exposed in the depths of his being.- "I think it makes no sense to go on listing the clearest features of your current pathology and I'm afraid you've always had them, everything is written here" - she took the file once more - "I did get a copy for your brother, Sherlock, who by the way, he is still your tutor and another copy to Lady Smallwood, who is your direct superior "- the older brother smiled maliciously and Dr. Weber looked with mistrust at Mycroft -" Mycroft, I have diagnosed you with a psychopathic personality, of course you know it is not a mental illness but it is abnormal, and that is why in this report I have recommended that after you leave here your treatment be intensively supervised, your rehabilitation is just starting. "- Mycroft looked at her with a burlesque smile.

"Anything else?"- Mycroft said annoyed.

\- "Yes, Mycroft, before you return home and your normal life, stay close to those who love you, as your brother, metaphorically speaking, stay close to the light, so that the darkness in you remains asleep, because you and I know, it's like a drug, killing is satisfaction and power, is not it, Mycroft? "- The older brother turns in and before leaving the office.

-"I told Sherlock I would not go back to London." Her blue eyes turned black as night and she felt a slight chill. "What strange expressions you psychiatrists use, psychopathic personality, I do not agree with you, Doctor Weber, I still can become the worst version of myself." - His voice was subtle and low, almost threatening.

 

Mycroft walked down the white corridor, without saying a word, his guardian was a few steps back, they did not leave him alone at any moment, for him it seemed like a bad dream, he felt permanently drugged, devoid of all reality, he sat outside hours watching the trees, but really the older brother was only the shadow of the man who had once been, in the morning sat with other inmates to have breakfast with plastic cutlery, was forced to have sections of group therapy to which only he remained in silence - _the British government himself -_ Mycroft smiled as he remembered these words, leaning back in his room, watching as some inmates walked down the hall, it was Easter, so everyone was preparing something special, the older brother sat down at his small desk, turned on the light, and took a paper, and start to write. Mycroft knew that Dr. Weber had read his soul to perfection, this no doubt annoyed him and only for seconds he imagined himself taking the poker from the fireplace once again and cut off the Doctor Weber's throat of side by side, simple imagination, for years had never passed from a simple fantasy, the fantasy about killing his Uncle Rudy in every imaginable way, spent hours sitting by the fireplace thinking about this and his imagination surpassed the cruelty of every normal human being, and Mycroft knew that the way he killed the three rapists had been his greatest fantasy come true, his darkest passage no one would ever _know - This is what I am -_ thought Mycroft, recognizing himself at last, his passing through that psychiatric institution had not only helped him to control his emotions even more, but to reveal his inner demons.

 

 

 

Sherlock was still in the same hallway 15 minutes ago - "They're just babies, for God's sake! they do not think and they do not know what they eat" - he thought as he looked puzzled at the supermarket gondola, the variety of baby food was extensive, carrot and lamb, mini beef casserole, chicken pasta tomato and mushroom, completely undecided, the younger brother did not know which option to take, it was a complete enigma, the detective exasperated breath and he only take each of the tiny containers and he put on the basket, Sherlock never imagined doing this, but John had to recover hours of attention to his patients, suddenly he stopped at a magazine and newspaper stand kiosk - _A Whithchapel's drug dealer is accused for distributing videos of rapes_ \- Sherlock looked surprised the photo of the cover and quickly recognized the man was his drug provider, and had also had contact with Mycroft, somehow Sherlock was grateful that this man wasn't free walking the London's streets, his brother would return  in two more weeks and he must find a way to convince him to stay.

He climbed the stairs with the bags in her hands, Molly was waiting for him more than two hours ago, but there was no one there. - "Molly!" - shouted worried Sherlock, he searched the rooms and the kitchen, but there was no human signal, it was at that moment that the light throughout the flat was cut, Sherlock could only see thanks to his phone that illuminated the place, the detective heard several steps up the stairs _\- four to 5 men -_ he thought, his heart pounding and quickly took a knife that was on the table, but when he was ready to do it, he heard a familiar voices , even with the knife in his hand Sherlock saw Molly came in the room holding up a cake with small candles on it, John with Rosie in his arms, Mrs. Hudson with Greg, Sherlock's whole body seems to freeze, he had not felt for years such emotion.

-"Happy birthday Sherlock!" - said Molly smiling.

-"Come and put out the candles, Sherlock, what are you standing there for?" - Mrs. Hudson asked. Sherlock took his hands to his mouth, could not remember when it had been his last birthday this way.

-"asks for a wish, it's the tradition, Sherlock" - said John, still surprised Sherlock approached, could not help but smile, his happy moment in a long time.

-"Why ...?" - He said, still stunned.

-"Because you're our friend, Sherlock," Greg said as he hung his coat behind the door.

\- "Sherlock, we do not have gifts but we thought this could be more than a gift for you" - Molly stretched an envelope with a letter inside.

\- "What is it? If it is money I do not need it" -

-"Sherlock, bloody hell, just open it!"- Said John, almost losing his temper, Sherlock opened the envelope and there was something in it, and his expression changed rapidly.

-"Mycroft?" -He said in a low, sad voice.

-"Yes, Sherlock," said Molly.

\- "If you excuse me ..." - Sherlock walked to his room and closed his door, sitting on the bed once more opened the envelope.

 

_Sherlock,_

_I take a few hours to think that I would write for you, but it was not difficult to find the answer in my memories, I have always remembered your birthday because that day changed my life, it was a day when my wishes would be fulfilled, I would not be alone anymore, and despite that our childhood was very different to the two that we wanted, I never forget that moment and the sensation that caused me to have a baby brother. Even if I'm not there physically, always I'll be there for you; I just want to tell you, Happy Birthday, Sherlock._

_p.s.: Smile for me, will you?_

_With love,_

_Mycroft._

The detective read this little note three times, carefully folded it into the pocket of his jacket, memorized it, and after a few minutes he smiled, Mycroft had never forgotten his birthday, there was always an early morning message, a call at the end of the day or an unexpected visit to just tell his baby brother _\- "It's your day, Sherlock, Happy Day" -_ that was all, but it was always enough for Sherlock, and despite those little details the detective always forgot the Mycroft's birthday, for some reason always called him a week before or a few days later, honestly, never mind, the younger brother thought that Mycroft did not care about these things, but he was wrong.

-"Are you all right, Sherlock?" - Molly said worriedly from the door.

-"Yes, I'm going in a moment," said Sherlock quieter.

He adjusted his jacket and walked to the living room, Mrs. Hudson was making tea in the kitchen and Greg helped her, Molly had Rosie in her arms.

-"Sherlock, there's something else we need to tell you" - Sherlock changed his expression- "It's nothing bad, do not worry" - said John as he looked at Molly.

-"We've talked, and we think you're right, Mycroft should stay in London" - Molly said, Sherlock sat down in his chair and crossed his legs.

\- "I do not think I can convince him, he does not want to live in his house, and insists that he wants to go some boring place in the south of France, the countryside as always" - said sad Sherlock.

-"In theory, Mycroft would not have to come back his home" - Greg said.

-"What do you mean?" - Said Sherlock.

-"What we're trying to tell you is that Mycroft can live with you here." - Sherlock looked at him strangely. - "The point is, Sherlock, I've decided to move away to Molly's home, so Mycroft can live with you here in the flat for as long as he need, we understand that you need to be with your rubbish big brother "- said John with a smile.

-"If you ask me, Sherlock, I have no problem with that a serial killer live in my house" - said Mrs. Hudson with a mocking smile, Sherlock finally dropped his body into the chair, _his_ _head_ _tilted_ to one side.

-"Thank you" - Sherlock looked at his friend, at least the detective had them, his family, his friends, Mycroft had no one or at least that would have always believed.

 

He took Rosie in his arms, and Sherlock wondered how Mycroft would behave with her, wondered how much his older brother had changed, and if he would be willing to stay with him, the detective knew it would be a challenge, he once again scrutinized Mycroft's final psychiatric assessment - "Psychopathic Personality and Suicidal Behavior, Final Diagnosis" - Sherlock read aloud, John took the report without saying anything, not only that worries Sherlock. - "It seems that Mycroft is more like Eurus than me, John, I feel that there is a certain kindness and humanity in him, that I can still save, I think" –

 

Mycroft looked at his left hand, he was missing his umbrella, he felt ridiculously helpless without it, he looked at the blue sky with some clouds, it was a spring day in London, in front of him was the black Jaguar, he missed these petty luxuries, got into the car and his only destination in mind was the airport, after an extended meeting in the Cabinet office he just wanted to escape from London, every place, every street was just a bad memory for him, and start to feel the anxiety that drowned him at night.

-"I suppose this is a new short route to the airport" - Mycroft said when he realized the driver was heading north to London.

-"No, Sir, I have orders to take you to 22B Baker Street" - said driver.

-"What? Orders from whom? - No way, I do order you to drive me to the airport" - Mycroft said, annoyingly.

-"Sir, I'm sorry, these are orders from Lady Smallwood" - said the driver.

-“Obviously," - he answered in frustration.

The black car proceeded slowly down the Baker Street, Mycroft loosened his tie a little, his breathing was a bit agitated and his heart pounding and leaping in his chest, he got out of the car, and he knew that Sherlock was watching him from the window. The door was open, on the hanger was the his younger brother's coat, could not help but smile, slowly climbed the stairs, despite that, Mycroft had to stop to catch his breath, Mycroft's heart was not the same as before. 

-"Tired, brother mine?" - Sherlock said looking at him from the top of the stair, his voice was soft but with a worried expression.

-"I'm fine, Sherlock,"- Mycroft said with a soft smile, finally come in his brother's flat, everything was unusually ordered, or it had simply been too long for Mycroft to notice the difference.

\- "You were going to leave without saying goodbye, Mycroft" - said Sherlock seriously and the older brother could discover the tension in his voice.

-"Why am I here, Sherlock? A flight awaits me!" - Mycroft asked, pretending to be surprised, both brothers standing in front of each other.

\- "A flight that will never clear or land" - said Sherlock

-"Sherlock, please, we've already talked about this." - His voice is more like a throaty growl, as if to convey some frustration as well and he puts his hands on his hips with his elbows out to the sides.

-"Not for this, we have not yet spoken" - Sherlock rounded the chair, crossed his arms and continued - "We must do something neither of us have done before" - Mycroft looked confused - "We have never really spoken, brother mine, I need you to just listen to me, this is important for me "- said Sherlock, the older brother frowned and nodded.

He _put_ _his_ _hands_ _to_ _his_ _face_ , he did not know where to start, and he was only thinking about what Molly had said to him. _\- You need to do this, maybe this hurt you, but before continued, both need this -_ after a few seconds of looking at the dining carpet.

-“I borderline hated you, Mycroft, I thought for years, life, as was were growing up, was always a contest for you, you needed to win, no matter what, blaming me for your mistakes, telling on me for any misdemeanor you deemed me guilty of, everything was a competition – I was always the competition, you taunted me, you kept me insecure and stupid boy, humiliated me every time, you resented me and I could never figure out how to please you – Sherlock looked at his brother's pale face.

-"Sherlock, I ..." Mycroft said before he finished, the younger brother approached him, almost feeling his breath on his face.

-“just be quiet, Mycroft, I don’t finish it yet…For years I resented you, for all of it, I was a sensitive child, but you and our parents never understanding of, or open to emotions, for years I blame you for the emotional scars and insecurities you’d successfully cultivated in me, I wanted nothing do with you, I drugged myself because it made me feel good, Mycroft, away from you mentally, away from your control, I borderline hated you and for long time we only spoke occasionally, when family get-togethers required, I couldn’t relax in your company, I couldn’t trust you…the truth is that we were brought up in an emotionally inhibited family, we did not have bad parents, Mycroft, I think, but lacked emotional guidance” – Mycroft was emotionally affected, he could not look at Sherlock –“ and I understand your pain too brother mine, I understand now your overprotective action, your insecure, but I can see you have changed, we can never have that perfect childhood but we can still have a future friendship, I need a my brother, I need a my friend, I need you, Myc, if I told you all this, was not to hurt you, but to overcome our grudges and differences.”-

Mycroft was silent, looking at the fireplace and the amount of books above on it, Sherlock expected some kind of reaction from him.

\- "I know you have something to tell me, I have not been the perfect brother ..." - said Sherlock

-"You're right, Sherlock, in every single thing you said ..." - Mycroft said in a faint, _almost_ _inaudible_ _voice_.

\- "But not when I hit you ..." –

\- "Not, when you pointed the gun at me ..." - said Mycroft, the younger brother finally smiled, this was what Sherlock expected. - "I know, Sherlock, that I will never be your first choice, that you will only see me as your annoying brother, you wish to be far from me and I can understand it, I can live with that, you never respected me, you always looked for the way to make fun of me front your friends, but you are my brother and I always found the way to forgive you for that… after a while our conversations were one discussion after another, I tried many times to talk to you but it was useless, I never understood what you felt ... maybe Sherlock I'm stupid for not understanding your emotions and feelings as you expected, and I'm sorry for all the damage I made to you, I hope you'll forgive me someday "- he said in a _broken_ _voice_ , _his_ _throat_ _tightening_ -" My only relief is that he has a great friend with you, John, and that you will not be alone, Sherlock, I know you do not need me, I'm really proud even if you do not believe it ... you're great man" - Mycroft took his coat and looked at Sherlock -"I must go now, Sherlock, take care, do you want? "- he said in a low voice and before out the door.

-"I forgive you," - said Sherlock distressed, Mycroft stopped, and turned slowly. - "…and…I want you to stay, this can be your home, and maybe it's not ..." -

-"Sherlock, please do not make this harder" - Mycroft said in an anguished voice.

-"What will you do when you get there, write a suicide note and hang yourself from some beam? That’s your plan?" - Sherlock said seriously, - "instead you can stay and help me in my stupid cases, take care of Rosie ..."

\- "Take care of whom?" - said Mycroft surprised.

-"Forget it, will you stay?" - He said with a smile.

\- "One of the two will at some point feel miserable by this decision, Sherlock" -

-"No, Mycroft, if we have any problem, we will speak as the rest of mortals do."-

\- "Okay, just a week, then I'll leave ..." - said Mycroft.

\- "Say it, I want to hear you, say it, Myc, say it, say it, say it..." - Mycroft looked confused.

-"Stop repeat! what? Are you eight years old or what? "- _Mycroft_ was _losing_ _his_ _patience_

\- "Say it, say it, say it ..." - Sherlock said smiling; Mycroft took a deep breath, made a gesture with his hands.

\- "Finel! ... I will stay, brother mine" - happiness, was what the younger brother felt at that moment.

\- "Brother mine? it's been years!" - Sherlock approached Mycroft. - "Promise me that if you feel any need... hurt yourself, call me first"- Sherlock looked at his blue eyes.

\- "Sherlock, I remind you that I am..."-

-"Promise me" - Sherlock said seriously.

-"I promise you" - Sherlock smiled. - "Where are you going?" - Mycroft asked.

\- "I'll get your suitcase ..." - Sherlock under the stairs and Mycroft followed him - "The suitcase is heavy, what do you bring, a corpse?" - Sherlock said mockingly, the older brother rolled his eyes and looked at him seriously but after a few seconds both began to laugh, as if they were accomplices of something - "Did you miss me?" - Sherlock suddenly asked, looking at Mycroft.

-"Always" - Mycroft said, and he could see that perhaps everything would change between them, at last.


	12. Every need a new start

Mycroft dropped his tired body on the elegant sofa, closed his eyes a moment enjoying the permanent silence of the place, The Diogenes Club, it seems that it would have been years for him, this was his favorite place along with his little cottage in Chichester, he looked around of the room and there were still marks on the wall of the last fight with Sherlock, certainly both had changed much since then, and a slight smile was drawn on his face _\- how could I be so stupid? -_ He thought the big brother. It had been a week since his arrival in London and he had yet to tell Lady Smallwood if he would return to work, but he was not in a hurry to make a decision, he enjoyed Sherlock's companionship, the strange cases to be solved and, above all, the long walks from Baker Street to the Diogenes Club every afternoon, without worries or affairs of state, he felt free and loved like never before, the strange sensation that this provoked him often scared him, since he did not have full control of his emotions. Suddenly he looked at the liquor tray, there was a note stuck in a beautiful glass bottle _\- Warning: Poisoned -_ It was logical, Mycroft rolling his eyes and obviously Sherlock had searched the entire place before he arrived, his cigars, his liquor and his sleeping pills were gone, the older brother took a deep breath, and he poured some of the contents into a glass, took the glass to his nose, the brown liquid was completely tasteless, just let the contents pass through his throat _\- Apple juice_ \- he laughed while enjoying it, and put the glass on the table and lay back on the wide sofa a few minutes until his phone rang.

 

**I'm starving. SH**

Mycroft looked at the time, it had only been a little over two hours since he left Baker Street, slowly rejoined the couch, stretched his back painfully, and a little resigned responded his brother's message, in recent days, Mycroft almost always cooked dinner, or just dined at a restaurant near Baker Street, there were no complications between them.

 

**I'm coming. M**

**Not needed, look out the window.SH**

 

Mycroft wrinkled his forehead and walked across the room to the huge window and to his surprise Sherlock waved his hand at him, standing on the front sidewalk waiting for him.

\- "Did you like apple juice?" - said Sherlock seriously.

\- "It was refreshing, thank you, although I would have preferred something stronger" - said Mycroft sarcastically.

\- "We completely forgot your preferences and thanks to John, I was not going to leave you anything" - both standing on the corner of the street looked at each other and smiled, it was an awkward moment, but Mycroft was grateful that his brother was close to him.

\- "Fish and chips?" - Sherlock looked at him with doubt, he knew that Mycroft could avoid those kinds of foods if he could.

\- "Are you sure?" - Mycroft nodded, inevitably always he spoiled his brothers, Eurus had a Stradivarius violin, and Sherlock practically avoided all legal problems thanks to Mycroft.

\- "Follow me, when I was on my way to the Diogenes Club I went through a place you might like" - Both brothers walked by, at that time it was not a busy street, Mycroft did not know what to do with his hands that still trembled, he got both hands to the pockets.

\- "Brother Mine, do you miss anything?" - said Sherlock observing the restless movements of Mycroft, of course his umbrella was not there.

\- "What should I miss?" - Mycroft cleverly avoided with another question, evade, it was the best thing he could do.

 

The phone vibrated twice on the nightstand, Sherlock woke up by the light that illuminated his piece, _\- a message from John -_ the detective thought, but when he was surprised he saw the time, 2:35 am, he could not be his friend, Sherlock did not have many options, so annoying he stretch the arm trying to reach the phone, turn slowly on the bed, read the message, abruptly and confused sat on the bed.

 

**Will your brother's heart put up with see me?.B**

 

Quickly he put on his robe and walked to Mycroft's room, but he was not there, he looked at the end of the corridor, everything remained in silence and darkness, - "Mycroft?" - Sherlock called his brother worried.

\- "Here!" - replied Mycroft. The night, his worst moment, where his mind remained calm, his thoughts of anguish followed him and he was unable to fall asleep, Mycroft had spent more than an hour sitting by the window watching the few passers-by who were walking by Baker Street, they could not see him, the darkness of the night was something that since childhood he had liked, Mycroft felt invisible and untouchable.

\- "What happens Sherlock?, It seems you had seen a ghost" - Mycroft said mocking, Sherlock was worried, it was the second strange message in two weeks, since Mycroft had arrived, but this was not a coincidence, it could not be, this it was more than a simple game and Sherlock knew it.

\- "Brother mine, cannot you sleep?" - Sherlock asked, pretending something normality in his words.

\- "No, and obviously not you either" - Mycroft looked at him and could sense that something was happening.

\- "The truth is that I hear you walk on, I'll make tea, will you?" - Sherlock averted his eyes subtly.

\- "I'd love it" - Mycroft sat at the table, while Sherlock pulled some cups off the shelf.

\- "How do you feel?" - Sherlock realized that Mycroft did not have the cell phone with him.

\- "I'm fine, I just cannot sleep" - Sherlock leaned on the table and looked at his brother.

\- "It's a process, Mycroft, Dr. Weber mentioned that this could happen" - Mycroft nodded his head not very convinced - "I'll go to the bathroom and go back" - the detective come in the room and subtly put the Mycroft's phone in his pocket, it was not difficult, the password was still Sherlock’s birthday date, there was nothing there, just calls from Lady Smallwood, John, his father and he. The detective worried even more, "they" just played with him, - B, who are you? - Sherlock thought.

The final problem, it had always been a play on words; Sherlock never thought that the final purpose of that game was to eliminate John and Mycroft. For Moriarty, Mycroft had been an obstacle in all its purposes by revenge or pleasure, Mycroft had to die, for Eurus, John was like Victor Trevor, a threat to the love and affection of brothers.

 

**Can I play with your brother's heart? B.**

 

It was the first message, all from different phone numbers. Mycroft had only been on Baker Street three days, but Sherlock naively ignored it.

\- "Something is wrong?" - said Mycroft worried, seeing that Sherlock was lost looking at the contents in his cup of tea.

\- "It's 3:15 am, brother dear, I'm just tired" - his voice was low, he would have liked to say him, but he could not, Sherlock felt that Mycroft was still too vulnerable and emotionally unstable.

\- "I have made a decision, I will return to the cabinet office next Monday" - said Mycroft with a smile.

\- "What? You what?" - said Sherlock surprised.

\- "What you heard, little brother, I go back to work" - Mycroft supported his arms at the table with a smile.

\- "You cannot, not now!" - said Sherlock with authority, he could not allow Mycroft to come back after these messages.

\- "Look, Sherlock, you cannot keep me locked up here, I promise you I will not kill anyone" - said Mycroft laughing. _\- If only that was the problem_ \- Sherlock thought. He had no reason to keep his brother

\- "I think you should only work a few hours, I think Lady Smallwood will agree, remember that inside your chest you have a heart after all, that you should not overload with work, stress, dear brother, we do not want you got another heart attack "- Sherlock smiled to see that he had a point in favor.

\- "Well I could not stand it, if it were like that, but we'll see, I'll take care of Sherrinford a few days a week" - he said stubbornly. Sherlock sighed heavily, he could not deny that his brother's companionship in his flat these last week had been strangely nice, Mycroft had changed a lot, but he was still Mycroft after all, stubborn, always had the last word, and he did not bother in showing his knowledge in almost everything.

\- "When will you tell Dr. Watson that you love him, brother mine?" - Sherlock spat some of the tea he had in his mouth and started coughing uncontrollably at the surprising question; Mycroft began to laugh out loud.

\- "What the hell!, what kind of question is that Mycroft?" - said Sherlock trying to clean the table and avoiding showing his shame in the process.

\- "Come on, Sherlock, I'll invite him to dinner if you do not do it" - Sherlock looked at him with his big blue eyes.

\- "We are friends, he is not ... you can invite him to dinner if you want, but, maybe the answer wil be: No, Mycroft, because he hates you" - Sherlock said without thinking, and after a few seconds he closed his eyes.

\- "I know" - said Mycroft in a low voice and hurt by the truth - "Just joking."

\- "Sorry, Mycroft ... John does not hate you, just ... you know I have ..."

\- "That compulsive way of telling the truth, do not worry I have not forgotten, I think I deserve it after I kidnap him all the time." - He paused - "I think it's time to go back to bed" - Mycroft said abruptly, he stands up and began to wash the cup.

\- "Mycroft?" -

\- "Yes, Sherlock" -

\- "When you told me that agents like Mary, give them permanent retirement, you warned me, do not you? Did you know Mary was going to die?" - Mycroft put the cup on the dishwasher, dried his hands and turn to face to Sherlock. - "I want the truth Mycroft" -

\- "No more secrets, no more lies, Sherlock" - Mycroft sighed heavily.

\- "No more lies, no more secrets" - Sherlock repeated, looking at his brother, although he knew it was not like that.

-"Well, Mary, she worked for me for a few years, as you know, when she shot you I cannot deny that the idea of eliminating her passed through my mind, you know, but it was also my responsibility, I put her in the John's way and as a consequence on your way too, I agreed to listen to her one more time, it was at our parents' house at Christmas that we both made a new vow "-

\- "What was that vow?" -

\- "That she would give her life to protect you and that I would give my life to protect John, no matter the consequences, not only you have a vow, as you will see, Sherlock, if that answers your question, Yes, I knew that Mary would die protecting you, her death was not your fault, it never was "- Sherlock stood up surprised.

\- "And now you tell me? - Mycroft saw me drugged for months ..." -

\- "Sherlock, people die ..." –

\- "I do not care what people do, Mycroft, I care what my family does, you should know ..." - Sherlock paused trying to control his anger and disappointment - "In a few more hours comes, John with Rose, he deserves to know this, Mycroft, is there anything else I should know?" - The older brother ducked his head.

\- "I guess many things, but everything in its time" - said Mycroft seriously and Sherlock looked away, somehow the older brother was convinced that if he shared with Sherlock his darker side maybe this would disappear from his life, but Mycroft knew that it was not the time yet.

\- "I also imagine that you will not tell the truth to our parents" - Sherlock stood without looking at Mycroft.

\- "No more lies, no more secrets, remember?" - Mycroft knew that sooner or later he had to face his parents once more.

\- "Good night, Mycroft" - said Sherlock as he disappeared into the hallway.

\- "Good night, my brother" - said Mycroft with a soft voice.

 

_Late, In the morning._

 

Mycroft was sitting on Sherlock's couch, in his hands holding the newspaper feigning interest in what he was reading, avoiding another confrontation with his little brother, a door closing and Sherlock stood up from his chair.

\- "Mycroft, your niece is coming!" - joked Sherlock.

\- "What?" - asked Mycroft lowering the newspaper abruptly.

Sherlock smiled at seeing John and Rosie, without thinking the consultant detective took Rosie in his arms, and Mycroft stood up nervously.

\- "Mycroft !, have passed months" - John said smiling.

\- "Dr. Watson, it's a pleasure to see you!" - Said Mycroft and offered his hand.

\- "Come on, Mycroft, you can call me John, you know, by the way, I'm glad you're here taking care of your baby brother, so you do not have to use all the machinery of the government to spy on him" - said John sincerely.

\- "John, be nice" - Sherlock exclaimed with a warning look - "Rosie, this is your uncle Myc, Mycroft this is your niece, Rosamund Watson" - Sherlock looked at him impatiently, Mycroft stood without moving.

\- "uncle? Why uncle?...we do not have a consanguineous relationship…" - said Mycroft confused.

\- "For God sake, Myke!" - said Sherlock losing patience.

\- "Rosie, my apologize for him, your uncle is certainly a slow for certain things, eventually you'll get used to it" - John looked impatient and Mycroft did not react. - "Ok, I see you need help, first, the babies do not bite, Mycroft" - John said mocking and approached Rosie; the older brother looked at Sherlock who had a slight burlesque smile on his face.

 

The older brother sat with Rosie in his arms, still a little hesitant and nervous, took one of Rosie's toys and showed it to the little girl, but she took his hand, that little physical contact made her body shudder with emotion, his memories of his childhood flowed in his mind, memories of Eurus and Sherlock, both friends stood looking surprised as Mycroft smiled with tenderness, they never expected that the older brother would react in that way so soon.

 

\- "John, you owe me 15 pounds" - said Sherlock with a smug look.

\- "No way!, Sherlock, I bet you 30 minutes and you 45 minutes" - said John indignant, - "I am closer to the time" - both friends had bet.

\- "What bet?" - said Mycroft confused.

\- "The other day your baby brother sent me a message and I will read it for you, you need to know this, Mycroft, the message says:" How long do you think Rosie will melt my big brother's cold heart? "- Mycroft looked at the ceiling and sigh - "after everything that happened in Sherrinford I certainly thought in 30 minutes and Sherlock more optimist said 45 minutes" - Mycroft shot a sharp look at Sherlock

\- "I always trusted on my big brother" - Sherlock said mockingly.

\- "Of course, how could I still be surprised? - I should expect this kind of thing from you two "- said Mycroft losing his patience, Rose took the pencil that Mycroft had in his jacket in his inner pocket and the older just smiled.

\- "Sherlock, your phone ..." - John said when he saw that Sherlock's phone vibrated, the younger brother as a precaution had removed the sound in case another strange message arrived.

Sherlock took his cell phone and walked to his room, John sat facing Mycroft.

\- "How do you feel? ... I mean your heart" - said John

\- "Given the circumstances, I think it could be worse" -Mycroft stared at the doctor- "I'm sorry, John ... I never wanted ..." -

\- "I know, Mycroft, you did it to protect Sherlock ..."

\- "Not only him ..." - said Mycroft

\- "Greg call us, there is a homicide in a hotel, are you coming?" - said Sherlock interrupting the conversation.

\- "No, I think it was time I'll stay with Rosie" - John said.

\- "Brother mine, you come with me" - Sherlock took the Mycroft's umbrella with both hands - "I think this belongs to you" - Sherlock said sighing, and Mycroft closed his eyes, it did not take long to deduce how Sherlock had found the umbrella, in first place never thought to recover the murder weapon, the consultant detective threw the umbrella to his older brother, Mycroft slowly drew the sword and his blue eyes and deep reflected in it - "It is completely clean, no traces of blood "- said Sherlock interrupting the strange moment. - "John, you'll be alone a few hours, Mrs. Hudson come back tonight after a long holiday in Scotland, I assure you that she is anxious to see Mycroft" - said Sherlock sarcastically, Mycroft smiled bitterly as he recalled his unfortunate encounters with Mrs. Hudson.

\- "I cannot wait to see that sweet meet" - said John mocking and Mycroft rolled his eyes, and started down the stairs, both friends looked at each other smiling, when it came to annoying Mycroft, they were still accomplices.

 

Mycroft, got out of the cab, leaned on his umbrella, no longer feeling helpless and a strange security returned to him, it was a hot day, like few in London, the older brother dressed casually, blue jeans pants, brown shoes, a blue striped shirt and a suede jacket, both walked through the old hall that seemed to fall apart, it was an old three-story hotel between White's Row and Tenter Ground, abandoned 10 years ago and now the place was full of yonkies and prostitutes from East End . The smell of damp was penetrating, Mycroft made a notable gesture of discomfort while Sherlock smiled at the sight of his older brother was with him, never really imagined, both solving cases, the detective knew that Mycroft made his best effort to support him.

 

\- "Sherlock! I thought you would not come" - Greg said enthusiastically. As a shadow Mycroft stood just behind Lestrade.

\- "I did not come alone" - Sherlock added with a smile, and Greg could feel a chill running down his back, even after months he still had nightmares at night, the images of Mycroft's last murder did not go out of his head.

\- "LI Lestrade, it's a pleasure to see you" - said Mycroft in a low and disturbing voice, hurriedly Greg turned to greet him. The older brother could not help but smile, he could feel Greg's fear for miles, and nervously Lestrade moved his hands without being able to respond to Mycroft's cordial greeting.

\- "Well, what do you have for us?" - said Sherlock uneasily.

\- "A homicide, a woman about 36 years old, is in one of the rooms ..." - said Lestrade as they walked through the corridors.

\- "We still have an invitation pending ..." - Mycroft said softly, Greg looked at Sherlock indecisively, who subtly turned his gaze away. - "If there's no too much trouble it could be tomorrow after work" - The sudden attitude baffled Lestrade who swallowed to clear his throat.

\- "Sure ... it's fine with me" - he answered quickly.

\- "Well ... let's continue" - said Sherlock, giving Lestrade a pat on the shoulder.

 

In the small room there was a window that let in a faint light in the darkness and despite the years kept the wardrobe intact in one of the corners of the room, the walls were scratched and the red paint came off because of damp, the place was much more gloomy than Mycroft had thought, and it was ideal for any deranged psychopath to carry out his killing without any disturbance.

 

\- "Sherlock, a Caucasian woman of about 36 years, we believe that her time of death was between 3:00 am and 5:00 am, we presume she is a prostitute" - said Lestrade. The consulting detective looked at the crime scene without interest, it was a homicide like any other, the only prospect of Sherlock was to study the behavior of Mycroft, he and Lady Smallwood had agreed that this would be a rehabilitation process, Sherlock looked at his older brother who was leaning against the arch of the door without entering yet, but his gaze was not away from the body of the woman.

\- "Brother mine, you could do me the honor" - said Sherlock while passing him some latex gloves, Mycroft approached timidly, while he put the gloves and walk around the body of the woman who lay face down inert. - "Greg, you'll be surprised with this, and if we're lucky, this crime will be resolved within the next 30 minutes" - said Sherlock with a proud look, Mycroft had always been better at deductions than Sherlock, Greg looked at him curiously afterwards of that confident statement.

Mycroft squatted as close as possible to the body of the woman, there was a huge pool of blood under the body, his hands had not been tied, his eyes were not yet a permanent white, a quality that all the deceased have after a few hours, those black eyes looked at Mycroft penetratingly, the older brother felt his heart speed up, the memories of his murders were still tangible, he struggled to stand up.

\- "Are you okay, Mycroft?" - said Sherlock wrinkling his forehead. Mycroft nodded, did not want to lose any detail, took a deep breath, and crouched down next to the victim again. Sherlock watched him closely and could see in Mycroft's chest that his breathing was increasing.

Her hands blackened by blood had deep self-defensive cuts, - You fought hard, but it was not enough- thought Mycroft, with a pencil subtly lifting the torn coat that covered her head, this was something unusual. - "Was she raped?" - said Mycroft looking at Greg.

\- "Maybe, yes, it is not possible to know without an autopsy" - Greg answered firmly.

\- "What's wrong, Mycroft?" - said Sherlock curiously.

\- "The murderer took the time to tear off the coat with a knife to cover the woman's head; he did not want her to look at him ..."

\- "Of course, he felt ashamed of what he was doing ..."

\- "That's right ..." -Mycroft again with the pencil raised the hair of the woman that covered her neck - cut her throat, as usual - thought Mycroft, but it was then that he noticed that in addition to the short under her ear, she also had visible bruises of an attempt strangling, Mycroft gently turned the woman's neck and could see a strange bulge under her chest, the older brother took one of the shoulders began to turn it, and it was then that part of the woman's abdominal cavity came off to the floor like a cascade of coagulated blood, Sherlock was stunned by the gruesome scene.

\- "For God's sake ..." - moaned Lestrade with disgust.

 

For the older brother there was something familiar in all this, the smell of blood penetrating his lungs without even bothering him and continuing without the least feeling of amazement, Sherlock watched Mycroft surprised and almost with admiration. The elder brother observed that the killer had tried to roll up the intestines of the victim in her neck, it was macabre by the way - you only try, but you fail every time - Mycroft thought, he approached to look at one of her arms, and touched her skin, there was sweat, but she did not present rigor mortis - Heroin, was it possible? - Mycroft looked confused at the inert body.

 

\- "Talk to me Mycroft" - said in a voice of alarm Sherlock, Mycroft looked at him confused.

\- "mmmh !, I'm sorry" - he said quickly - "The killer is an inexperienced, he is experimenting, has not perfected his technique" - Mycroft once lifted the woman's hair - "The murderer tried to strangle her, but he could not, there you need have a lot of strength to consider that option, I speak from my own experience ... "- Both friends looked at each other disturbed with the sincere Mycroft's declaration.  -" ... so I think that the murderer must be over 45 years old, since the killer could not do it, instead he slit her throat, he is not methodical, much less intelligent and he is obsessed with Jack de Ripper "- Mycroft said sighing.

\- "With whom?" - Confused Greg said putting his hand to his face.

\- "Of course, brilliant" - said Sherlock in wonder.

\- "Can anyone tell me, what the hell is going on?" - Greg said annoyed. Mycroft looked at the ceiling and again turned the woman's body.

\- "The man is a copycat killer, he tried to put the intestines around the neck of the victim, the cuts are inaccurate, you can see that he tried to access the rib cage trying to rip the heart but in his eagerness only got to destroy the organ, he has no knowledge of anatomy "- sentenced Mycroft and continued.-" LI Lestrade, the first thing that must think is: Where are we?”- Mycroft looked at him with a raised eyebrow, as if everything was evident.

\- "White's row, why?" - Greg was still confused.

\- "Here was the last murder of Jack of Ripper, and the killer tries to imitate the first murder, Polly Nichols" - Mycroft nodded, Sherlock looked at him with a smile, totally fascinated.

\- "And that's not all" - said Mycroft as he stood leaning on his umbrella.

\- "What happen?" - said Lestrade worried.

\- "Who called to the police station warn about the body?" - Asked Mycroft with a sarcastic smile, he knew the answer, Lestrade looked in his notebook - "You do not need to look, was it an anonymous call?" - Lestrade nodded with surprise.

\- "Mycroft ends with the suspense and tell us how you came to the conclusion" - Mycroft crouched down next to the woman.

\- "The corpse still does not present rigor mortis, and you calculated that he died between 3 a.m. and 5 a.m., so something strange happens, the corpse is too cold, abnormal thing, has an unusual perspiration, in his arm has two needle holes" –

\- "And?" - said Lestrade.

\- "You have been deceived, the heroin overdose produces a depression in the nervous system, causing a severe hypotension, accelerating the cooling of the body when it dies ... so" - said Mycroft

\- "It has not been more than 4 hours of death as we thought" - said Lestrade, Mycroft looked worried at Sherlock.

\- "Precisely, the killer must see his opus while there is public in it, it is more exciting" - concluded Mycroft breathing barely - "Sherlock, be careful please" - he warned.

\- "Obviously, he made the call" - Sherlock saw the surprised face of Lestrade - "The killer is still here, Are you surprised now? I told you, Greg" - and almost unable to move.

\- "The rooftop, it's always the rooftop, Sherlock, remember?" - said Mycroft interrupting the thoughts of both men.

 

Greg took out his gun and Sherlock was following him closely, they was only two floor from the rooftop, the cops started checking every room in the hotel, but Sherlock almost desperate started up the old wooden stairs that creaked at each step he took. Lestrade got in front of Sherlock, when they reached the top floor there was a dark corridor that separated them from the final door that would take them to the rooftop, both men walked as silently as possible, they could only hear their own agitated breathing, they knew that the killer was dangerous, before opening the door both friends looked at each other. Greg nodded and Sherlock kicked the door.

 

Side by side they looked at each other surprised that there was nobody there, Sherlock turned around to the hallway but that was when he heard a scream coming from above, from the roof of the rooftop entrance, Greg only saw a shadow hidden in the reflection of the sun and both friends fell to the ground, the gun was fired by the air and both were stunned on the floor, Sherlock tried to get up quickly but was useless, the killer kicked him in the head leaving him almost unconscious, and Greg stretched his arm as much as possible tried to reach the gun but it was in vain, the killer sadistically stepped on his hand.

 

\- "Sherlock Holmes, it's quite an honor ..." - he said coldly.

\- "You are dead, my agents will enter and you ..." - exclaimed anguished Lestrade.

\- "Shhhh! No, we'll all die today" - The assassin interrupted while pointing at Sherlock with Greg's gun on his head, panting Sherlock tried to look at him, but a shadow came out from the darkness and a strong reflection of a light came to his eyes.

The killer immediately released the knife and the weapon of Lestrade that he had in his hands, almost without being able to speak and immobile he looked at Sherlock with eyes of deep fear.

\- "Mycroft, calm down!" - said Lestrade while the older brother surrounded with his sword the white neck of the killer, the brilliant reflection of the sword still blinded the eyes of Sherlock.

\- "You are nothing but a pathetic man" - he said softly in the killer's ear, almost fascinated by repeating the moment.

\- "Mycroft, drop the sword ..." - said Lestrade exhausted while Sherlock tried to stand up, but Mycroft could not hear anything but his own voice.

\- "We need a confession, LI Lestrade, is not it?" - Mycroft with his left arm hugged the man's stomach and knew that only a weak movement of his right hand and everything would end. - "I could end your life, I'm sure the family of the young woman would appreciate it" - and Mycroft's eyes darkened completely, he looked at the throbbing neck of the killer, and slowly began to bury the edge of the sword in the neck, a slight moan came from the man's mouth and Mycroft smiled fascinate.

\- "Sherlock?" - said scared Lestrade. The younger brother watched as blood began to run down the killer's neck.

\- "Mycroft, please stop!" - Sherlock beg in anguish. Mycroft closed his eyes and without thinking, he pushed the man's body to the floor and with his handkerchief cleaned almost like a ritual the little bloodstains on the sword. - "What the hell is wrong with you, Mycroft?" - The older brother looked at him confused as Greg handcuff the man.

\- "There are impulses that are difficult to control, Sherlock, Dr. Weber told you" - said Mycroft indifferently, Sherlock pushed Mycroft against the wall and with both hands took him.

\- "Do you think this is some kind of game for you?" - said Sherlock annoyed.

\- "Will you hit me again, Sherlock?" - the consultant detective released the lapel of Mycroft's jacket - "You defend the killer now, dear brother, and do not think about that woman's family" - said Mycroft facing his brother , facing each other, I could almost feel his breath.

\- "Should I think of them the same way you thought of the family of men you killed?" - said Sherlock disappointed.

\- "Sherlock?!" - Greg said trying to contain his friend, but instantly Mycroft under his gaze unable to look into the eyes of his younger brother, soon more cops came to the place, and Mycroft looked at his sword once more, picked up the umbrella and left the place without being seen, like a ghost.

 

Without a clear destination and without talking to anyone, Mycroft started down the stairs of the old hotel as fast as he could, he needed to leave the dark place, he felt suffocated, and confused feelings seized him once again, he had walked Just 6 blocks away when he started to vomit, the pain in his chest did not let him breathe, Mycroft reached into his pocket looking for the bottle of pills, a pill under his tongue was all he needed. After an hour's walk without stopping, he sat on a bench on the banks of the River Thames very close to Westminster Bridge, tilted his head back, still panting from the effort, left his umbrella next to him and took his hand to his chest, he could feel his heart still beating, he took out his mobile phone _-17 missed calls and messages from Sherlock -_ he was exhausted and hurt by the words of his baby brother, Mycroft did not think about it and just turned off the phone, he did not want any more arguments , not now.

 

\- "He turns off the phone, he's a drama queen, like you" - John said as he left his phone on the table.

\- "John?, please" - Sherlock put his hands to his mouth - "I said to Mycroft...something ..." -

\- "Unpleasant ..." - Sherlock nodded sadly - "How if he did not know you!" -

\- "John?, again" - said Sherlock frustrated.

\- "Sherlock, your brother will come back, I can assure you" - said Mrs. Hudson.

\- "How are you so sure?" - said Sherlock.

\- "Because the worst defect of Mycroft is that it is indulgent, it has always been with you"

\- "Wait a few hours Mycroft will come back" - said Molly trying to reassure Sherlock.

\- "I received some messages ..." - said worried Sherlock while looking at his phone, John immediately took his friend's cell phone, read the three messages that were on it and then showed it to Molly.

\- "Does Mycroft know about this?" - said John scared.

\- "I cannot tell to my brother, John, Mycroft still is emotionally unstable..." - Sherlock paused looking at the street - "For a moment I thought he would kill that man, it was as if Mycroft was someone else" - he said sadly.

\- "I think it's better that you two go to the countryside for a few days, I do not think it was a good idea to bring back Mycroft to London after all" - said Mrs. Hudson.

\- "It's not the way your relationship with your brother should grow, with lies, Sherlock" - Molly was always right.

\-- "I said I cannot tell him, and I will not tell him, please let me handle this to my way, I will not let anyone hurt Mycroft, not on my watch" - said Sherlock annoyed, he knew he was wrong, but I just wanted to protect Mycroft.

\- "Sherlock, I think Mrs. Hudson is right, you two have been through a lot, and Mycroft is still going through a post traumatic period, it will take time." - Sherlock nodded, after all it did not seem so bad idea, get away from London for a few weeks, I knew that Mycroft preferred the countryside to the city; no more noise any more people.

 

It had already begun to get dark and Sherlock's concern had increased, he had asked Lady Smallwood's help to find him, but despite the cameras and policemen on the streets it was like looking for a needle in a haystack in London, sitting on his couch felt stupid and useless, Sherlock took the coat from the hanger and his blue scarf, and walk aimlessly to look for Mycroft, people began to disappear from the streets and could feel in the air that it would soon rain, the detective try once again call to Mycroft but the phone was still off. Suddenly he remembered that a suicide person always returns to the farewell scene, the same way as Sherlock returned to alley to drug him, it was then that he received another message.

 

**Oh my..Mycroft and the Bridge, oh my…Mycroft and his heart. B.**

 

Sherlock, desperate made stop a cab, feared the worst, his older brother was being watched and desperate walked around the Westminster Abbey, without finding Mycroft, the detective tired stopped to look at the deep waters of the Thames, _\- Please, don’t do this to me again, Mycroft -_ thought Sherlock, did not want to go through the same thing again, closed his eyes and took a deep breath when he looked at the side of the street, he saw his brother sitting at the end, a smile was drawn on Sherlock's face, Mycroft was sitting on the bench supporting his body on his knees, the younger brother approached slowly and placed himself in front of him.

 

\- "Are you nostalgic, brother mine?" - but there was no response, Sherlock worried, he crouched down next to Mycroft, he holding the bottle of nitroglycerin in one of his hands. - "How do you feel?" - asked Sherlock while taking the bottle with pills, he knew that Mycroft after the heart attack was suffered episodes of angina.

\- "Just tired" - said the older brother.

\- "You're shivering cold" - Sherlock quickly took off his coat and put it on his back. - "Come on I'll take you home, we should leave here" - he said worried, the detective knew they were being observed.

\- "Sorry, Sherlock, I should not ..." -

\- "I know" - he said sighing deeply - "I should not have said what I said ... you had me worried, please, don't turn off the phone never again" - he said sweetly. Sherlock's confession was so unusual for Mycroft.

Both brothers started to walk without speaking, Mycroft breathed heavily, and suddenly made a gesture of pain on his face, Sherlock hold him into his arms - "No, I don't think so, you're not fine, brother, and I’ll take you to a hospital" - his voice was anguished.

\- "No" - said Mycroft trying to regain his breath.

\- "Mycroft, you cannot even walk ..." -the concern on Sherlock's face was evident, but even so Mycroft refused. - "If you had agreed to put the damn VAD in your heart as recommended by your doctor, you would be fine now, you're stupid" - Sherlock said annoyed.

\- "Sherlock ... enough" - said Mycroft put his hand to his chest, and the face of Sherlock paled, he held him once more and took him to the bench where they had both sat a few moments before, Sherlock took out of his pocket the nitroglycerin, his hands trembled, took a pill and nervously passed it to Mycroft who was breathing agitatedly. Sherlock was worried about Mycroft, he knew that his older brother's health only worsened and the strange messages on his mobile phone, all messages were about the "heart", the younger brother did not know if it was figurative or literally, but clearly it was threats. Inevitably he would have to make a decision as soon as possible and turn for help to Greg or Lady Smallwood, everything hidden; Mycroft could not know what was happening. _\- No more lies, no more secrets -_ It was a promise will be postponed.

\- "John, I need you to come looking for us, we are near to Abingdon St….yes, Victoria Tower Gardens ... maybe we have to take him to the hospital" - Mycroft looked at his brother who was pacing nervously from one place to another. Sherlock sat next to his brother - "Myc, tell me what I should do" -

\- "Sherlock, stop worrying, the pain is disappearing, I'll be fine" –

\- "Obviously you're not well, I think we should consider the VAD option ..." - insisted Sherlock.

\- "We have already talked about this before, dear brother, and you must accept the nature of life, you and I will bury our parents, I will die before you and possibly Eurus will bury you, I do not understand why you still worry about that "- Sherlock surprised him with the normal way Mycroft talked about death, no doubt the younger brother was afraid, he did not want to lose anyone else in his life, and he seemed to understand more and more that he was not ready to see Mycroft die.

\- "Clearly you will not bury our parents, first we bury you”- Sherlock something desperate –“Why not take an option when it is available and is the best for you?" - insisted Sherlock who seemed not to listen to Mycroft.

\- "My life, my heart, Sherlock, can you understand it? It's my desire and my decision ..." - sentenced Mycroft, without being able to finish the sentence, he was too tired and could not deal once more with the obsessions of his baby brother on certain topics. Sherlock leaned on the railing, with his hands was caress the cold metal, Mycroft observed him without saying anything, you could only hear the water hitting the jetty and Sherlock wanted to break once and for all what he keep for years without understanding, pure feelings and repressed thoughts.

\- "Mycroft, I know we are not familiar with the concept, and we have heard nothing about it ... but…" - Sherlock turned to look at his brother - "can we try to be a damn family like any other?" - Mycroft understood what he was referring, slowly he put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a USB stick, the detective looked at him curiously.

\- "A family ... I've tried, Sherlock, I never found the way so, I never wanted you to go through that" - he said regretting, Mycroft stood and placed himself next to his brother.

\- "What is that?" - said Sherlock.

\- "Here are the 2 videos ... where ..." - Mycroft sighed deeply - "Rape, Sherlock" - Sherlock hugged his brother.

\- "It's time to leave the past behind, dear brother" - said Sherlock with a tender smile. Mycroft looked at him and only threw the USB into the River Thames; it was only a few seconds, and all his past had vanished in dark and deep waters. - "There comes John, can you walk?" - Mycroft just winked at him. - "If you need help you can lean on me" - the older brother just smiled and without thinking he hugged him, Sherlock grabbed the Mycroft's waist and both began to walk slowly to John's car.

Once in the dark of the night he woke up agitatedly, another nightmare and could feel his heart beating trying to escape through his mouth, what he had done tormented him, memories that he wanted to forget or that he simply drowned him with a bottle of Whiskey and sleeping pills, Mycroft no doubt missed those moments, where he was completely unconscious.

\- "How do you feel?" - a familiar voice said in the midst of darkness - "Here you have water" - Sherlock had spent the last three hours look after him, no doubt this surprised Mycroft.

\- "I'm fine" - said Mycroft somewhat confused.

\- "You always say it, dear brother, but you never was" - said Sherlock sighing.

-"do you have not slept?"-

\- "John is with Rosie sleeping in my room, he stayed in case you needed attention" - Sherlock began to cough and Mycroft instinctively touched his forehead.

\- "You are burning and shaking, Sherlock, you have a fever" - Mycroft stood up.

\- "What are you doing?" Sherlock said barely, while Mycroft opened one of the drawers.

\- "Here you have a pajamas, I need you to lie down on bed, I'll go to the kitchen to prepare something to make you feel better" - ordered Mycroft, the younger brother tried to object but it was a lost battle, when he take care of Sherlock, Mycroft never refused.

"Chamomile tea with honey?" - Mycroft turned surprised. - "There are things that I have not forgotten, Myke" - It was the only thing that Sherlock drank when he was sick, mummy Holmes, in his desperation many times he turned to Mycroft to take care of Sherlock, but that had been years, Sherlock did not always remember the good things that Mycroft had done for him in his childhood, much of Mycroft had forgotten and buried along with Eurus.

\- "I forgot to mention to you that we do not have anything ..." - Sherlock made a gesture of pleasure when drinking Mycroft's tea, the aroma and flavor was like a transport to the past - "I thought it would be good to spend a few days in the countryside, What do you think, Myke? "-

\- "on my cottage or in our parents' house?" - asked Mycroft.

\- "It can be in Chichester and then a few days with our parents, although I know it will not be easy" - Mycroft remained silent without answering.

\- "Sleep, you're exhausted ..." - Sherlock curled his face in the pillow and fell asleep quickly, his heavy breathing caught the attention of Mycroft, who looked at him worried, stretched his hand and tenderly began to caress the head of his younger brother , even for him everything was strange, this new connection with Sherlock, all the lost years, the struggle in his emotions where Mycroft tried to separate instinctively from his feelings, even now, as in this moment where in the silence of the night his emotions slip through, he had never felt so at peace with himself, he closed his eyes and while he could still feel the soft hair of Sherlock between his fingers he let himself be carried away by the fatigue and the calm beat of his heart.

 

_Three day after._

It had been a few hours, and both men walked together, side by side under the umbrella, as it rarely served its purpose to protect Mycroft from the rain, Greg looked at Mycroft smiling, for him, the older brother was an enigma, and Lestrade, the evening seemed more pleasant than he thought, the fine restaurant, the company and above all the conversation, the man next to him was nothing what he had imagined.

\- "A beer?" - The question surprised Mycroft.

\- "You know I can not drink, Gregory" - Mycroft smiled at the question, he knew that Lestrade was still nervous. - "But you know ... I can accompany you" - The two entered a pub on North Street, Mycroft did not frequent these places since he was in college. - "Well, I've only talked about myself tonight and you had to listen to my constant apologies for the incident the other day, what about you?" - Lestrade knew where the question would end, he looks into the dark contents of the glass- "By the way you can tell me, Mycroft, if you like" - Greg smiled and nodded.

\- "What about me?" - Greg repeated the question and sighed deeply. - "Actually, not much" - was trying futilely to evade the shameful reality in which he lives.

\- "Family?" - insisted Mycroft.

\- "Almost ..." - said Greg with a voice of disappointment and after a few seconds of uncomfortable silence - "That night when I found you lying on the floor of your room totally drugged and drunk" - Mycroft raised an eyebrow of annoyance, did not need such a description of the scene - "I was wonder myself for a moment if I would be in the same circumstances ..." - Mycroft looked at him incredulously. "You see ... until a few months ago I was married, we did not have children, we were supposed to be a happy couple, or at least I thought so ..." - Mycroft looked him in the eye and quickly deduced the problem of Greg. - "Practically a policeman has no family life, sometimes I did not get home and in my absence things happened that should not have happened ... then I started drinking and drinking more and more, to forget, and that night after taking care of you, I went back home and on top of my bed there was only an envelope coffee with divorce papers, and I found myself completely alone in my own house in our house, hers and mine, and I did the only thing I know that I doing well, to drink again and you will see, Mycroft ... the nightmare does not end for me yet "- Mycroft remained silent without knowing what to say, he had never had a friend to advise before. - "What do you think of me now?" - Mycroft looked at him surprised.

\- "We all have problems, Gregory, not because of that my perception towards you will changed, you are a great policeman and you have always been willing to help my little brother, without a doubt you are a good friend who now needs help" - The words of Mycroft they surprised Lestrade - "You're not alone, I think John, Miss Hooper, Mrs. Hudson and my brother can help you, and if you need me you can count on me." - Mycroft took the glass of beer from Lestrade and left it on the next table. - "Starting at this moment ... if you want" - Mycroft smiled and Greg somewhat embarrassed nodded.

By the time they both left the pub you could see some stars between clouds, it had been a special night, it seemed like a new beginning for Mycroft, he was curious about life, like a new meaning, it seemed that everything had a purpose now, life hurt less when there were people with who to talk about anything, I looked at Greg's expression, more calm.

\- "I must take you to the Sherlock's flat" - declared Lestrade.

-"What? "- said surprised Mycroft.

\- "It was a request from Sherlock, he made me promise that he would not leave you alone for any reason and that he would take you to the flat healthy and safe " - Mycroft made an annoyed gesture and rolled his eyes. - "Look, your brother really cares about you, he has always done it, only that before, you two were too stupid to recognize how much you care about each other ..." - Mycroft looked at him with his big blue eyes surprised by the statement . - "... and I think now you should start getting used to this behavior of Sherlock" - although Lestrade could be right, Mycroft had his suspicions that something else was happening, Sherlock was not over protective or at least he thought. The older brother swallowed his pride and looked at Lestrade.

\- "Well come on, my dear brother awaits us!" - He exclaimed with an indifferent look, hiding the emotion that had caused the words of Greg on him.


	13. Mycroft's Confession II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "There are no secrets that time does no reveal." - Jean Baptiste Racine.

He checked the contents of his suitcase for the last time, the list of medications was extensive, and all his personal care was practically a torture for him, and the first time since he’d got ill, he really did not know if he would resist other years of this, the routine of schedules, doctors, therapist and pills.

 

\- "Are you ready?" - Asked from the kitchen, Mycroft turned and winked at him - "the car will arrive in about 20 more minutes" –

\- "I would have preferred the train trip ..." - said Mycroft. Sherlock noticed that his brother was beginning to suspect his strange and overprotective attitude; partly it was true he was worried about the health of his older brother.

\- "I know, but I want to prevent you from getting tired more than necessary ... so a wonderful plane flight is waiting for us, brother dear" - Mycroft smiled sweetly as he approached the kitchen - "What?" - The detective asked surprised.

\- "My baby brother cares about me ..." - said Mycroft with satisfaction.

\- "Only now you notice it, do you still think you're the smart one?" - Both brothers smiled

\- "I am afraid, brother mine, and that I am not so exceptionally intelligent after all" - this confession surprised Sherlock, for years Mycroft reproached to little brother his intelligence. - "How do you feel?" - Mycroft asked.

\- "Better, just a minor cold, by the way, a surprise awaits you in our parents' house and it's not a cake ..." - said Sherlock mocking; Mycroft looked at him doubtfully, and before he could ask anything else, a high-pitched and irritating voice that came from the corridor inevitably interrupted his thoughts.

\- "Mycroft Holmes!" - the older brother closed his eyes and brought the hands to his face.

\- "You cannot avoid this forever, Myke ...!” - He said with a burlesque voice and Mycroft took a deep breath - "How is it possible that you can kill three people and you cannot handle a defenseless old woman of....70 years old?" - Sherlock laughed out loud at Mycroft's trouble expression, of course, Mrs. Hudson isn't a common woman, and certainly not a helpless woman, she was one of those women that he feared, just as her mother, Mrs. Hudson, possessed the ability to disarm and destroy him with a single sentence. - "Oh and please, brother mine... try to avoid a third world war" - Sherlock enjoyed the uncomfortable moment of his older brother and Mycroft rolled his eyes with exasperation.

\- " Oh Shut up, Sherlock!" - He said as he adjusted his jacket.

\- "I know you heard me, do not make me repeat!!" - Mrs. Hudson said imperatively, Mycroft started down the stairs, undecided.

\- "Mrs. Hudson ... I "- said Mycroft undecided.

 - "Do not stand there, come in" - said Mrs. Hudson treating Mycroft as if he were still a child.

Mycroft slowly opened the door, the place had changed a lot since the explosion, most of the furniture was new, the older brother stood at the kitchen door, looking at the dining room.

\- "Here, Mycroft" - said the voice but this time sweeter, Mycroft began to walk and peeking timidly into the corner of the hallway he saw that Mrs. Hudson was waiting for him with cookies and tea - "You look thinner since the last time you I saw you"- Mrs. Hudson said, he smiled kindly without saying anything. - "Please sit down" - she said.

\- "I think I can not be long ..." - trying in vain to apologize.

 

After a few minutes, Mycroft came out with a smile; Sherlock was standing on the stairs with his arms on his back leaning against the wall.

\- "There is no declaration of war...there will not be a discourse of the queen" - he said smiling.

\- "Please Sherlock, behave yourself" - Mrs. Hudson said - "Take care of your brother" - she said, and Sherlock just winked his eye with a wide smile and took the suitcases, the car had arrived.

 

By the time they arrived at their parents' house, it had gotten dark, Mycroft was no doubt nervous, more a year ago that he didn't see to his parents, he was not sure if this visit would have a happy ending, before they get out the cab, Mycroft fixed his blue tie and gray jacket, Sherlock looked at him a little worried.

\- "Are you okay?" - Sherlock asked.

-"Yes I am"- he said in a gravelly voice, almost indifferent, showing that he had full control of his emotions.

\- "You act as if you were to present yourself in front of a firing squad, brother mine" - he said with a smile, that's way Mycroft felt, nervous in every sense of the word, his parents: always been demanding, already they pressed him, beyond the limit from an early age, especially his mother.

\- "If maybe, it's been a while ... it's just that, Sherlock" - said Mycroft trying to appease his younger brother, and he open the car door, looked at the dark horizon, and could see the full sky full of stars, breathe deeply, the clean, cold air penetrates his lungs, the scent of jasmine in the place was unrecognizable, he was at home, sweet home, a little older, a little wiser and, why not say it, more human.

 

Siger Holmes opened the door and the light of the dining room illuminated the path through the small garden, Mycroft stood behind Sherlock as if hiding and no doubt the younger brother noticed this strange attitude.

 

\- "Mycroft !, my son, you are finally here!" - Daddy Holmes said and without thinking he hugged him, the slightly confused older brother was receptive to his father's affection. Sherlock smiled happily, could not wait to see Mycroft's reaction. - "Come on, leave your bags there, Sherlock, they're waiting for us in the kitchen" - The three of them walked down the hall to the kitchen, when they arrived the older brother looked up and his body froze.

\- "Hello Mycroft" - she said bluntly, everyone was watching him and he really did not know what to say to her, he swallowed hard trying to clear his throat.

\- "Good evening!" - said Mycroft, while Sherlock rolled his eyes.

\- "You look a bit tense ... is it because a long trip, dear brother?" - said Eurus in a soft and inquisitive voice.

\- "Yes, I'm tired ... if you excuse me" -Mycroft needed to leave the place, felt he was drowning, walked to the bathroom and untied his tie to breathe, wet his face with water _\- it is not happening -_ he thought, he could not believe that Eurus was in the kitchen, he take the bottle inside pocket of his jacket and put a pill under his tongue. Only a few minutes passed until Sherlock banged on the door.

\- "Myke, open the door" - with a worried voice, Sherlock tried to hear Mycroft, but there was only silence, after a few seconds Mycroft opened the door.

\- "this" is your wonderful surprise?" - Sherlock with an anguished look observed him and nodded - "There is a lot of what you and I should talk about it, Sherlock" - the older man's eyes darkened - "Apparently, you have had a lot of fun in my absence "- the voice was low and threatening.

\- "It's not what you think ..." - he tries to say but suddenly was interrupted by Mycroft.

\- "Not now, my brother, the time will come" - Mycroft was hurt; he had spent too much time, absent, away from his family and decisions. Sherlock was confident that Mycroft would end up accepting that Eurus spends a few days a month at his parents' house.

\- "How do you feel?" - the older brother took a deep breath, took Sherlock's hand and placed it on his chest. - "You need to rest ..." - said Sherlock worried, he did think as an option this Mycroft reaction.

\- "No, I can hold another hour, I also want to eat a piece of cake ..." - Mycroft finally smiled and Sherlock relaxed, the older brother just wanted to observe his sister's behavior, it was his only goal, his worried was increasing, Mycroft he was convinced that Eurus would never change, at some point he could manipulate his family but not him.

During dinner Mycroft sat in his usual place at the right hand of his father and in front of his mother, at his side was Sherlock and in front of his baby brother was Eurus, almost all the evening Mycroft answered diplomatically the questions that his parents asked him, he did not cross looks with Eurus at any time but he knew that she was observed him, the same way he did it, and without a doubt he noticed a complicity, Mycroft knew that after the incident in Sherrinford and the frequent visits of Sherlock, at some point it would generate a bond between the brothers beyond his comprehension, and it was like that, it seemed that Sherlock had forgotten everything that Eurus did to him in his childhood and in Sherrinford, these memories created an internal struggle in Mycroft, he deeply loved Eurus, she is his sister and saw her grow up in a cell, that elemental thing, changed his life, broke his heart,  this damaged his soul for years. With his elbows on the table and staring, memories of his past invaded his mind he suddenly could hear Sherlock and Eurus laughed at something and Mycroft pay attention, the older brother felt an almost uncontrollable inner rage, Mycroft was not jealousy, he felt as far from his family as before, Mycroft felt that he did not belong there.

\- "Mother, dinner as always was delicious, I think it's time to rest ..." - said Mycroft with a feigned smile.

\- "Will not you eat cake ?, I did it for you" - said his excited little sister, Mycroft closed his eyes and Eurus could notice his disappointment, nobody had told him, Eurus had been traveling home for some time, probably months, it was logical, everything made sense now for him.

\- "Thank you, maybe tomorrow ..." - said Mycroft trying to hide the disappointment in his voice and Eurus looked at Sherlock inquisitively. The older brother walked to his old and nice room, everything was the same, the same wallpaper, the same books piled up, tired, resting his head on the pillow, turned off the light and only heard some voices in the distance, thinking of the darkness, - How much do I have left? one year or two - was what his doctor had told him, like a virus another idea was fixed in his mind - Maybe it's what Sherlock needs, his little sister.-  Mycroft thought, he was not there forever for his baby brother, maybe Eurus could take his place, a knock at the door interrupted his thoughts.

\- "Mycroft" - it was almost a whisper, and the older brother pretended to be asleep, Sherlock subtly put his hand on Mycroft's neck looking for his pulse. - "He's fine, his pulse is strong, but it is regular" - said Sherlock.

\- "He need to rest ..." - She said in a soft voice.

\- "Yes, tomorrow our brother will feel better" - said Sherlock. The door closed again.

 _\- No more secrets, no more lies. -_ Mycroft smiled bitterly, had always had control over his family's affairs and now he felt displaced, totally useless and what was worse, he is ill. Mycroft look at the watch, 3:34 am, still uneasy because of his thoughts he got up and walk to the window, opened it and a light breeze entered his room, leaning against the window frame the older brother looked at the surroundings, completely dark and silently, he stayed a few minutes watching and among his thoughts he remembered that he had forgotten to take one of the pills, he put on his robe, and looked into the corridor, it was inevitable to think of Musgrave, Eurus used to scare him with a rag doll, a clown, that dark corridor very similar to this one, intentionally she put the rag doll at the end of corridor, with a macabre and perpetual smile, Mycroft his closed eyes he tried to control his childhood fear,  there was no light and it seemed that everyone was sleeping, slowly, under the stairs, turned on the light of the kitchen, everything was still in the same place, Mycroft take a glass and just let the liquid run down her throat.

 

\- "Are you okay, Mycroft?" - said the voice, and Mycroft of the scare dropped the glass, breaking instantly.

\- "Bollocks!" - said Mycroft scared, taking his hand to his chest.

\- "Let me help you!" - said Eurus coming out of the darkness.

\- "What are you doing? ... I ..." - He could still feel his heart beat strongly. Eurus approached to pick up the pieces of glass scattered around the kitchen counter. - "Leave it ..." - Mycroft insisted, in his attempt to prevent Eurus from taking the broken glasses she cut herself and quickly began to bleed. - "Bloody hell ..." - he exclaimed worried, Mycroft took a dishcloth and put it on her finger.

\- "It's just a cut ..." - she said looking amazed as the blood came from her finger.

\- "Wait here ..." - Mycroft said in a low and threatening voice, by when he returned, Eurus still watched as her finger bled without stopping, the older brother took the dishcloth again and put it on his sister's finger - "Press it hard " - he order, Mycroft opened the first-aid kit and began to take things, Eurus looked at him with a strange curiosity, perhaps tenderly, after a few seconds he took the Eurus´s hand and saw that the cut was not deep, she could feel Mycroft's warm hand, her older brother had never treated her like that before, she in an attempt to feel him again, took his hand, and Mycroft looked at her scared ... Eurus could only say the only thing he knew about him, without knowing if it was appropriate but it was her best attempt to get close to Mycroft.

\- "Did you see too much blood, Myke?, Sherlock told me" - The older brother looked at her surprised, the question was so creepy that his arms get goosebumps, but Mycroft avoid remove his hand. After a seconds of silence between them, Mycroft opened the chest of drawers, took the longest and sharpest knife possible, and without saying anything put the knife next to his sister and sat down in front of her, Eurus looked at the knife in his hands, the cold metal aroused her greatest desire, since she was a child, she dreamed with the Mycroft's death, they were always separated by bars or glass, Mycroft's neck was exposed as if waiting for the moment, a meter away, it would be quick and painless, but his little sister sighed deeply, and maybe in an act of compassion, she just put the knife in her older brother's hands, and Mycroft just smiled.

\- "What's wrong?, I heard something was broken" - interrupted Sherlock - "... I thought something had happened in your room the door was open ..." - said Sherlock looking worried to see that there was a bloody cloth on the table and trying to catch his breath.

\- "Nothing happens ... just I got cut myself and my older brother is healing me" - Mycroft had cleaned the wound with alcohol, and took out a Band-Aid, he was so focused on what he was doing that he did not notice that Eurus and Sherlock were looking at him with a smile.

\- "I think you'll be fine now, it will not bleed anymore" - Mycroft said with satisfaction and after a few seconds he could feel the eyes of his brothers with awkwardness.

\- "Can not you sleep, brother mine?" - Sherlock asked while checking his sister's finger.

-"The truth is, no…"-

\- "Neither do I ..." - said Eurus

\- "A movie?" - Sherlock said enthusiastically, Mycroft looked at Eurus who smiled instantly.

The wizard of Oz, it was not his favorite movie, in its original black and white version, really since his childhood that movie for some reason it terrified him, Eurus was next to Sherlock and Mycroft was sitting in front of them observing them carefully, the relationship between Sherlock and Eurus had progress, this keep surprising the older brother, the months locked in Sherrinford and in the psychiatric hospital had only distanced him from reality, his doubts about Eurus, were still justified, - Eurus was still a dangerous being or just a person who needed love? - He wondered as he watched them laugh, Mycroft had never tried to give her affection, the same thing happened with Sherlock, in a certain way he had adopted a father figure, similar to his mother, lacking in affection, demanding, controlling, he had forgotten to be a child, a loving brother, at an early age.

\- "Do you like the Wizard of Oz, Myke?" - asked Eurus, interrupting his thoughts, when he was about to tell her the truth, he stopped himself, remembered that she had not seen this movie and no other before.

\- "The truth ... is that I like it because I'm with you" - said Mycroft almost thinking what he had said was so ridiculously cheesy and excessively emotional, but Eurus and Sherlock looked at him surprised, Mycroft's words had been more than enough for them, it was everything they needed to hear by that early morning.

After a few minutes, Eurus and Sherlock totally tired fell asleep, one leaning on the other, the movie had not yet finished, but Mycroft looked tenderly at the scene, took a few blankets first covered Sherlock and put his head on the sofa, and then to Eurus, covered her carefully, she looked at him a few seconds - "Shhh !, sleep, sister mine" - he said almost whispering, turn off the TV and take out the old VHS, he looked at them one last time and turned off the stair light , exhausted by fatigue, he fell on the bed, thinking that perhaps he was wrong after all or that only his sister pretended everything very well, it was a possibility that scared him and tormented him, the last thing he saw it was the time, 5:45 am, and he let himself be carried once more by the beating of his heart.

 

He woke up from an intense pain in his neck, did not want to open his eyes, and slowly began to move his head, the pain was so intense that he moaned, he was still face down on his bed and had been covered with a blanket, Mycroft looked all around him the light in the room was so bright it bothered his eyes, he took a deep breath, stretched his arm to the table as soon as he reached the clock _\- 01:47 pm, it could not be -_ thought Mycroft, dropping his head on the pillow again until who remembered that he had forgotten the bloody pills ritual. He moved the curtain, looked through the window, leaning against the wall for a couple of minutes watching his brothers talking, Eurus and Sherlock sitting on a rock, for some reason Mycroft did not feel fear or apprehension for Eurus, something definitely had to change between them, the forest was still as dark as ever, the trees are so tall that the hill behind them could no longer be seen.

\- "Mycroft has changed a lot; he is no longer snarky and unpleasant, is not it?" - said Eurus.

\- "I suppose, when some people hit the bottom like our brother, the mask also falls, and our brother has used mask for long time" - confessed Sherlock.

\- "I think you're right" - Sherlock showed his cell with the messages to her - "Someone is playing with you, dear brother" - said Eurus with a malevolent smile - "You know that Mycroft has many enemies" -

\- "Eurus, this is much more serious than it appears" - the last message had arrived this morning - "I cannot involve Lestrade in this and since Mycroft is out of the cabinet office his passwords have been expired ..." - Sherlock sighed deeply.

\- "... And ... you need my help, right?" - Sherlock nodded.

\- "Can you find out where these messages come from?" - Euros made an almost obvious gesture - "Our brother cannot know about this, Eurus" - She looked at him strangely.

 - “You’ll only get him to get mad when Mycroft finds out... and you know he will" –

\- "I cannot tell him ..." - Sherlock looked at the ground - "He's sick ... his heart is too weak ... Eurus, our brother is not the same as before" - She changed her expression.

\- "Obviously... congestive heart disease?" - She asked seriously and Sherlock just looked at her surprised - "Brother dear, you just have to observe him, our brothers have all the symptoms ..." - Both brothers were silent, thinking about their final conclusion.

\- "Every time I try to accompany him to the doctor he refuses, what do you think?" - Sherlock blinked several times, worried.

\- "A year or two years, maybe less ... it just depends on how much Myke takes care of himself" - Sherlock closed his eyes and she approached to him, resting her head on his shoulder. - "You're right, we will not tell to our big brother anything, it will be our secret, Sherlock" –

He put on his jacket, strangely the house was completely silent, he stopped at the edge of the stairs expecting to hear some noise but only the wind that came through the window was all he could hear, slowly, and walk to the kitchen, on the table there was note: _\- It is for you, brother mine, E -_ there was a huge piece of cake, a smile was drawn on the face of the older brother, Mycroft took a glass and the milk bottle from the refrigerator, sat down completely anxious, but suspiciously he paused _\- poison -_ poisoned dying was what he had always feared, he was alone, no one would hear his screams of pain asking for help, a decision, it was something more than a matter of trust, after Sherrinford, there was no confidence in Eurus, Mycroft took the fork, it was a matter of love, the older brother took a piece of cake to his mouth, he waited anxiously for a few seconds, but nothing happened, stupidly he started laughing, it was just thoughts of an psychotic mind, that was all.

 

\- "Good afternoon, Myke" - said his mother, in his hands he brought many wild flowers and his father came behind. - "I'm glad you're eating, how do you feel?" - said her mother while arranging the flowers.

\- "Hello, fine" - said Mycroft dryly - "Where is Sherlock?" - feigning concern.

\- "This with Eurus in the backyard, you should accompany them, they are your brothers, Mycroft." - said his mother in a tone of criticism, Mycroft made a gesture of displeasure.

\- "I am completely sure that they are better without me" - said Mycroft indifferently.

\- "Do not say that, Mycroft" - the resentment in the older brother was still as present as before - _ **-Then you should have done better-** . -_ "You were wrong, Mycroft, she has changed a lot" - his father insisted.

\- "How could he know it, Myke has not been here!" - said her mother coldly. _**\- Then he's very limited -** _ the words were still attached to his soul as always, nothing had changed for him - "We all change, Mycroft, even you, you should try ... change for once in your life" - she said sarcastically, Mycroft ducked his head, **_-Sherlock , you were always the grown-up –_** Mycroft remembered.

\- "Shut up, woman, shut up!" - said Mycroft banging both fists on the table, his parents looked at him scared; Mycroft was still looking at the ground.

\- "Yes, I see that you have not changed in ..." - A squeak of the chair interrupted his mother; Mycroft stood and looked at her with his die eyes, deep and dark.

\- "You're right mother ... I'm still the same Mycroft as always, I'm still stuck between these walls of this house, every night, every Christmas I'm still stuck without being able to run ..."

\- "What are you talking about, Mycroft?" - said his father scared.

\- "Mother, do you remember that night when you told me that I was a stupid and jealous child that I was just trying desperately to call your attention?" - said Mycroft as he approached his mother with his sharp gaze.

\- "Mycroft, did you take your pills?" - She said worried.

\- "Do not try to manipulate me, do not try to treat me like a sick man, I'm not crazy, I'm just a little evil!!" - he exclaimed, almost shouting - "I'm talking about the night I asks you for help and you denied it to me, dear mother, I speak when I told you that my uncle Rudy had raped me ... "- His father stepped back confused, and his mother after seeing the face of Mycroft, everything had been true, and totally horrified she sat in the chair, mummy Holmes began to sobbing - "It was true, everything was true, every word I told you that night, I would have liked to believe that all those years were a horrible nightmare, but not for me ... it never was" - Mycroft slowly turned ashamed and his voice broke - "He raped me for years, and just ... I just be quiet up, at that moment and nothing else mattered, I had to be quiet up for the sake of Sherlock, for the sake of Eurus, for the sake of you, mother, there was no other way to continue ... I did not want be a shame for our family "- Mycroft's hands trembled and he could hear his mother crying, but he did not stop and as if waiting for this moment, revenge ... -" Yes mother, you've always been right about me, I was just a liar and stupid child I did not know what to do with myself, too stupid to think that my own parents would help me, too limited ... and there are still nights and days that I feel that way, completely trapped and lost ... this is what I am ... and nothing will change ... "- Mycroft left the kitchen without say nothing more.

 

Mycroft took the cigars from his father's jacket, opened the door and before he closed it, he heard someone calling him, the weak voice was from his mother, but he did not care. Next to the dirt road there was a black car, - MI5 agents of course - the men greeted him but Mycroft ignored them completely, his dark side was more present than ever, he felt repressed, an internal hatred enveloped him once more as the darkness of the night and as the road progressed began to fade, pressed his coat to his chest even though it was a clear spring day the cold burned his bones - what the hell have I done? - he thought feeling guilty, he had always thought to take that secret to his grave, but with his mother...between them just were only arguments, he was tired, and his confession had been an act of genuine revenge, he could not deny that Mycroft sought to harm his mother and the result It was satisfactory.

 

At the end of the path there was an old house in ruins, built of rocks, it was the old architecture of northern England, typical and beautiful, Mycroft leaned on the wall, gasping from the effort and closed his eyes, the wind moved his already almost disappeared and gray hair, his skin shone in the sun, he knew that no one would find him here, it was his secret place as a child, many afternoons he spent there reading some philosophy or astronomy books, from the small hill, Mycroft could see the wide valley and the small lake, where he and Sherlock had fun throwing stones, nothing changed, the amazing view and geography seemed impenetrable to the presence of the human being, it was still a wild and unalterable landscape, just as he liked it. After a few minutes of regaining his breath Mycroft lit the cigarette, lay down on the long grass, in front of him had the immense sky, the sound of birds, the wind and branches moving, was a feeling of freedom, suddenly Mycroft notice how lucky he was to be there, to feel his heart beating quietly at last, he was at peace.

 

\- "Mycroft, Mycroft!" - said the voice, Mycroft opened his, confused - "I thought you were dead" - she said.

\- "What? ... no ... not unfortunately" - said Mycroft holding his hand to his eyes - "What are you doing here?" - After a few seconds he said surprised.

\- "It's been a few hours ... are you feel fine?" - The question was more disconcerting for Mycroft.

\- "I think so ..." - Mycroft stood up slowly, his back and neck hurt really bad and finally he looked at his little sister.

\- "You look terrible, Myke ..." - she said with her face expressionless.

\- "Thank you" - said Mycroft with a smile and he supported his tired body on the wall once more - Where is Sherlock? "- asked very concern.

\- "We separated, he went to the other end of the valley looking for you" - she said.

\- "What?, he left you alone?...Sherlock, you moron!" - said Mycroft annoyed.

\- "I'm not a little girl, Myke, I can take care of myself" - said Eurus sure.

\- "We'll talk about that ... later" - He _said seriously_ , and then paused, wrinkling his forehead - "What are you doing?" -

\- "I sent a message telling him that I found you and where I found you" - she said proudly, Mycroft looked at her with a smile. And both were silent for a few minutes, the sun began to hide on the horizon. Eurus stood next to Mycroft and timidly she took the arm of her brother.

\- "I think, Mycroft ... I really think I can forgive you ..." - she said as she rested her head on Mycroft's arm. The big brother closed his eyes - It's enough for me, it's enough - thought Mycroft, closing his eyes relieved, feeling the last rays of sun on his face, and tenderly take his sister's hand, just with the excuse of checking her band-aid, her hands were frozen.

\- "Eurus you're freezing!" - Mycroft took off his coat and put it on.

\- "We went out with Sherlock quickly ..." -

\- "I know it, better?" - he said sweetly, she nodded and rested her head on the chest of her older brother, Mycroft's body tensed completely for a few seconds, he could not avoid the emotional context and just surrounded her with his arms - "You're missing the sunset" - he said in a soft voice, she was silent listening for the first time in her life a human heart beating, her brother had a heart after all, and unable to understand what was happening she hugged him and Mycroft put her face on his head, and hugged her even harder. - "We must return, sister mine, it is getting dark" - he said totally moved.

\- "Just a few more minutes ..." - said Eurus, while relaxing listening to the beating of his heart, of course Mycroft was too indulgent and permissive, he spoiled his brothers whenever he could, they were his biggest weakness.

-“Why didn't you kill me in Sherrinford?” - He asked in a soft voice, he could almost deduce the answer.

-“That was never the final purpose, but for Moriarty it was a different story…just a pawn on a chessboard”- she paused while listening how Mycroft's heartbeat were increased and skipping time to time –“Between you and me, dear brother, Sherlock has always been different from us, your lack of empathy, it's my lack of humanity, our brother has saved us in what we have become... Sherrinford was just a test, he's better those us.”- Mycroft closed his eyes and kept them shut for a minute.

-“Promise me that you will take care of Sherlock when I'm gone”- he said in a _broken voice_ , his throat tightening.

-“This will be our secret, Myke”- she said, and hugged her brother with more strength, one day she imagined this moment, a little peace, Eurus could feel, his struggle between the logic and feelings went harder than for Mycroft.

 - "Are you ready for a family reconciliation, dear brother?" - Said Sherlock as he left from the ruins of the old house, Mycroft took a deep breath and looked at Eurus.

\- "It's time to go home" - the older brother slowly fastened her sister's coat, and Eurus started walking, Sherlock looked at Mycroft.

\- "You just lost your coat forever, brother mine" - Mycroft looked at him surprised - "Our sister still does not return me my scarf" - both looked at each other and smiled. Between his mother and him there were no words, just a hug, it was all he had ever needed from his mother, and Mycroft knew that he had already forgiven her, although the pain persisted between them, bitter, it was only a matter of time.

For the next day, as usual, the helicopter had arrived, Eurus had to return to Sherrinford, for his parents the farewell was sad, and although Mycroft disguised it the last two days had been as before, happy days, seeing her return to Sherrinford was something that He broke his heart, and from that moment he was determined to go back to work, he needed to find a way to get Eurus out of prison, he did not know if it would be the best decision, Mycroft was not rational of course, he only knew that he would do it because he wanted to see Sherlock happy and his parents, finally he would only do it out of love, like so many other times, he was not afraid to be wrong this time, after all his time was limited and his days numbered.

 

***********************************


	14. Edge of Autumn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The past is never dead. It is not even past.” ― William Faulkner

Dawn was not yet, the streets were covered by a dense fog and the time had come, Mycroft was waiting with Sherlock the black car that would take him to work. The brothers were in complete silence, the detective smoked almost compulsively, and the big brother still didn't understand Sherlock's new and apprehensive attitude.

 

\- "Feeling nervous?" - Sherlock asked as he inhaled intensely the smoke until his lungs.

\- "Yes" - replied almost instantly as guessing the question. - "Do you know what this means, brother mine?" - added Mycroft quietly.

\- "Of course ..." - Sherlock affirmed by voting smoke through his nose - "... you will put your mask back" - said Sherlock uncomplained.

\- "That's right, and ... do you understand why I do it?" - said Mycroft as he swayed on his feet and leaning his body on his umbrella.

\- "Obviously, to protect us ..." - said Sherlock seriously.

 

And Mycroft smiled, the black car approaching Baker Street when Sherlock threw the cigarette butt on the ground and put out it, and shot a look inspecting his big brother.

 

\- "You do not have to wait here with me" - said Mycroft

\- "I'll wait you for lunch, Mike" - said Sherlock ignoring the words of Mycroft.

\- "I do not know ..." - while getting into the car.

\- "1:30, it will be then, call me when you got ready and please, do not forget to let me know when you get to your office" - Sherlock looked at his watch - "... in 10 minutes more" - Sherlock said closing the car door, the older brother was surprised, it was totally unusual and otherwise suspect thing, but he could not deny this affection and this level of concern towards his person, Mycroft had never lived it before.

 

Sherlock waited for the car to disappear at the end of the block before going up to his apartment,

 

\- "Sherlock, there's something I have to tell you ..." - the detective abruptly closed the door.

\- "Not now Ms. Hudson ... busy" - he stared at her, almost concentrated, and ran up the stairs to take his laptop, during the following days he would not take care of any case, John and he,  would try to find out who was behind the messages, now the detective received a new message every 3 days, all of different numbers and were increasingly threatening, while Mycroft was in his part-time job, Sherlock could work on it, but at the same time he was worried about not having Mycroft under surveillance.

 

**_Three days later._ **

 

His elbows on the table, his hands crossed, and that inquisitive look, in front of him had the Secretary of State for Business, Energy and Industrial Strategy. After a year away from his job, Mycroft did not notice too many changes, the routine was the same, signatures, decisions and calls, and his privileges within the cabinet office had been completely restored, he had even been commissioned to review the new agreements of the Euratom, he was now more than a simple counselor, Mycroft had to make decisions, and in the last days he had spent his time in meetings, interviews, and revising the treaties with the EU. With half a day of work it was impossible to cover everything, even for him, and discussions with Sherlock on the subject increased in the following days, Mycroft was convinced that Sherlock would understand at some point.

 

\- "Mycroft, are you completely sure of what you are doing?" - Lady Smallwood watched the screen with fear, like a ghostly figure, Eurus walked from one place to another in her cell.

\- "I do not pretend that my sister dies in prison, if that is what you think, Alicia" - said Mycroft in a low voice.

\- "After handling and hiding the past affairs of my late husband, I will always be grateful to you, Mycroft, but this is too much" - Mycroft turned his head looking down at her with contempt.

\- "I do not think it is necessary to remember that episode in our lifes now... that your husband never committed suicide, Alicia" - he said threateningly.

\- "Mycroft, we have enough time in this to understand that your threats have no effect on me, I just want you to know that I am completely sure that this will be a disaster" - Lady Smallwood approached Mycroft softly touched the lapel of his jacket with his hand and looking into his eyes - "Your sister is a murderer and you too, as his mentor ... do not forget it" - she said turning and start to walk to the helicopter, Mycroft closed his eyes, and sat once more in the chair.

 

**_2 weeks later._ **

 

It was almost midnight when Mycroft arrived at Baker Street, Sherlock looked out the window and grimaced in disgust and sat on his couch waiting for his brother to arrive, John watched silently with an inquisitive look.

\- "Mycroft Holmes! What sort of a time is this to get home?!" - Mycroft left his briefcase on the floor and slowly pulled off his coat.

\- "I'm sorry Mrs. Hudson ... it's been a long day at work" - Mycroft was relieved that it was a long weekend.

\- "Mycroft ... you looks ..." - the older brother brought the finger to his mouth telling her to keep quiet.

\- "Goodnight, Mrs. Hudson" - said Mycroft leaning on the stairs.

\- "See you tomorrow, Mycroft, get some rest" - said worried Mrs. Hudson. Mycroft slowly climbed the stairs, he was exhausted, the lower part of his eyes were blackened and his pale skin was almost gray, his lips were purple and had only been working for two weeks, his appearance was unhealthy in every way.

\- "Mycroft" - said Sherlock without looking at his brother.

\- "Good evening" - said Mycroft unbuttoning his tie and leaving his briefcase on the side of the sofa.

\- "I imagine you will have dinner, we were waiting for you" - Sherlock said in a serious voice, John could see the tension between them.

\- "Please, I'm starving ..." - said Mycroft quickly, the government official wanted to avoid any kind of confrontation, although he was not hungry Mycroft would make an effort.

\- "We have soup, Sherlock, he cook it... If Rosie ate it is because it must be edible" - John said with a smile, while the detective returned a look of annoyance.

\- "How was your work day?" - said John breaking the ice in the room.

\- "Pretty long, I must be honest, the Brexit is a real nightmare, apart from that, I was in Sherrinford all afternoon, it was a relaxing moment, by the way our little sister is fine, Sherlock" - Sherlock raised an eyebrow, but did not respond.

\- "That's good, do you go often?" - John asked while looking at Sherlock.

\- "I try to go twice a week" - said Mycroft, his trips were not only visits, the big brother took Eurus to a therapist in London, on each trip his sister opened to him, and the relationship between them intensified, if Mycroft wanted her to return to a normal life, he must be earn her trust once again, and in the process at some point Mycroft had to tell Sherlock.

 

The three of them sat at the table, and although it was just asparagus soup, Mycroft looked at the soup like a real torture, was not hungry and was too tired. Sherlock watched his brother carefully, and closed his eyes, it seemed that Mycroft could collapse on the table at any time, Eurus was right, now the symptoms were more evident, and the younger brother felt a rage, deep down Mycroft was committing suicide slowly, that's how the way he saw it, and Sherlock could not do anything about it.

 

\- "I thought ..." - Mycroft said hesitantly - "move out to the third floor, I speak with Mrs. Hudson, and she has two rooms there" - Sherlock looked at him surprised. - "This way, John, you can come back here" - declared Mycroft, intrinsically looking for John's support in his decision.

\- "Explain to me, Mycroft, how do you plan to go up to the third floor if you can barely get up here?" - Sherlock said annoyed.

\- "Slowly, in addition 14 steps more will not kill me, dear brother" - said cynically, Mycroft only thought about the Sherlock's future, if he moved to the third floor at some point could bring Eurus, and John, Rosie would be back with Sherlock, deep in his heart he wanted his baby brother to resume his previous life.

\- "That's your brilliant answer ..." - said Sherlock leaning his arms on the table and staring at Mycroft.

\- "Boys, please!" - Exclaimed John trying to calm his friends, but it was useless.

\- "Sherlock, I do it for you" - said Mycroft sighing deeply.

\- "I have not asked you any damn thing, Mycroft" - said Sherlock almost shouting. John looked at Sherlock worriedly.

\- "Do not you want John to come back?" - asked maliciously Mycroft.

\- "Do not get into John in this, do not try to manipulate me again, Mycroft" - Sherlock stood up from the table and dropped the chair backwards. - "I talk about you, Mycroft!" - Sherlock paused briefly looking at his big brother with despair - "Look at yourself, Mycroft, you look terrible, obviously too sick to continue, but you do not care what I think or feel about it, Right?”- Mycroft looked at him surprised.

\- "Sherlock, I'll be fine ..." - trying in vain to reassure Sherlock.

\- "You are a liar and damn stupid, Mycroft, stop treating me like a child, you cannot protect me anymore, you cannot stop me from seeing reality" - Mycroft closed his eyes, and Sherlock walked to his room. John and Mycroft were silent, the older brother supported his elbows on the table and dropped his head in his hands, I knew that these discussions could not continue.

\- "I just do it for him, John" - said Mycroft.

\- "Do you know what your problem is, Mycroft?" - The government official turned his head slowly looking at John.

 - "Enlighten me, please, John" - said Mycroft in a low and threatening voice.

\- "You still think that you can with everything alone, that you keep thinking about the people as if the people have nothing to say, Sherlock is your family, you're supposed to lean on him, you're supposed to let him take care of you, as you care for him and think about his future, what is best for him, Mycroft "-

\- "I know, John, I have this damn way to control everything, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry" - Both men looked at the green and cold contents of their plates. John stood up from the table and Mycroft was completely silent, John was always right.

\- "Then ..." - Both men looked at each other. - "Did you send my wife ... did you send Mary to shoot Magnussen?" - The question came out of nowhere, the Mycroft's body got tense and slowly put the spoon on the plate without tasting, and he knew that this kind of interrogation occurred more often

\- "That's right ..." - Mycroft sighed in relief finally had said it.

\- "Did she have done the dirty work for you?" - John said annoyed.

\- "She was willing to do it, John, it was her job" - John looked indignant at Mycroft

\- "She had a family, Mycroft, she had me, and you do not care" - John knew that he was not being fair but he still felt angry.

\- "It's something that I warned to Mary, from the beginning, she knew the risks from the first moment that she fell in love with you, when Mary told me I did not object about it, in our world, John, there are always enemies that they want to eliminate us, so to speak, and we will do anything to keep the people we love safe "- said Mycroft in a low voice, John shook his head without understanding. - "I put it her on your way…”-

\- "And it was the best thing that could have happened in my life" - interrupted John with moist eyes, his voice broke and quickly added - "If you want I can sleep on the couch" - said John.

\- "No, I still have work to do, go to sleep, John" - said Mycroft in a sad voice.

\- "Goodnight, Mycroft" - John said but there was no answer, Mycroft stayed a few minutes sitting thinking about Mary, he would never say it, but even then he still thought he could avoid Mary's death, if only he had taken into consideration the warnings Sherlock _\- Ammo_ \- the government official knew that it had also been his responsibility, a plot in his face, for years, and he never realized, he had failed in every way possible. And it would not happen again.

 

Mycroft began to dry the dishes he had washed, thinking about everything that had happened, he looked at the time _-1:15 am -_ he was exhausted, decided to work until 2 am and then sleep on the couch. He bent down to pick up his briefcase, a strong dizziness invaded his body and an intense desire to vomit, Mycroft walked as fast as he could to the bathroom, but it was useless, he held at the door and just could not contain himself, staining his expensive jacket and tie, Mycroft felt dizzy, panting and unable to stand from the floor, Sherlock took him from behind, the government officer could not stop vomiting and John looked at Sherlock with concern, the hands of Mycroft trembled, evacuated everything he had in his stomach and the bitter taste of bile remained in his mouth for a few minutes. Sherlock was still holding him and his right hand was on Mycroft's chest, he could feel his brother's heart beating out of control.

 

\- "John, help me ..." - said Sherlock and both friends took Mycroft to the room. John came back with his stethoscope and opened Mycroft's shirt, the older brother did not have the strength to refuse.

In the morning, while opening his eyes, he could hear familiar voices, it was normal Saturday days, Greg or Molly always came to visit Sherlock, Mycroft turned his head, and there was Sherlock looking at him worried.

\- "I think ... it would be a good idea that next week I stay at home and work from here" - Mycroft said swallowing with difficulty.

\- "I think it's the best decision you've made, brother mine, anyway I already told Lady Smallwood, on Monday we'll go to doctor ... and this time I'll go with you" - said Sherlock bluntly.

\- "I could not agree more with you, brother mine" - and finally after weeks he saw Sherlock smile.

\- "This Molly here, do you think you can get up and accompany us to breakfast?" - said Sherlock worried, Mycroft sat painfully in bed, nausea and dizziness had disappeared, breathed deeply and the government official nodded.

\- "I do not want to argue with you again, Sherlock ... and I do not want to waste more time, time that I do not have anymore" - said Mycroft before Sherlock went out the door, the younger brother leaning against the door frame.

\- "Let me help ... then" - Sherlock said in a sad voice, the detective knew what Mycroft was referring to, Sherlock was beginning to perceive that there was not much time between them and there was still much to be said, sharing, the younger brother needed to know that he had to do, the messages and the state of his brother's heart, suspiciously he was united, each message was a premonition, he did not want to lose Mycroft as it happened with Mary, not again, would not let it happen again.

 

The rain in the morning, that penetrating smell of damp, the soft cold wind, it was a sign that autumn is coming, Mycroft loved that season and knew that it might be the last, Sherlock could not stop seeing the dark content, just coffee, he was hit with the news and Mycroft more resigned in some way had always intuited it, and Mycroft looked through the window thinking that he did not want to be a burden to anyone and the government official knew he should start putting his matters in order. Both brothers were in a coffee shop on Richmond Hill Street, after leaving the cardiologist's office hardly spoke and somehow Mycroft understood that Sherlock needed to talk. After Musgrave, Sherlock stayed for long periods in silence, Mycroft knew his brother well, and as if it was yesterday, the government officer remembered taking him to the forest, many times, while Sherlock was looking for some insect to teach his big  brother, he usually said to him _\- Myke, I am sad and I do not know why -_ and ran into the arms of Mycroft sobbing without knowing why, sitting under the old cypress tree Mycroft consoled him in the best way he could do it, hugging him tenderly, the older brother always wanted to tell him, but he never found the way and strength enough to tell him the truth, Victor Trevor was dead, that his best friend was dead, Sherlock was too emotional, without realizing it, Mycroft became more and more overprotective.

 

\- "Richmond Park is close, would you like to go?" - Mycroft asked in a low voice.

\- "What for?" - said Sherlock without looking at his brother.

\- "Just talk ... maybe there's something you need to tell me" - Mycroft said insecurely.

\- "Do not be silly ... you know what I think, and the geographical location will not make you change your mind, Mycroft, there is nothing else that you and I have to tell us, you already made your decision" - Sherlock said annoyed and put on foot - "and yes, we are supposed to be family" - said Sherlock sarcastically and looking at his brother with anger.

\- "Sherlock, please ... sit down" - but his younger brother took his coat and left, leaving Mycroft behind.

 

He opened the door slowly, Mycroft closed his eyes, hurt and lonely once more, he looked at his house, everything remained unchanged in time, the same fine furniture, the darkness and the long corridor, he took off his coat and left his umbrella a side, lit the fireplace, and just sat down, looked at his cell phone, but there were no messages or calls from Sherlock, perhaps his baby brother had finally understood, Sherlock had finally give up himself. His thoughts returned, he thought of alcohol and why not, sleeping pills, so weak, so predictable.

 

\- "Steven, I need you to go to my office on Friday" - Mycroft demanded.

\- "Official business, Sir?" - asked the voice the other voice.

\- "No, personal matter, 12:30 I think it's convenient" - said Mycroft.

\- "Perfect, Do you need anything else, Mr. Holmes?" - said the man.

\- "No, Night Steven" - said indifferent Mycroft.

 

Steven was one of the best lawyers in London, and it was what Mycroft needed to settle his affairs, he would leave all his assets to Sherlock and Eurus, several properties in England, Mycroft was undoubtedly a millionaire man, but rarely did he exhibit his money, tired, he tilted his head back, the silence of the place began to numb his senses, and the creaking of the burning wood only relaxed him, his phone lit up in the darkness, Mycroft glanced sideways, tilted his body.

 

**Are you coming?. SH**

 

Mycroft put his hand to his face, he did not want arguments with his baby brother, maybe he needed a few days out of sight of Sherlock, both brothers were too obstinate to give in, their relationship was still corrosive despite that the older brother tried, and with his best effort, Mycroft was tired, just for tonight, sleeping pills, he knew that in the kitchen he had left a strip hidden, _\- what more damage could be done to my heart? -_ He thought.

**No, I'll stay at my home, Good evening. M**

 

It was Mycroft's terse response, completely ignoring that he was observed from the window, he stopped and stretched his tired body, I do not wait to read Sherlock's answer, he just started walking to the kitchen, in the middle of his journey he started coughing distressed, stopped to catch his breath and suddenly the curtain moved, it was a moonlit night, so it was obvious.

 

\- "For god sake, Sherlock get out of there!" - Ordered the older brother, but there was nothing but silence - "Come on! Sherlock! - Mycroft repeated, the curtain moved once more, he squeezed both hands and his breathing increased, he could feel that something was not right, even if, the older brother was able to run for his umbrella he would not have the opportunity to use it, a shadow between the curtains appeared . - "Who are you?" - said Mycroft trying to control himself.

\- "The correct question is: What do I want?" - said the man in a low voice and without warning, pointed his gun and only shot, Mycroft reached for support on the wall, the pain was not intense, with his hand Mycroft took the dart had buried in his arm, confused and began to feel dizzy - "Oh Dear Mr. Holmes! Mr. Holmes! is not so powerful or invincible! "- The man began to approach and Mycroft finally collapsed, did not know if it was poison, could not feel or move his body, Mycroft was terrified -" What is it that I want? "- The man again asked aloud, stood next to Mycroft and sadistically placed his left foot on Mycroft's chest and with the weight of his body began to crush him, Mycroft started to cough -" This is what I want ... Mr. Holmes, I want to see his face on agony and pleading, I want to take his heart out of his chest and I want to take it as a trophy! "- the man pulled a blade and smiled to see Mycroft struggling to get every breath -" Yes ... we will have a good time together, this is just beginning "- Mycroft was slowly suffocating when the man took out a cloth, poured a liquid into it and put it on face of Mycroft, it was only a matter of seconds before the government officer lost consciousness.

 

Sherlock squeezed the handrail of the stairs with his hands and bowed his head, _\- You promised me -_ he thought, the memory and the terror of seeing his brother lying in the living room of the house was still fresh in his mind, the feeling would not go away, for a few hours or days, the detective was disappointed, upset and frustrated, because even if he tried hard it was not enough, not for Mycroft.

\- "Will you come to see him?" - asked Molly worried, Sherlock shook his head.

\- "I'll wait for him to wake up ..." - he said sad - "John, could you ..." - the doctor started to walk to the end of the hall.

The bright light bothered his eyes, he felt confused, dizzy and thirsty, and was unable to understand what was happening, John approached slowly.

\- "Mycroft?" - John said softly, the government official turned his head.

\- "Sherlock?" - said Mycroft.

\- "No, I'm John, Mycroft, how do you feel?" - John could understand that this had gone too far.

\- "Dizzy, where I am?" - He struggled to wake up.

-"You are in the hospital"-

\- "Why? ..." - Mycroft ask confused.

\- "Last night you consumed a lot of sleeping pills, you lost consciousness due to an arrhythmia that almost killed you, Mycroft" - John said worried, filled a glass with water

\- "It's not possible" - Mycroft did not remember what happened.

\- "Yes it is, Sherlock found you lying on the living, do you remember?" - Mycroft tried to search his thoughts, his last memory was that he was sitting by the fireplace and yes, he thought to consume, but he was not sure if have done.

\- "I do not remember ... nothing, where is Sherlock?" - He asked worried.

\- "Sherlock is not here, what is the last thing you remember?"

\- "I was sitting by the fireplace ... and then I answered a message from Sherlock"

\- "That's it?" - Mycroft nodded as he had his eyes closed, but the government official did not answer, John sensed that his friend's brother was lying, or at least hiding something. - "Memory loss is not unusual, I will inform your doctor" - Mycroft looked at him sadly - "Did you try to commit suicide?" - The question was as embarrassing as it was disappointing, the older brother swallowed to clear his throat and answer for the first time Dr. Watson with the greatest sincerity.

\- "It's been tough days, and my relationship with Sherlock has only gotten worse ..." - Mycroft turned his head and looked at John - "I will not deny to you, it was my first thought when I crossed the threshold of my house, I thought more at once, John ... but I do not remember ... maybe yes, I do not remember taking those pills "- John put his hand to his worried face. - "Will you tell my brother?" -

\- "You'll tell him, Mycroft" - John took the glass with water and gave it to the government official - "I'll go for the doctor, and Mycroft" - I look tenderly at the older brother - "Just rest, you need it"-.

By the time he leave, Sherlock was waiting for him with his arms crossed over his chest, Molly was sitting with a cup of coffee in her hands, none of them had spoken for minutes while they waited in the visiting room of the ICU, John approached slowly, he still remembered  every words of Mycroft in his mind, John wasn't sure what he should tell his best friend, they knew that Mycroft could have a relapse, amphetamines, alcohol or attempted suicide, John and Sherlock repeated constantly this words  in the last weeks in their conversations, the detective had a serious and distant expression in his eyes, something selfish, Sherlock felt hurt, Mycroft had broken his promise.

\- "How is he?" - Sherlock asked coldly.

\- "Mycroft says that he does not remember having consumed pills, but he does not deny the possibility that he did it" - Sherlock slumped into the chair and Molly put her hand on his shoulder. - "Sherlock, your brother asked for you, Mycroft needs you, only yesterday he learned that ..." –

\- "... that only he has months left, I know, John, I was there with my brother when they told him, but ... I do not have time now" - Sherlock said sighing and hidden his sorrow.

\- "Where are you going?" - Almost shouted John, while Sherlock came down the stairs.

\- "I'm going to see Eurus, we have a case yet, John, remember?" - John looked at him bewildered.

\- "It's not the time, you also went through the same thing, relapses, drugs, and Mycroft was always with you ... and he will not be much longer for you, Sherlock" - warned his friend, the detective stopped, John, once again he was right, his words hurting him, but he just kept going down the stairs, the messages were more frequent, and he could not let more time pass, he needed the help of Eurus, Sherlock knew that his little sister was looking for this opportunity, a sign of redemption.

 

Mycroft started putting his things in his backpack, Molly had spent part of the afternoon with him, Sherlock's absence was just a sign that his baby brother was too tired just like him, Molly looked at him tenderly, Mycroft never imagined that she so sweet and really he never thought about in a special woman, always distant, always burying his feelings, it's just work, he had to be professional in what he did, he never had a serious date, a romantic moment in his life, somehow see couples on the street, kissing, it was something that he never would happen in his life, _\- Who could notice me? -_ He thought, something insecure sat on the bed and looked at Molly with a tender smile.

\- "Sherlock, will come, Mr. Holmes" - said Molly sure herself, with the confidence of a woman still in love, but Mycroft doubted it, it had been more than a day.

\- "I think my baby brother is too upset to come looking for me, so I asked for a taxi" - Mycroft said looking away - "I'm also a grown man, I can take care of myself ... by the way ..." - Mycroft swallowed and fixed his shirt nervously - "Thank you, Miss Hopper, for wasting your time with me" - the older brother took his backpack and medical discharge papers.

\- "It’s fine, I will accompany you ... until the exit, Mr. Holmes" - she said.

\- "Mycroft, please ... call me, Mycroft" - insisted the government official, she looked at him surprised; she had always considered the older brother so smug and conceited.

\- "You can call me ... Molly ... Mr. Holmes ... excuse me, Mycroft "- she laughed nervously, and to Mycroft this attitude seemed so unusual and full of tenderness. Molly brought the wheelchair and the older brother looked at her strangely.

\- "These are hospital policies, Mycroft" - she said.

\- "I will not sit on that "thing", I can walk" - said Mycroft with his hands in his pockets and with a superb look.

\- "If you want to go home ... I remember you, my hospital, my rules, Mycroft" - Molly said with a malevolent smile, the resigned government official sat in the wheelchair, part of his pride was diminished - "I will take you for some place of the hospital that you do not know ... so that nobody sees you "- she whispered in his ear, and the older brother looked at her with a smile. Maybe, she was not a woman with power, she did not have the intelligence that Sherlock expected in a woman, but Mycroft saw something more important in her, her passion for what she did, it was something the older brother had never understood in humans, the passion.

He kept the last shirt in his suitcase, everything was there, even the papers that still pending review and sign, Mycroft entered Sherlock's room sat on the bed and looked at the night table, surprised took the wooden photo frame mahogany, a photo of both, the older brother was nostalgic and sentimental when it came to his past, he remembered as if it were yesterday, his mother took this picture, Sherlock was about 6 or 7 years old, it was a hot summer day , both brothers splashed in the fountain that was in the entrance of the country house, while the statue of Poseidon threw water through his trident and finally fell on their head, Sherlock chasing his big brother with a wooden sword while the small laughed and shouted, Mycroft always believed that it was in that place where Sherlock built his fantasies and desire to be a pirate someday.

\- "Felling better?" - Sherlock asked dryly, and Mycroft quickly left his mental palace, somewhat confused to see that his baby brother was standing in the doorway.

\- "Oh yes, thank you" - replied Mycroft quickly and left the photo where he was.

\- "We have to talk ..." - Mycroft nodded. - "What happened to you?" - Sherlock asked annoyed.

\- "The truth is that I do not know ..." - he could not finish the sentence and was interrupted.

\- "The great Mycroft doesn't know it, the one who knows everything"- said Sherlock mocking -"I'll tell you what happened, I went to your house around 23 pm, you were lying on the living room carpet, you barely breathed, dear brother and your heart skipped a beat in your chest constantly, in one of your hands had a strip with sleeping pills but completely empty ... "- Sherlock felt a deep rage, took a deep breath and continued -" Again, I want the truth Mycroft, what happened?"-

\- "I do not remember, Sherlock, I do not know if I take those pills ..." - Mycroft's hands began to perspire.

\- "Don’t lie to me, Mycroft, did you think of me? After all I've taken care of you, you're a selfish bastard ..." - Sherlock was losing his patience.

\- "First of all, I've never asked you to take care of me, Sherlock" - said Mycroft almost shouting.

\- "Do you have any idea why I do it?" - Sherlock said in a low voice.

\- "You do not have to do it anymore ... I do not have to keep listening to you"-  Mycroft's breathing increased.

\- "Stop" - Sherlock put his hand on his brother's chest blocking his way - "No, we'll sit on the sofa, you and I will talk, as families do, do not you get tired of pretending that everything is fine?, this is how our parents raised us ... but me and you can change that vicious behavior ... "- Mycroft kept his eyes closed, without looking at his brother turn.

\- "What do you want me to tell you now? I do not remember, Sherlock, I do not know what happened ... do you want me to lie to you, right?" - Mycroft put his hand on his face with desperation, Sherlock looked at him angry, and he was.

\- "Mycroft, you were right after all, we have more in common than we thought ..." - Sherlock approached his older brother and stared at him, almost with contempt. _\- "Nobody deceives like an addict, your words" -_ Sherlock voice was soft, and like a dagger stuck in Mycroft's chest, his baby brother disappeared into the hallway and all that was heard was the door closing, Mycroft once again was sad and immobile, _\- "I'm sorry ... I'm really sorry, brother mine" -_ was all that almost inaudible from his mouth came out, but Sherlock was gone.

 

 

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long chapter, I hope you like it, thanks for your comments and I just wish you a Happy Wonderful New Year to everybody !! :D , much love , I'll be back soon.


	15. Mystery Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Beware the fury of a patient man.” ― John Dryden

**First day of autumn.**

 

Mycroft returned home that day, tired of the constant arguments between them, he was determined to distance himself from his baby brother for a while, it had only been 3 weeks, Sherlock who can't stop himself from making hurtful observations, sometimes a complete idiot, unable to deal with certain situations, he proposed himself to spy on his government official with the help of his vagrant friends and Lestrade, had completed his itinerary, Mycroft was a person of rituals, and almost as obsessively accurate as the Big Ben.

-7:30 Club Diogenes.

-9:30 Breakfasts with Lady Smallwood, Cabinet Office.

-13:00 lunch at The Greenhouse in Mayfair

-17:30 Walk to the Diogenes Club.

-19:30 Home.

Monday through Friday except Thursday when Mycroft spent all day in Sherrinford.

And no doubt the big brother knew people was followed him, every day, certainly this immature behavior from Sherlock did not bother him, there were days when one of the guest rooms the bed was unmade, by the way, Sherlock had slept there, and Mycroft was completely curious as his baby brother evaded the security of the place, it was Sherlock _\- I must tell him_ \- he sighed deeply as he thought about how he would tell to the detective everything about Eurus.

**I wait for you at 12pm,**

**activate the alarm when you leave,**

**there is a dinner in the oven, potatoes. M**

It was the note he left on the pillow next to a copy of house keys, they had not spoken in days, and certainly he missed Sherlock, the days spent time with his baby brother in Baker Street, had helped him understand how important Sherlock was in Mycroft´s life, although it is hard and painful for him explored his own feelings, Sherlock was certainly something like his best friend and unthinkingly that's how Mycroft felt it, he had somehow understood that he would have to give in, even if it was not his fault, to give in if he wanted to be near Sherlock. _\- Love -_ thought Mycroft, _\- I have never shown affection -_ it was something that the government official he felt guilty, and each day that passed he felt weaker and the symptoms only worsened _\- my time is running out_ \- thought while Mycroft leaned his tired body on the balcony of his room, he looked lost gaze at the wide garden of the great house _,- empty_ -, he imagine that this place would be a good garden for Rosie to play on it, he never thought about children and of course less children running around the house.

Sherlock shook his hair, the drizzle in London was intense, he looked at the end of the street two men dressed three-piece suit were standing by the entrance to the store, the detective smiled almost impatiently, his big brother was there.

 

\- "Sir!" - exclaimed one of the agents, and kindly opened the door, no doubt Sherlock was confused, it was a shop for women's clothing.

\- "Young man!" - said Mycroft feigning seriousness and put his arms tightly entangled.

\- "Brother mine, I see that you have take the hard decision at last, but I did not think that you would renovate your wardrobe so quickly, I see that Lady Bracknell has returned, I’m so…but so proud of you" - said Sherlock mockingly, while he took a high-heeled shoe from the counter.

\- "Don’t be silly ..." - said Mycroft looked at him with a smile - "I have a surprise, follow me" - Sherlock looked at him curiously.

At the end of the hallway of the elegant place was Molly sitting holding on one of her arms a beautiful blue silk dress,

\- "I do not know anything about dresses, Mycroft, but surely that color does not fit you!" - One of Sherlock's greatest pleasures was to annoy his big brother.

\- "Enough, Sherlock!" - Mycroft rolled his eyes exasperatingly.

\- "She's ready, Mycroft" - said Molly.

-"She? Who? Mycroft? Is she calling you Mycroft?" - Sherlock asked, confused, looking at his dear brother, as he put the hands around his waist.

\- "A long story" - added Molly with a smile, Sherlock looked at her curiously unable to understand at what point they had both become close friends.

\- "Mycroft, this is getting boring ... What are we doing here?" - Sherlock sat reluctantly like a child on the couch ignoring Molly completely.

Only a few seconds passed, Eurus came out from behind the curtains, Sherlock stopped instantly and Mycroft smiled nervously, she approached excitedly to greet the detective.

\- "My brother, how do I look?" - She said impatiently, Sherlock still surprised.

\- "Looks ... o ... okay ..." - Molly looked at Sherlock who was too nervous. Eurus wore a beautiful floral dress, thinking that in summer she might be at home.

\- "Beautiful, he mean" - said Molly subtly, Mycroft looked at Sherlock with curiosity, he did not seem to be upset at all and taking advantage of the opportunity.

\- "Dear brother, please, sit down, it's time to talk ..." - Mycroft indicated another sofa without preamble, Sherlock crossed the room and dropped his body again, even surprised, it was obvious that his big brother had something in mind - "I think I'll go straight to the point ... "Mycroft paused taking the glass of mineral water that was next to him, fixed his jacket and interlaced his legs, while nervously moving the umbrella with his left hand, Sherlock made a face, Mycroft looked as imposing and powerful as before, no doubt his big brother the last days had acquired the prominence of before. - "After being with our sister in our parents' house, I thought that it is time for Eurus to take the rightful place in our family, since I was the one who took away that privilege for years, it is fair that I give to our sister the opportunity again ... "- Sherlock looked surprised at Mycroft barely able to utter a word and Mycroft took his umbrella with force in his hands. - "Of course, we know it will be a long way but I trust that our sister controls her internal demons, it's all about trust, Sherlock" - he finally said looking sharply at his baby brother, the Sherlock's last words still hurt him, no doubt, Mycroft had returned, his illness was no obstacle to complete his purposes.

-"Sherly, we need to know what you think" - said Eurus looking with a slight smile at Molly, the detective stood up, he did not take long to deduce that his big brother was looking for a replacement, and the insidious way in which Mycroft planned the family matters did not stop bothering him, but Sherlock did not doubt that his big brother had good intentions this time, he finally smiled, he could take his sister home some day and Mycroft needed his help to achieve it.

\- "You're right ... it will be a long way home, Eurus" - said Sherlock and Mycroft relaxed his posture, took a deep breath, relieved.

 

The government official took his mobile phone, and walked to the window, with a smile almost malevolent and pleasant, he loved planning, he had always been a mastermind, with the support of Sherlock in his decision it was all he needed to hear, it would take one year at least the process, between therapies, psychiatric evaluations, develop the social aspect and finally, prepare your little sister to take his position in the British Government, Mycroft had used Eurus before in government matters, and also Sherlock had enemies who wanted to hurt him yet, it was too early to rule out Sherlock's protection, he knew that Eurus could take over without problems, and guarantee the protection of his family when he dies. The big brother smiled pleased once more, had put his affairs in order with his lawyer, his sister had made significant progress, and Sherlock was willing to help him _\- Nothing could ruin my day -_ he thought, the older brother watched them as they talked with Molly, his sister looked really normal person, unusually sociable, in her way, the Eurus´s mask, a naturally necessary performance.

 

\- "Myke, do you have an appointment tonight?" - Sherlock asked.

\- "If of course my agenda is full, but I can make a space to you at the end of the list" - said Mycroft sarcastically.

\- "I'll wait for you then for dinner, at the usual time and if you want you can stay ..." - Sherlock jumped at the old cedar table, which was next to Mycroft, after a few seconds the detective could not avoid inspecting to his older brother - "How did you feel?" –

\- "For god sake Sherlock!, I knew you could not resist ..." - said Mycroft smiling.

\- "Evasion ... interesting" - Sherlock looked at him sharply.

\- "I'm fine Sherlock ... do not think about me, Eurus is our concern now" - Mycroft added hesitantly and Sherlock made a face with his mouth.

\- "Well, brother dear, now… we can be the happy family that we have never been" - nimbly Sherlock stepped off the table and tenderly kissed his sister's cheek, putting on his black gloves and slowly approached Mycroft - "John and I have a new case, just outside of London, it's likely that take me a little time ... Myke "- Sherlock slowly raised his eyes, he knew he was lying, but he was so close to catching Mycroft's enemy that he would only lie to him one more time _\- just one last time_ \- Sherlock thought -" So …could you…"-

\- _"_ Let me bring the dinner _"_. - interrupted Mycroft.

\- "Precisely, I trusted you would say that" - said Sherlock with a smile and patted Mycroft on the shoulder.

\- "The same as always?" - Mycroft asked swinging in his umbrella.

\- "The same as always" - said softly Sherlock, fix his coat and began to walk, Mycroft had always feared the consequences, had always feared that Sherlock something happened to him, since small Sherlock was too confident with himself.

\- "Take care, please?, brother mine... also, I miss…you" - said Mycroft, his statement was soft, Sherlock could hear it but did not stop or look back, he lost once more at the end of the corridor without saying anything.

 

After the trip to Sherrinford, Mycroft approached the countertop with the best bottle of white wine he found, besides Mycroft felt that today they should celebrate, the big brother was unusually happy _\- Surely John will be there, I hope he likes french wine -_ he thought Mycroft, with both hands busy with shopping packages, started walking down Baker Street. It was after 6 pm and it was already getting dark, it was a nice afternoon, the sky was a deep red and violet, the leaves of the jacarandas were faintly brown and it was only a matter of time before they turned red. Mycroft stood in front of the 221B, instinctively corrected the door handle as usual and just knocked, the door squeaked and opened slowly, the government official pushed with his left foot the door, the place was completely dark and silent, - "Sherlock, do you come or not ?, I cannot climb the stair up with this alone!" - said Mycroft annoyed, but there was no reply, he sighed deeply, Sherlock had not arrived yet, he left the bags on the floor and when he was getting ready to take off his green scarf, he heard a loud moan come from Mrs. Hudson's room, Mycroft got scared, took his umbrella, and the signs were there, there was a broken vase in the corner next to the staircase, the big brother pulled out the umbrella and once again the brightness illuminated a part of the wall, entered stealthily, he hid the sword on his back and took a slight breath, his heartbeat elevate, his body sweat.  


A familiar figure at the end of the room, that was all, Mrs. Hudson sobbed in anguish, tied tightly with a rope to the chair, her mouth had been gagged, her tears fell down her cheek and there were slight wounds on her face, Mycroft had seen this scene on another opportunity, carefully cut the bonds, the sword still retained the edge intact, his breathing was agitated and closed his eyes for a moment trying to control himself, he looked at Mrs. Hudson and gently removed the cloth from her mouth, the woman had been beaten, the big brother felt a deep rage, with his handkerchief clean her wounds, Mrs. Hudson did not stop crying.

 

\- "What happened?" - demanded Mycroft in a soft voice. Mrs. Hudson, the hand touched her bruised face.

\- "Outside there was two men ... one of them wore Sherlock's coat, so ..." - _\- It was obvious, she let them in -_ he thought, he could not blame her, Mycroft took his mobile phone and called his baby brother, desperately he brought the hand to his chest, but not there was an answer, he closed his eyes, he had logic, Sherlock had got into trouble. - "They left a note ..." - Mrs. Hudson spoke softly. The note was not more than a paper and written in it with a red pencil _\- Call me at 7 pm_ \- next to it a small photo of Mycroft and Sherlock when they were children, the picture of the Sherlock's night table, the big brother wrinkled the paper with his hand, anger and worry flooded his mind, Sherlock had many enemies, Mycroft had known them, each one of them, and mostly psychotic, he  had always prevented them from getting close enough to his little brother, if this had happened it was obvious that Sherlock had lied to him and what It was worse, Sherlock had secrets.

Mycroft climbed as fast as he could to the stair, the place was intact, the men had not come looking for something from Sherlock, the message had been simple, Mrs. Hudson was only the first of the victims, no doubt there would be more, Mycroft searched between the things of Sherlock without result, he look at the papers of the wall that his brother always placed of the cases, but there was nothing there, nothing unusual, absolutely nothing, the government official frustrated looked at his pocket watch only 45 minutes were missing, over and over again he reviewed the events in his mind, everything was normal, there was no word or a strange fact, just ... the strange behavior of his baby brother, the obsessive concern of Sherlock for him, Mycroft anguished took the dagger that was stuck on top of the fireplace and dropped on the couch of Sherlock waiting for the moment. The place was silent once again, Mrs. Hudson was taken to Molly's house, where Rosie was, agents of MI5 would guard the place, without news from John, Mycroft presumed more relieved that Sherlock would be fine, Dr. Watson, no doubt, and he will protect his little brother.

 

\- "Mr. Holmes ... "- said the voice low, but subtly sarcastic, Mycroft could hear the man's breathing. - "I'm afraid I've waited too long for this moment ... the devil inside of me ... you understand what I'm talking about" - Mycroft tightened his phone with his fingers.

\- "If you touch my brother ... I'll k ..." - his eyes lit up slightly in the darkness.

\- "No, No, No, Mr. Holmes, you aren't in a position to make threats ... no more ..." - Suddenly he heard a scream that seemed to be from Sherlock and Mycroft put a hand to his mouth - "you see!! What you causes with your words, Mr. Holmes? just pain, pain and pain ...you will cause Dr. Watson and your little brother to die." - and a soft laugh was heard through the headset.

\- "What do you want?" - Mycroft's voice reflected his inner hatred.

\- "That's Mr. Holmes ... is the correct question ... Do you remember?" - He heard as if they had left the receiver on the table, then, Mycroft heard the heartrending cries of John, impatient and desperate without being able to do anything and he walk to the window.

-“WHAT DO YOU WANT??!”- Mycroft yelled uncontrollably and has to gasp a breath.

\- "I want pain, I want agony, Mr. Holmes, and I want to see you beg me... I want you" - Mycroft's fear increased - "We have much more in common than you think, I'll wait for you in Musgrave at midnight, it's know for some people here, you like it to see the moon, red moon when your hands are dripping with blood and Mr. Holmes, one more thing ... "- Mycroft listened as if the man hit the ground with a whip and then continued. - "I see another car or helicopter I will blow up the brains of your little brother, I see another man I will blow up the brains of your little brother, anything that I dislike I will blow up the brains of your little brother ... I would like to continue talking to you, Mr. Holmes ... but I must stab the hands of Dr. Watson at the table ... the man is too restless ... "- said the voice laughing macabrely, and then he just hung up.

Mycroft put his hands to his face, completely desperate and full of anger, he took Sherlock's skull and threw it against the wall, the thing was shattered, he threw all the papers his brother had over the fireplace, the government official's anger ran through his veins, but his breathing became difficult and a slight pain in his chest made him stop, he sat on the couch again and afflicted put another pill under his tongue, Mycroft knew he needed to calm down, and only think, plan and execute, as always, it was the best thing he knew how to do, but once more there were disadvantages, Sherlock and his health, he needed help in case all his plans failed, he looked at his pocket watch, Mycroft only had a couple of hours, and he could only think of only one man who could help him, Sherlock had always trusted him.

 

\- "Gregory?" - Without hesitation and sure of himself, Mycroft looked out the window.

\- "Mycroft, it's nice to talk to you ..." - said Lestrade cheerfully.

\- "Not now, Gregory, I need you to go to my house alone ... you enter through the backyard" - ordered Mycroft - "I'll be there" - that's all Mycroft said and then hung up, Lestrade put on his shirt, knew that something had happened, Mycroft's voice was somewhat worried, it was possible that Sherlock had got into trouble.

 

Mycroft still sitting on his brother's sofa took his umbrella, his hands trembled, closed his eyes, the government official had dealt with it so many times in his mind, that one day he would have to protect his little brother with his life, and he was sure that he would not return, too many bad decisions, it was the price after all and he knew it. The older brother take the photo of both that he kept in his pocket, that summer day, both in the fountain, just playing, he smiled nostalgically, thinking that maybe everything could have been different, so different from the life they knew until now, without thinking he took the pen and wrote on the back of the photo _\- I told you that ..._ _I'll_ _always_ _be there for_ _you_ _-_ The big brother could not help it, his eyes got wet, he took his umbrella, and Mycroft just started down the stairs, leaving behind his pen and photo on the table.

 

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	16. A Tale of Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster. And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee." - Nietzsche

**4 hours before.**

 

\- "Sherlock, let's try it one more time, please" - The tall man pulled the adhesive covering the detective's mouth, a small moan came from Sherlock's throat and a smile of pleasure was drawn on the man's face.

\- "Try ... try ... try ... what?" - asked somewhat confused Sherlock, breathing hard, John who was at his side, both tied to chairs, he looked at him with concern.

\- "Why is the most famous detective in all of England here?" - Sherlock could only see through the balaclava, the blue and bright eyes, the man took a chair and sat down in front of the two friends, with his hands the man played with the sharp dagger.

 

Musgrave despite the years still remained intact the penetrable smell of moldy and burned wood, the place seemed to collapse at any time, Sherlock without responding looked around, did not recognize the place, the last thing he remembered was having entered a shed, a shed southwest of London, he tried in vain to get away, hopelessly, he felt the plastic ties on his wrists, tight and each movement caused him intense pain.

 

\- "Come on, Sherlock, focus!" - The younger brother looked quickly at the man, still dizzy, he had been drugged. _\- John -_ was his first thought, in the darkness the detective turned his head and John was visibly hurt, the blood ran down his face.

\- "Who are you?" - Sherlock asked disoriented and his mouth, he felt the metallic taste of blood.

\- "No, No, again, wrong question, I'm beginning to believe that you, the Holmes brothers are just as stupid" - Sherlock remembered the case, the shed, the messages, and the enemy of Mycroft.

\- "Where is Mycroft?" - Sherlock asked again, agitated.

\- "Close enough, Sherlock start to think that your deductive skills are tales for children" - said the man once again, Sherlock had hair on his face, a small oil lamp illuminated the place, two men at the door, the place had no windows and the cold wind penetrated every corner of the place. - "I think you need help" - The man with his hand cleared the hair from Sherlock's face - "You cannot imagine how many years I have waited for this moment ..." - The man with the balaclava began to caress Sherlock's face and approached the ear, with a whisper - "Do you remember me?" - Sherlock could feel the man's breathing on his skin, the man put his hand on Sherlock's neck, strangle him subtly, the detective tried to control himself and in a deranged act the man began to lick the ear, Sherlock closed his eyes and without thinking using his forehead hit hard on the man's face causing him to lose his balance and fall into the damp floor.

The only thing that Sherlock could see was the brightness of the blade and the cold metal in his neck, the mysterious man pulled Sherlock's hair, he was ready - "Bad decision, Sherlock, bad decision" - said the man who was panting while bleeding profusely by his nose, - "Every attempt, every complaint, anything, John will pay for it" - and without thinking the tall man turned to Dr. Watson and buried the dagger in John's shoulder.

\- "No, stop, please stop!" - Said Sherlock desperate, while John moaned in pain, the man sat down again - "What do you want?" - said Sherlock in anguish, they had never been in this situation before, never before, agitated and drugged, he tried to think and gather in his confused mind any clue or indication, but it was useless, Sherlock was unable to understand, where he got lost.

\- "That's the right question ... the human being strangely responds to the pain, as a incentive in the future I'll leave the dagger stuck in the shoulder of your new friend" - John raised his face slightly to see the man's eyes, and this one smiled once more, slowly he tilted and with hatred looked at Sherlock - "Can I play with your brother's heart?" - Sherlock couldn't speak, the man was the enemy of Mycroft, and was the man of messages. - "Then ... Who am I?" - He said sarcastically. Sherlock ducked his head, and glanced at John.

\- "You are another common criminal that only seeks to attract the attention of Mycroft" - Holmes said indifferently, the man turned to look at his accomplices and they began to laugh, this got confused to him, even more.

\- "You disappoint me, Sherlock" - without compassion the man took the handle of the dagger and he moved it back and forth,.

-“Stop….just…sto…!”- John shouted in agony.

\- "Shhhh! Don't move, 'cause this will hurt you more and more"- he said in John's ear, then put his hands on Sherlock's shoulders -" This is the game Sherlock, I know you like to play with the people, for every bad answer I will bury the dagger in the shoulder of your new friend ... more and more and more, as deep as I can, this have 30 cm of blade ...you do the math, you are the genius, I leave you with the calculation ... while I entertain myself with you new friend... "- the man dropped in the chair while pulling out an apple of his pocket, Sherlock was pale and perspiring profusely, John had momentarily lost consciousness and knew he was losing too much blood, it was a matter of time. He quickly assessed the situation, the place was familiar to him, no doubt if there were 3 men there who want Mycroft, maybe they belonged to an organized crime gang, spies or hired assassins.

\- "You are spies of some government, and want information from my brother" - The man shook his head, from his pocket took a napkin, wrapped the apple again and placed it back in his pocket, slowly took a partially burned wood from the floor . - "Do not do it please!" - pleaded Sherlock, without listening to him the man hit the dagger in John's shoulder as if it were a damn nail, John yelled desperately and dropped his head back, moaning in pain and blood began to cover his white shirt.

\- "Sherlock ..." - John called his friend between the pains, his breathing was difficult.

\- "Wow Sherlock Holmes, you know how to plead after all! ... but when it really should have mattered, the most famous detective in all of England forgot it, now it's too late" - The mysterious man took John by the hair and dropped his head sharply. - "Your friend looks really bad ... I think he needs a doctor ... and the funny thing in this is that he know he is dying slowly...because he is a bloody doctor" - said the man laughing.

\- "I need time, I need to think, I need clues!" - said Sherlock desperate.

-"Time? Sherlock Holmes, You've had all your life to remember ... but instead you hid in the dark, while I waited all this time for an explanation, I fed you with everything you needed it, heroin, cocaine and morphine"- Sherlock looked at him surprised. –“Yes, Sherlock, I gave you that darkness you were looking for, I’m your greatest mentor" - the mysterious man raised his arms - "Look at this place! This is where you started, while I saw how weak you were, your big brother tried to protect you of your biggest nightmare "- the man pounced and stared at Sherlock in the eye.”Look at me, who am I, Sherlock?!" - The man shouted so loud that he heard himself all over the place. Sherlock could not think, unable to solve the puzzle, the web was becoming more and more tangled before his eyes. - "Sherlock, you need a clue" - the tall man turned and made a gesture with his head, one of his henchmen disappeared into the darkness. The next thing that would come was unexpected even for Sherlock himself, a familiar figure appeared between the shadows, the tall man removed the bag from the head of his new victim, - "Here, your clue, Sherlock" - with his hands tied behind his back, he could barely lift his gaze - "Bill Wiggins, this is Sherlock ..." - the man smiled macabrely, - "Sherlock Holmes this is Bill Wiggins" -

\- "Sherlock, I ... I'm sorry" - Bill said hardly, the mysterious man with his left foot hit Bill's stomach. John closed his eyes, he knew what was coming.

\- "You will speak when I tell you!" - Said the man - "and Well, Sherlock?" - The consulting detective could not look at Wiggins as he writhed in pain on the floor.

\- "We already know each other ..." - Sherlock said, his eyes blinking rapidly while he searched deep into his memory bank.

\- "for god sake, Sherlock!, I thought you were smarter, you're losing control on this" - the mysterious man pulled Bill's hair and this one scream of pain - "Billy, my boy, it's time for confession" - Wiggins, he got on his knees and breathed deeply, his face was almost disfigured by the blows and his eyes were of deep sadness. - "Come on, do not be shy, Billy Boy!" - the tall man said sarcastically.

\- "17 years ago, the first time we met in that alley was not coincidence, Sherlock" - Wiggins breathing was difficult - "Nothing was coincidence, I was sent ... to monitor you and get the most information from you ..." - Sherlock opened his eyes with surprise. - "but above all of your family ... I ... did not want to drug your brother the other night, I never wanted to hurt him ... I'm sorry Sherlock really sorry" - Billy said between sobs.

\- "what?" - said Sherlock without understanding, but John looked at his best friend understanding what had really happened.

\- "It's time, makes your goodbyes ... You were very faithful, Billy Boy" - the tall man said as he took out the gun and pointed at Billy's head.

\- "I'm ..." - Billy Wiggins did not finish the sentence when the man squeezed the trigger mercilessly and parts of his brain were spreaded on the stone wall, Billy's body fell to the cold ground, and a pool of blood around the body was formed it, John ducked his head and Sherlock couldn't believe what was happening before his eyes, nor with Moriarty had come so far, Sherlock had no control, he never had.

\- " _Divide et Vinces_!" - exclaimed, the man approached to Sherlock, while the two men dragged Billy's body to the end of the basement, leaving a path of blood between them. - "Do you know what it means, Sherlock?"

\- "Divide and conquer" - replied Sherlock unable to recover yet from the shock.

\- "While you and Mycroft continued their discussions, Billy helped me drug Mycroft, I made a little visit to his house, I remember that the poor man could barely breathe, the queen's man, or the queen herself, it is a mystery yet, but he is so weak, the most powerful man in England, he was so exposed, and as a play we set up our stage, attempted suicide, we knew that you would doubt your own big brother, we knew you would not trust him, and in all that time you were not together we planned this, _Divide et Vinces! Julius Ceasar_ was a very wise man, indeed!"-

 

The ritual was almost macabre, even for him, but it was necessary, Musgrave Ritual, it had meaning for him, it made sense, on top of his bed completely in order, there was a pair of black gloves, a rope, his umbrella, a _Glock_ , semi- _automatic_ , _9mm_ , with two magazine and silencer, Mycroft preferred discretion always , his black clothes, the same one he had used for his murders, - _it's know for some people here, you like it to see the moon, red moon when your hands are dripping with blood and Mr. Holmes -_ again and over again that phrase ran through his mind, it was obvious, some relative or friend of the three men he had murdered, they wanted his revenge, and Mycroft knew he deserved it, he deserved to die, with his eyes closed and his hand on his chest could feeling every beat of his heart, he was excited he couldn’t deny it, it was contradictory, his concern for Sherlock but his excitement to release his darkness once again, he would not hesitate, it would be a quick death for the man behind this, but the government official fantasized about the possibility that if the man had tortured Sherlock would be slow as slow as possible, and enjoy the process as a few months ago, Mycroft knew he would enjoy it.

 

All the pieces of the chessboard had been set in motion, even he would not trust anyone else to save his little brother, as he did when he rescued him in Serbia, it was a personal matter, Lestrade was already in position, Mycroft is sitting at the big table in his house the big brother looked at the clock once again, 10:45 pm, he regretted not having a glass of whiskey near his hand and a cigar, that was all he would have wanted, the clock it sounded 11:00 pm, Mycroft was ready, to finish with everything he had built so far, this time he was willing to leave no loose ends, with the rucksack on his back, he put the hood on his head, his eyes darkened and a smile was drawn on his face, without looking back, without saying goodbye, closed the door of his house for the last time.

 

\- "Musgrave!, we are in Musgrave!" - Sherlock looked at the place, a table in the corner, and a small line where his mother tended clothes in winter, it could not be another place, it had to be, the past once again caught him and Sherlock hoped that this was not another his sister's idea or another Mycroft's lie, the detective sensed that this would not have a good ending, looked again and again at John, his friend bravely resisted the pain every minute, it had been two or three hours since the murder of Billy Wiggins and Sherlock feared that the next victim was John or Mycroft, he did not want to choose, not again, Sherlock could not choose between the two most important men of his life, it was unimaginable to the detective.

\- "I think we are progressing at last, Sherlock ..." - the mysterious man raised both hands looking around - "I liked this place, I always loved it ..." - one of the accomplices interrupted the man, spoke under his ear, he made a gesture with his hand, and both accomplices disappeared into the darkness, Sherlock deduced that someone was approaching to Musgrave and really expected Mycroft to be with the cavalry outside, MI5, it had always been effective in these cases. - "I think it's time for the final scene, this is where the curtain drops, where the lies come out and finally you'll see, Sherlock, who was your worst enemy." - The tall man took out a cigarette and lit it. - " _Mycroft_ , _Musgrave_ ... they are names that have haunted me all my life ... and now, Sherrinford." - The man turned and looked at Sherlock - "Who am I, Sherlock?" - He asks almost with indulgence, almost as if he wants to hear his own name in the air.

 

39 years had passed, the old cottage with those medieval stones still stood regardless of the inclement passage of time, the trees were bigger than he remembered, the grass was as tall as usual, like a painting the moon was above the small hill, where the three siblings frequented when they played, Musgrave, barely held in its foundations, it was a place where all the Mycroft’s feelings mixed leaving a void in his soul, fear, frustration, loneliness, injustice, all that what the big brother left behind once had to face again. Mycroft looked at the building, four stories, a basement and three upper floors, no light could be seen, it was obvious Sherlock was in the basement, so it would be harder to get in, he knew they waiting for him, Mycroft knew he was being hunted, the gun, he adjusted the silencer _\- Just point to the head and pull the trigger -_ Mycroft remembered Gregory's words, it seemed easy, only in theory, and he knew it, ran slowly the clip and saw that the first bullet passed, he check his pocket and there was his medicine bottle, the big brother just take a deep breath, the control was all he needed, he adjust the hat on his head, as so many other times it was part of the ritual, it was inevitable, his eyes were so dark as the same night, Mycroft was ready.

 

For each step the old wood creaked under his feet, he slowly leaned against the burnt wall, and Mycroft closed his eyes, the anxiety in his breathing increased, he did not have to be too stupid, it was obvious to the big brother, he had give away his position and it was a matter of time, he look at the ceiling and it could see the upper floors, parts of the structure of the old building had fallen, the government official come in into the kitchen by the same place where he took to Sherlock that infamous night, he remained silent remembering that moment, but only lasted a few seconds, the creak of the wood sounding in the continuous room he interrupted him, he was not alone, he quickly placed himself in one of the corners of the kitchen, the darkest place and Mycroft only observed, a man with a balaclava entered the kitchen with a sickle in his right hand and in the other a pistol, Mycroft raised the gun up to his sight and a slight smile was drawn on his face, it was the moment, he slowly came out of the darkness, the man was front of him, he only had to pull the trigger, but it wasn’t exciting enough to the government official, -"were you looking for me?"- his voice like a whisper came to the ear of the man who turned quickly raising with his arm the sickle, the blow went straight to the neck of Mycroft, but it was too late the bullet had left the barrel and make a hole in the skull of the man, before this one could give the blow, the man body fell in the damp wood, Mycroft approached the inert copse, checked all the pockets but there was nothing there, no ID, he stayed a moment watching almost fascinated as the blood came out of the man's head, but Mycroft ignored that he was being observed by a second man from the top floor.

Dragging the body to the darkness, Mycroft ignored how many men were waiting for him, and somehow he felt confident that this would be simpler than he had thought, walked to the door that separated the kitchen from the dining room, between both places there was a small corridor, he stopped for a moment and with his hand clean the soot on the wall by the door, still remained the marks intact, the Sherlock's heights, every year the big brother had to measured him, Mycroft recalled nostalgic how anxious was Sherlock to grow up and be older someday, _-_ _Well, be careful what you wish for. –_ Mycroft told him, he was just a child, a very emotional child but Eurus of course never participated in these activities, it seemed to her useless and unnecessary, the older brother pampered two both the best he could, Mycroft was like the bridge between them and he felt he had failed in every way possible – _“When did we get lost, dear siblings?” -_ His voice was almost inaudible and deeply sad, but now he had a valuable opportunity to reunite both brothers as he should have been and was not willing to fail again. Mycroft walked down the hall without taking his hand off the wall, as if he were a ghost, as if he were part of the past, the silence of the place was almost a peace in his mind, with the gun in his right hand he pointed to every corner of the place, but as he went into Musgrave the darkness began to be more intense, this did not bother him, only his vision was deceived by shadows, like images of his past, every corner of the old cottage was a painful story, like shadows of his past that awaited him to recapitulate what he had forgotten.

 

Mycroft made the same walk that night, when he took Sherlock on his arms, trying escape from the flames, but in the opposite direction, the heart of the big brother began to beat strongly in his chest, he leaned a moment on the staircase, the memories harassed him and he began to feel the weight of his decisions on his shoulders and an anguish oppressed his chest, Mycroft sighed deeply, but this was in vain all intention to control himself, from one moment to another a knife flew through the air, Mycroft blocked it, slicing his arm slightly, Mycroft he completely scared raised the weapon but the second man came out from the darkness giving him a blow to the face, the big brother got hold on to the ladder, began to bleed profusely through the mouth, Mycroft try once more to shoot but the man took his arm and pushed him against the wall. Mycroft did not have the strength to contain the man, two more blows on his face made him fall to the ground almost unconscious, the big brother could the metallic taste of his own blood, the man kicked the gun far away and walked toward the staircase, he took out the knife that had been embedded in the burned wood.

 

\- "This is for my friend, only you and me now" - said the man, throwing the knife at Mycroft's feet, he knew he had no chance, that maybe his time had come, but unlike the man, Mycroft had been willing to die decades ago. Gasping anxiously, the older brother took the knife and slowly got to his feet. Mycroft bowed his head and closing his eyes he could only hear the beating of his heart, and he only remembered Sherlock, while the man was pouncing on him holding the knife that the blow went straight to his stomach. Mycroft turned quickly dodging the knife, a hand to hand fight was not what he expected, he only had one chance but he needed the man to get as close as possible, the man pounced once again on Mycroft but this time he wasn’t so fast, the government official moaned in pain and placed his hand quickly on his side. -"Come on! It was just a scratch ... I'm having fun with you, Mr. Holmes "- said the man, Mycroft could see the blood in his hand, the man was right it had only been a cut, his breathing was increasing and he could feel his heart trying to come out of his throat, Mycroft leaned on the wall, this time he would not wait, it was only a few seconds and he got to anticipate the movement of the man, the government official took with his left hand the blade of the man's knife, it was something he did not expect, Mycroft could see the man's surprised eyes while he felt the blade cutting deeply into his hand, and before the man with balaclava could react Mycroft stabbed the knife in the man's back puncture a lung, almost instantly the man fell on his knees, Mycroft knew it was a lethal, slow but lethal blow, he do not wait, he could not wait, he took his umbrella, looked at the shine once more reflected on the floor, pulled back the man's hair exposing all the throat.

\- "Where ... are they?" - Mycroft asked breathing hard, but the man did not answer, Mycroft buried the blade in the man's throat. - "Where?!" - asked one last time, but there was only silence and the big brother's eyes darkened, without compassion, Mycroft began to slowly move the sword by the neck of the man, the screams of despair were echoed by all Musgrave, the man tried to fight while he was drowning with his own blood, Mycroft could feel the sword breaking through the throat, after a few seconds there was nothing but silence again, and Mycroft looked with a lost expression the puddle of blood It formed around him, while the man left the last breath of life on the floor.

 

Blood dripped from his hands, he was not sure if it was from him or that man lying limp on the floor, Mycroft smiled pleasantly for a moment, a small moment, he was completely tired and  walk to the wall, leaning on it, he checked at his wounds, the left hand was completely unusable, the cut had reached the bones, the wound was brutal, but for some reason Mycroft felt no pain, the wound in his side was still bleeding, _\- sure, I need some suture –_ thought, After a few seconds he began to laugh, he knew he would not resist another fight, the future for him was uncertain, still unable to catch his breath, Mycroft had gasparing respiration and his heartbeat increased drastically, he knew that this couldn't be a something good and his doctor had warned him about these symptoms, Mycroft was resigned that at any moment he would collapse, in spite of this, the older brother began to walk, only by will and love, was his only purpose, to find Sherlock.

 

\- " _Sherrinford_ , _Mycroft_ and _Musgrave_ ... three words ..." - the man's eyes shone in the darkness, with his whip in the hand, began to walk behind the two friends who were still tied to their chairs - "Who am I, Sherlock?”- the mysterious man asked once more and Sherlock closed his eyes when he heard the whip hit the wall, John perspired profusely and barely resisted the pain in his shoulder, his breathing had increased, he had lost too much blood - "Incentive, Sherlock, you need incentives"- only heard in the air as the whip quickly adhered to John's neck and the man began to pull it tightly, John struggled uselessly, his face turned red and he was slowly suffocating.

\- "Stop, stop!" - The consulting detective begged again, incapacitated, useless without being able to help John - "I will do whatever you want, just stop this madness!" - Sherlock was desperate, completely lost, scared without being able to think, the game had gone too far.

\- "How to kill your older brother so that John lives?" - said the man, the detective closed his eyes, this could not be happening again. "How in Sherrinford, Sherlock, when your brave, stupid big brother was willing his life?" - The tall man released the whip from John's neck. - "Tell me, why did he do it?" - asked the man curiously.

\- "Is that what you want to know?, is that why you do this to us?" - said Sherlock looking at John completely worried.

\- "and here we go ... the curtain dropped, the first word is: _Sherrinford_ ..." - said the tall man as he sat once more in the chair. Sherlock looked up, unable to understand.

\- "My brother offered his life for John because ... I ... had to choose between him or John" - the detective responded quickly.

\- "Who forced you to choose, Sherlock?" - The man stood up completely anxious.

\- "My sister, Eurus" - said Sherlock with a voice almost inaudible, it was logical that the man in front of him he know this fact.

\- "This is a bloody miracle!" - exclaimed mocking. Sherlock looked at him confused and the man squatted next to the younger brother and looked at him - "That's why you're here" - quickly drew the dagger from John's shoulder as he coughing in pain. - "Eurus Holmes ..." - said the thoughtful man, John bled profusely from the wound in his shoulder; Sherlock completely frustrated trying to untie the ties without being able to achieve it. - "For over 30 years Mycroft deceived us, what do you think about that, Sherlock?" - asked the man looking at the end of the basement, it was a matter of time for Mycroft or one of his accomplices to appear between the shadows.

\- "Us?" - His voice was intense; the man looked and only smiled.

\- " _Musgrave_ , the second word of our act ... where we are" - the man looked at John inquisitively ignoring Sherlock's question and continued - "But not as important as the last word ... _Mycroft_ " -the man sat uneasily, knew that the end was approaching - "I always thought that these was funny names, Eurus, Sherlock and Mycroft" –

\- "What are you talking about?" - said Sherlock confused beginning to understand the puzzle in front of his eyes.

\- " _Mycroft_ ... the omnipresent brother, your guardian, Sherlock ..., the last word and the center of your puzzle" - the clean man in his arm the dagger stained with blood. - "You and me, we know that Mycroft is much more than that" - the mysterious man stood up and stood before Sherlock - "Your older brother is a criminal mastermind, an insane artist, an obsessive of control, a brilliant manipulator and now recently his last hobby ... serial killer ... "- The man hid the dagger in the pocket of his jacket, and continued -" have you ever asked yourself, Sherlock; Why did Magnussen have information about the Mary Watson's past? or Why did he have a connection with Moriarty and Culverton Smith?... Mutual friends, maybe, Sherlock? ... “- Sherlock closed his eyes, the doubts flooded his mind again. –“Power is like a drug in men, turning them into demons, and sometimes they are the worst view of themselves, their worst nightmare, and their own enemy” -John ducked his head, he could see what was happening  -“I know very well, to that view, that nightmare and that enemy, I know him.”- The man said almost with the tranquility of someone resigned, waiting for the inevitable context.

\- "Who are you?!!" - screams in anguish.

\- "Answer this and you will know ... Why Mycroft hidden to you the truth about Eurus for so many years?" - said the man approaching again. –“What did Mycroft's fear most, loose his reputation, loose his family?” -

\- "Do not answer, Sherlock" - John said in a trembling voice.

\- "Lies, he have lied us for years, Sherlock, and you still don't wake up" - said the man shouting and breathing agitatedly, Sherlock could see the anger in his eyes.

\- "Mycroft hidden her from you" - the man finally smiled, and Sherlock seemed to understand the dramatic ending.

\- "Exactly, but not just that, Mycroft and his damn obsession to protect you, too cunning but at the same time too weak" - the mysterious man turned slowly looking at the end of the basement - "I always believed that the Holmes siblings had funny names, but our parents played with our names ... Julius and Lucius ... they sounded similar, do not you think? "- the man sighed deeply -" Who am I, Sherlock?, you forgot so much that you cannot remember me"- John looked at Sherlock.

\- " _Mycroft’s been lying to you; to both of us_." - John said and the man smiled maliciously.

\- "What are you talking about, John?" - said Sherlock confused once looking at John who looks more weakened.

\- "Sherlock, _It is never twins_ ... that’s what Mycroft told you" - said John, breathing hard.

\- "Exactly, _it is never twins_ , John" - repeated the surprised detective.

\- "Your new friend, he is smarter than you, Sherlock" - the tall man ducked his head and took off his balaclava, both friends looked at each other expectantly - "My father found it funny to call us; Víctor Lucius and Víctor Juluis ... just to annoy my mother, just a stupid word game "- and he sighed deeply.

\- "Trevor? ... It cannot be possible, Trevor? ... _it is never twins_ , I would remember you...Mycroft...Myc" - Sherlock felt his heart stop and he turned pale, John looked at his friend with concern.

\- "I loved playing among these walls, Musgrave, I never imagined that my brother would die here, Mycroft deceived us with the death of Eurus just to protect her, avoid some intervention, that's why he lied to you too, he knew that I would try to kill her, for years he gave us large amounts of money so that our family wouldn't talk about the my brother's disappearance in any newspaper, my parents died without being able to bury their own son, until the last day, Mycroft didn't show any remorse for his lies, no apologies, he is a damn iceman "- the man turned slowly -" Who am I, Sherlock? ... I’m Victor Juluis Trevor "- Sherlock could see the coppery hair and light eyes.

\- "I'm sorry...we can ... if only ..." - Sherlock said in a jumble of words, completely in shock.

\- "Can we what, Sherlock? This is said by the man who had everything in his life, Mycroft, he was always with you, always your big brother was stand by you, I watched him all these years the way he looked after you, every time he went to look for you in a bloody alley where you used go for drug , however I didn't have anyone, Sherlock, your family took me away the possibility of having a life with my brother ... when I found out that your sister is alive and that she had killed my brother, after Sherrinford, always I suspect it ... it's something I owe to Billy Wiggins" - Victor approached Sherlock – "Today I'm not here to be your friend, I don't want to your money, I'm here to take away the same what one day your sister, Eurus, she snatched me" - Victor stared at Sherlock with the deepest hatred. - "Today you will witness the death of your big brother and you will not be able to do anything to avoid it, Sherlock, that's what I want, I want to tear off the Mycroft's heart with my own hands and show it to you" - said Victor laughing macabrely. the little brother breathed hard, he was desperate and began to pull his hands, the plastic burned his skin, his wrists began to bleed, John looked at the end of the basement and a familiar figure walked slowly between in the shadows and darkness, John scared, he looked at Sherlock.

\- "Sherlock? Sherlock? "- almost whispering John warned Sherlock, who looked up, Victor smiled, the moment had come.

\- " _The big brother who still lives... come to die_ " - Victor said anxiously and holding the dagger firmly in his right hand, he was ready.

 

**********************************************************


	17. A tale of us: you owe me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It doesn't take a lot of strength to hang on. It takes a lot of strength to let go" - J.C. Watts

**_Sherlock: "... Norbury ..." - Sherlock's voice was less confident every minute that time pass it._ **

**_Therapist: "Norbury? Is it a place, Sherlock?" - asked the woman with curiosity, the detective looked at her almost distracted, he takes a few seconds to respond to her._ **

**_Sherlock: "Yes, a place that is just on my mind ..." - the therapist left the pencil on the small table._ **

**_Therapist: "Sherlock ... why have you come?" – Ella Thompson said in a soft and forgiving voice._ **

**_Sherlock: "Because John thought it was a good idea ... he is annoying man, he's always right" - The woman looked towards the window without saying a word, the younger brother kept looking at the floor -"The truth is ... although it seems unlikely ... I'm not fine ...”-_ **

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A small wooden staircase was all that separated the two brothers, Mycroft looked at the dim light that came from the place, the basement was the place of his biggest nightmares, Eurus had fun hiding among knick-knack stored and full of dust, just to scare him, Mycroft then ignored that behind those games there was a simple and evil plan, it was his little sister, How could he think that she wanted to hurt Sherlock?, Mycroft, not only ignored all indications, denied himself the possibility of any threat, it was a responsibility that he held for years on his shoulders. Leaning on the wall began to descend leaving a mark of blood with each step he took, between the pillars that barely held the place were four oil lamps, the big brother could distinguish John, Sherlock, and a man with them.

 

Mycroft sighed deeply to see that both were alive, there was an opportunity and trusting that his little brother would be fine, he started walking, the older brother did not feel fear and there was only in his mind the need to protect Sherlock, one last time, in the darkness he felt good, strangely protected, Sherlock looked up and although he could not see him, Mycroft was looking at him too.

 

\- "The big brother who still lives... comes to die" - Victor exclaimed.

Sherlock tugged even harder the zip tie but every attempt was useless, his wrists bled and the pain was intense. Both friends looked at each other for a moment, John could see in Sherlock's eyes the desperation and fear, he knew that his friend wasn't ready to see his brother die; Sherlock would never recover from this moment.

\- "and here we go !, this will be fun, Sherlock ..." - Victor looked at both friends - "Come on, cheer up!" - The sarcasm in his voice was almost lethal - "Now, Sherlock, you will be quiet" - said while he gagged first to Sherlock and then to John. - "Mr. Holmes, do you remember me? - "Victor asked as he sadistically squeezed the gag in John's face.

 _\- Not now, no…-_ this was his first thought, Mycroft raised his hand quickly to his chest, maybe only then the pain would stop, the big brother did not answer the question, but if he could recognize the man's voice, of all the possible enemies, this was the least predictable, Mycroft had failed once more.

\- "I think...it is the time has come when some heads rolling off" - Victor stabbed the dagger in one of the pillars and continued laughing - "finally the reign of terror will end" - Victor looked at Sherlock and winked at him, - "Mr. Holmes has played a double game for years, isn't it?” - First Uncle Rudy, next Moriarty, then Magnussen, and then again, Culverton Smith, whose side is your majesty today? "- Mycroft, dizzy, looked at him out of the corner of his eye, he knew he could not resist much longer. - "Who sent the police to kill Ajay, Mycroft? poor guy ... Sherlock, too many questions and not answers, well… the silence gives us consent" - a triumphant smile was drawn on Victor's face.

-“We…all be dust very…soon…Victor”- Sherlock began to breathe in anguish, to hear his brother speak with difficulty, it could only be one thing, and he was badly hurt.

\- "Yes, I agree, maybe ... but not before you and me, Mr. Holmes play with me... you owes me, I will give you the permanent retirement so to speak" - Victor walked and took John's hair, pulling so hard that John moaned in pain. - "It was the way, that you took John Barrow' neck, please enlighten me" - Victor said as he put on the dagger in John's neck.

\- "I'll do what you want ... just set free John and Sherlock" - said Mycroft anguished while John began to bleed profusely.

\- "No, no, Mr. Holmes ... this is my game ... I'm the one who sets the rules ..." - Victor pulled back even more the head of John, impotent Sherlock was still pulling the ties - "I want you to come out of the darkness, Mycroft, for the first time "- The government official closed his eyes, his hand remained on his chest, he could feel his heart beating painfully, he only had a few seconds to decide, his biggest advantage was his weakness, he only had to resist and save strength for the final moment, with his left hand he touch the medicine bottle in his pocket, he just needs time. Mycroft walked out into the shadows, leaning on his umbrella.

-“God save the queen…!”- ... "- Victor released John's hair, he did a funny bowed and began to laugh -" Here is the most powerful man in England ... but it is only a shadow of what he was, C. Smith was right no one is untouchable " - Sherlock closed his eyes, in his mind was the image of Mycroft, bled profusely by a hand, his face was covered in blood and gasped uncontrollably, the detective began to breathe desperate, John lost consciousness intermittently. -"An umbrella? Really? Is that all? "- said Victor, Mycroft smiled slightly. - "Why are you smiling, Mycroft?" - asked Victor, could feel his breath.

\- "Why so serious?" - asked Mycroft with confidence, Victor turned to look at the detective.

\- "Sherlock, the tale of us ... only just beginning" - The man turned quickly and hit Mycroft's stomach with his fist, the older man bowed painfully, coughing uncontrollably - "Sherlock, do you remember the day my brother disappeared? "- Sherlock began to pull again and again, zip tie, desperate -" No ... I do not think so, you have forgotten me too, how could you even remember it? "- Trevor began to surround to Mycroft with the dagger in his hand while the big brother was trying to barely recover his breathing.

\- "Dear Sherlock, this will be a trip to the past ..." - Victor took the head of Mycroft between his hands - "No more threats, Mr. Holmes, no more manipulations at will, today not only will I die ... you are right tomorrow we will all be dust ... "- Mycroft could see Victor's eyes, deepest hatred in them, and in an attempt to free himself the government official gave three accurate blows with his umbrella on Trevor's chin, quickly backed away, the big brother knew that the answer would not take long, Victor turned quickly to him and the dagger brushed Mycroft's left arm, with the handle of the umbrella took the neck of Victor throwing him against the wall, but in the effort a stabbing pain on his heart as if it were a knife leaving him almost immobile.

\- "Help .. me" - A slight moan came out of Mycroft's mouth looking at Sherlock and quickly put his hand to his chest, Victor Trevor smiled maliciously and took Mycroft from a shoulder, with his fist began to hit the chest of Mycroft, over and over again until Victor felt the ribs break with each blow.

\- "On your knees!!" - Trevor shouted as he gave his last blow to Mycroft's chest, the government official resisted, it was not in his nature to bow before any man, he still had some dignity and pride but Mycroft fell on his knees to the floor, unable to breathe.

\- "Set ... free them ..." - said Mycroft while trying to take the bottle of pills out of his pocket. - "Just ... kill ... me ..." - pleaded Mycroft, Trevor crouched down next to him, snatched the bottle from Mycroft's hands.

-“Nitroglycerin 6,5 mg ….”- ... "- Trevor read aloud and looked at the Sherlock -" I can see your eyes Sherlock, affliction in every sense of the word ... Can you imagine how long my brother shouted for help since deep of the well?, cold, hunger, pain, loneliness ... you beg, Mr. Holmes! "- Victor dropped the capsules to the ground destroying them with his foot in front of Sherlock -" I told you, you cannot help him ... "- Victor Trevor sat in the chair contemplating the place, seemed untouchable before the agony of John and Mycroft, the big brother was leaning on one of the pillars, Sherlock kept an eye on the breathing of his brother that as the minutes passed, decreased, helpless, he began to cry, Mycroft was dying in front of his eyes, John had lost consciousness, but still breathing, he knew that in the face of odds, Mycroft had less chance of surviving than John.

\- "Sherlock, I understand you, I also cry when I find out that Victor was dead" - the man put his hands to his face - "Mycroft sent me a letter with a large sum of money informing me that my brother's body had been found ... without a "sorry", without a condolence, without being remembered or cried "- Trevor spoke without stopping looking at Mycroft. - "Without guilty, without names ... only the cold card of your big brother ... that was my consolation for years of waiting ..." - Victor stood up and looked at Sherlock - "But I should know how my brother had died, of course, the report was classified ... but not for me ... even Mycroft could not prevent me from getting that information ... Lady Smallwood is a woman from a very dark past and Magnussen knew it ... and I also ... "- Victor took out a lighter from his pocket, the flame was visible and with the coldness of a psychopath he took out a cigarette -"I financed and bribe the most important politicians in England, campaigns, publicity, whatever, the empire of the drug is a profitable business, Sherlock, with the money that your big brother made an empire against him ... "- Trevor leaned his body resting his elbows on his knees and blew smoke, he threw the rest of the cigarette at Mycroft hitting his face - "you know ... cocaine, morphine ... whatever it was to keep you away from Mycroft ... I did you a favor, Sherlock, after all, I could tell you, that you do not love your big brother too much, not like he loves you, for sure "- Sherlock closed his eyes, he knew he had always rejected Mycroft. –“Anyway… who could love a bastard like that? “-

\- "The final moment arrived ... Mycroft owes me a confession" - Trevor stood up and Sherlock looked scared that Victor was walking with the dagger in his hand in the direction of Mycroft. - "on your knees!" The man ordered, Mycroft was barely moving, his gasping for air with his reddened face, but his eyes darkened when Trevor pushed him. –“That's Mr. Holmes, you're still alive! "- Trevor walked up to Sherlock unleashing the gag of his mouth, the detective started coughing and perspiring profusely, he knew the final moment had come. - Where's the MI5, Mycroft? - was his thought, his wrists were covered in blood; the rubbing of the zip tie had detached all his skin of his wrists and without strength, the detective could not keep pulling.

\- "How did my brother die, Mycroft?" - asked Trevor, Mycroft placed his hands on the cold ground, wet and muddy, swallowing hard, felt weak and dizzy, it was difficult to articulate a sentence. - "The autopsy ..." –

\- "The autopsy ... the forensic report said ...; he fell from a great height ... he broke his left clavicle, but it was not a fatal blow ... "- Trevor looked at him desperately.

\- "No, Mycroft, I correct you ... she pushed him from a great height" - Victor said with great anger in his voice.

\- "The forensic ... in the report ... believes that ... he spent at least two weeks in the chained well ... before ..." Mycroft winced as Trevor stepped on his injured hand. - "Before ... that ... he get drowned" - Mycroft cried out in pain when Trevor put the whip around his neck.

\- "Oh God!" - Exclaimed Sherlock scared.

\- "When a man confesses, God is never here, Sherlock" - Trevor pulled the whip harder and looking at Sherlock, continued - "Interesting ... you begged for John's life but not for Mycroft" - he smirked - "You and I we know that Mycroft deserves this, doesn’t he?" - Sherlock closed his eyes without saying anything, in the depths of his being he was hurt, disappointed.

\- "How did he drowned?, enlighten me, please, Mycroft" - continued Trevor pulling the whip, the big brother with one of his hands tried to remove the rope around his neck, uselessly, struggled to stay conscious.

\- "The rains ... rains filled ... the well" - Mycroft looked at Trevor and could see the pain in his eyes, the damage of years.

\- "Why was there never an investigation of the case?" - The question was evident, the man released the whip and Mycroft began to cough.

\- "I manipulated ... the data and reports so far ... no report was filled by the Scotland Yards ... everything I did was protect my family and nothing and no one would blame Eurus for this... and if, I could go back to the past...I would do it again, again... and again "- he said smiling, Mycroft had searched through the darkness his umbrella only two steps from him, he would have to be faster than Trevor, Sherlock looked to the side, he had always known that his big brother had a lack of morality and ethics in many matters. Despite this the detective trusted his brother, but he always doubt his role in the British government.

\- "Justice is a word as foreign to me as any other ... but oneself must seek his own justice" - Victor Trevor turned and with the tip of his foot hit the Mycroft's chest - "You will pay ...!" - And spat in the face of the government official.

\- "Stop Victor ... just stop!" - John briefly regained consciousness, the older brother started coughing blood and Sherlock pulled hard on his ties.

\- "It was always too late for us, Sherlock, I told you that it would tear your brother's heart" - Victor Trevor took out his dagger and held it with his right hand. - "Makes your goodbyes" - Mycroft raised his head; Sherlock looked at him, the big brother just smiled kindly. - "The worst of our lives was to have known you, the Holmes siblings, but the revenge is mine now, neither forgiveness nor forgetfulness" - Victor exclaimed as he pounced on the big brother.

\- "No Victor!" - scream Sherlock and Mycroft just closed his eyes, they were just steps between them, he might feel weak, but Mycroft never stopped observing and calculating the best scene, the probability was in his favor, the government official waited anxiously, it was only a few seconds, he stretched out his arm and slowly he raised his eyes, his death eyes shone in the darkness, Trevor would never doubt, it was just an umbrella, and a damn ill old man in front of him, Mycroft smiled malevolently, like if he had seen this scene in the future, it was his job, Mycroft predicted the movement so perfectly that by the time Victor saw the gleaming sword come out of the umbrella his own body fell into it and Mycroft just turned his arm. A gasp of pain came from Victor's throat, Mycroft smiled contentedly.

\- "A ... new ending for ... our tale" - whispered Mycroft in the ear of the man, and pushed him against the wall, he remembered this moment, his first victim, the first moment in which everything changed for him, his fantasy became a reality again, his heart was beating fast for the last time. Victor unsuccessfully tried to lift the dagger and an agonized breath came from his throat - "Don't ... move ... you are mine now" - whispered once again Mycroft, the man was drowning in his own pain, and the big brother enjoyed every breath of the afflicted man - "I will not lie to you ...this will hurt" - Mycroft raised put up and put down the sword again and again. Victor Trevor cried agonizingly in pain, could barely breathe and took Mycroft's hand.

\- "... just ... kill me ... kill me, end with ... this ... hate" - begged Victor, while Mycroft looked at him surprised, he could feel the warm blood on the handle of the umbrella, with his injured hand the government official took him by the neck to, he could feel the power once more in his hands, and without compassion he drew the sword from Victor's side, the sound of the sword making its way through flesh and organs was almost creepy, even for Mycroft.

Breathing heavily, Mycroft made a last effort, put the bloodied sword in the man's throat, closed his eyes, it was the ritual, he needed the strength to look directly into the eyes of his victims before they faded, it was his greatest pleasure - "Mycroft Mycroft! "- a voice in the distance interrupted him and as if coming out of a trance the big brother looked at Sherlock -" Do not do it! ..the brother that I love so much is not like that ... inside him he really is not like that "- Sherlock shouted in his last attempt to stop him. Mycroft looked down, could not do this to his little brother, looked into Trevor's eyes, but there wasn't plea, he only dropped his sword, and before he could lean on the wall Mycroft fell to the ground.

\- "No, no, no, Mycroft!" - shouted Sherlock out of his wits, and desperately began to pull the zip ties of his wrists, no matter the pain and with all the forces, pulled again and again, while Victor Trevor, walking up to one of the oil lamps, he take it and crashing it against one of the wooden pillars, the fire spread rapidly.

\- "Mr. Holmes ... he was right, we will be dust very soon "- said Victor while hiding in the dark.

Sherlock tired, pulled once more of the moorings, the place quickly filled with smoke, in a scream of pain, one of his hands gave way thanks to the blood that flowed, without thinking he looked at John,  who was semi-conscious but alive, the detective ran anguished, Mycroft barely breathed, with careful support his body on the wall.

\- "Myc! Can you hear me? "- Mycroft, somewhat disoriented, looked at him.

\- "Sher ..." - he tries to say.

\- "Do not talk ... I'll get you out of here" - Mycroft slowly took his cell phone out of his pocket.

\- "Greg ..." - he said without delay.

\- "I know, I know" - said desperate Sherlock, he knew that it could not take longer; the heat and smoke began to increase in the basement.

\- "John?" - Sherlock knew that they were more likely to live if he took out Mycroft first, the detective passed his arm under the body of his brother, and a slight moan came from Mycroft's throat.

\- "I need Myc to make one last effort, okay? We'll get out of here" - the government official nodded, Sherlock took Mycroft by the waist, climbing the stairs was too much work for his tired heart - "Myc, breathe! "Exclaimed scared Sherlock.

\- "Le ... let me ... here" - said Mycroft exhausted.

\- "You did not let me die here, burned, you got me out, remember?" - said anguished Sherlock and once again raised his older brother. Both brothers left by the same door of the kitchen, the detective needed to take him as far as possible, he looked at the distance and saw the funny gravetombs where he played as a child, the same ones that contained the his sister's song, carefully Sherlock support his brother in one of them, and he looked at him with great concern, Sherlock put his hand on Mycroft's neck, and his heart beat irregularly, he did not have too much time, he had to come back for John and his big brother was struggling to regain every breath , Sherlock carefully lifted Mycroft's shirt, the cut on his side was visible and the haematomas on his chest, the younger brother closed his eyes. - "Pulmonary edema" - Sherlock thought, sometimes he hated knowing everything, and Mycroft was drowning in his own fluids.

\- "Not bad for an old man who avoids legwork..." - said Sherlock, trying to get Mycroft to look at him but the little brother only got to make him smile slightly. - "Myc, please don't stop fighting ... I'll be back" - Mycroft looked at him with tenderness.

\- "Forgive me ... brother ... mine" - the eyes of the older man were filled with tears; Sherlock put his hand on Mycroft's chest.

\- "Don't talk now ... I'll be back" - was the last thing he heard, tired, closed his eyes, his effort to continue filling his lungs with air, it vanished as fast as the heartbeat, he did not know how much time had passed, the older brother looked around scared, Musgrave was covered in flames and for the second time the fire destroyed the memories of his past, Mycroft wrinkled his forehead, the pain in the heart was so intense that squeezed his chest and in one last attempt Mycroft looked at the horizon looking for him - Sherlock - a slight whisper came out of his mouth, was all he could remember, his little brother.

Despite the years, the younger brother remembered every corner of the old place, by the time he reached the basement it was almost completely filled with smoke, he quickly took Mycroft's bloody sword, cut John's bonds and cheerfully smiled when he saw that his friend he had regained consciousness - "I thought I had lost you" - those words would make sense later, John looked at him with almost indulgence, Sherlock hugged him, grabbed his waist tightly as they crossed the basement a familiar figure of what appeared to be a man was caught in the flames. - "Victor ..." - whispered Sherlock, coughing anguished John touched the shoulder of his friend.

\- "No ... we can ... leave him here" - Sherlock full of doubts, he looked at him, that man had tried to kill Mycroft, but always John was right, somehow or other he always had it, Sherlock took off his jacket and jumped in the flames, Victor was bleeding in a pool of blood around him, the detective covered his head with his jacket, took Victor's arms and climbed Victor on his back, John watched the scene from the staircase, Sherlock took a deep breath, he taking momentum once more jump between the flames with Victor's body on his back, the upper floor had fallen off, the only possible exit although this would take more time, the exit on the front of the house, the detective was barely holding on to his feet, completely tired he dropped the Victor's body on the grass, Sherlock touched him his neck, still lived, returned to help John, both exhausted friends were dropped on the grass. Breathing heavily Sherlock took the cell phone and called Lestrade.

\- "Greg? ..." - Sherlock said as he tried to catch his breath.

\- "Let's go there" - the voice said quickly. Sherlock paused for a moment to look at his friend.

\- "Are you okay?" - John nodded, but John had a worried look on his face.

\- "And Mycroft?" - Sherlock's body froze, fear invaded him once more, desperate began to run, stumbled more than once with the rocks, he had forgotten Mycroft, he had forgotten the promise _\- I will back -_ breathing agitatedly Sherlock approached his brother, Mycroft had dropped his head.

\- "Myc, I came back ... here I am" - breathing agonizingly, Sherlock took one shoulder of Mycroft, moving it uselessly, his chest did not move - "Mycroft ... I'm here" - he spoke again but there was no answer, the younger brother was confused, it was evident, he put his hand lightly on Mycroft's neck, his skin was still warm, Sherlock put a hand to his face, there was no pulse, desperate his tears began to run down his cheeks and he took with both hands the head of Mycroft - "Don’t do this to me again Myc" - but not the government official had his eyes sealed, - "I will not lose you, not again" - Sherlock dried his tears with the sleeve of his shirt and with his hands opened the jacket , and the white skin of Mycroft's chest was exposed to the moonlight, he placed both hands at the height of the heart and began to be compressions, the seconds were a nightmare, it seemed that Mycroft's life was vanishing along with the ruins of Musgrave, again and again he presses the chest without positive response, anguished the tears clouded his eyes and the tears fell down his nose - "Please brother ..." - he pleaded as if Mycroft heard him, desperately began to call John, but he was completely alone, he went on without stopping, and he could feel in his hands how the fragile ribs of Mycroft broke in every pressure in his chest.

\- "Sherlock, stop, stop" - repeated the voice, in shock the detective stopped while some paramedics took his place - "Sherlock, look at me" - Greg took him in his arms and took him out of the place.

\- "Myc, I need to see Mycroft ... he needs me" - Sherlock was trying to get out of Lestrade's arms.

\- "Sherlock, listen to me ... they are professionals ... they know what they are doing" - said Lestrade as he took Sherlock's head in his hands. -"are you hurts? A helicopter is on the way, we'll take Mycroft as soon as possible to a hospital "- but for the detective it was not enough, he needed to see his brother breathing again.

_-“Intubated, we needed recover the saturation and prep the defibrillator and get the shocks down, 360 joules.” – The woman ordered._

_-“Copy, 360 joules, charging, clear” – a dry sound was heard – “charging, shooting” – the man_

_-“Still fibrillation, epinephrine shot now”  – said the woman._

The scene was surreal for Sherlock, with both hands on his head he looked at Mycroft's face while his lips turned blue and a pale color took over his skin, the little brother paced back and forth while Lestrade watched in astonishment the CPR procedure without power believe that Mycroft was dead in front of them.

_\- “Just stack the shock if you have to, go 360 again” – said the woman._

_-“Already…clear”- the paramedic checked the pulse on Mycroft's neck –“Nothing!”-  said the man out loud, Sherlock was distressed, his hand went up to his chest, he felt his heart was going to explode._

_-“Go again… 360… hit him” - said the woman with confidence._

_-“Clear…all right I got output” – said the man looking to Sherlock._

_-"Ok, sinus rate 68 BPM... prep him, the helicopter is coming" – said the woman_

\- "I told you, he would be in good hands" - said Lestrade expelling all his anxiety, Sherlock looked at the dark sky and breathed a sigh of relief, and sat down quickly on one of the stones, he felt dizzy.

His hand was almost cold, but even so Sherlock kept holding it, watching the heartbeat on the monitor, barely exceeding 70 BPM, probabilities, very low, and he knew, he had seen many patients like that when he accompanied Molly in her rounds in the hospital, many of them went from the emergency room directly to the morgue, it was natural, death should be something normal, but for some reason Sherlock avoided talking about the process with Mycroft many times, it should not matter, it should not be transcendental, one day Mycroft would die like any other mortal and that is it.

\- "Sir! Sir!" - said the woman while touching his shoulder, Sherlock looked at her confused.

\- "When we get to the helipad, you must go down first so we can do our job" - the woman warned, Sherlock wrinkled his forehead.

\- "I will not leave my brother" - sentenced the detective, while pressing the hand of Mycroft with more strength, the woman looked at him with tenderness, she sensed that Sherlock wasn't handling the situation.

-“Just for a moment…sir”- She said.

The wind and rain hit the hospital window, the branches of the fir made phantasmagorical figures in front of him, like an illusion, Molly went out  between the shadows with a second cup of tea of the night, Sherlock without speaking looked through the glass, all was a mess, John slept peacefully ignoring what was happening, without major damage, it was only a minor surgery, resigned sigh as if trying to release the pressure of his chest, the story was repeated, nervously looked at the door, behind it ,still Mycroft was there.

\- "Sherlock ... John will be fine" - said Molly holding the cup of tea between her hands.

\- "Molly?" - Said the detective without looking at her, and continued - "... I'm not fine" - Neither of them could say more words, Molly took his arm tried to comfort him, but she knew it was useless, it was Sherlock after all. The hospital 5th floor was full of MI5 agents, Victor Trevor had survived the surgery, part of his body had been hit by the flames, and he was in the ICU, two hours had gone by and he had no news of Mycroft, impatiently he began to walk from one place to another, looking at the door on each turn, it was only a matter of time.

The door opened wide, Mycroft's doctor appeared behind it walking quickly and it seemed that Sherlock's world was freezing in front of him, he needed to hear that word, he needed to hear - He's okay -.

\- "Mr. Holmes! ... "- said the doctor.

\- "How is my brother?" - interrupted the detective.

\- "I'm afraid I do not have good news" - Sherlock expectantly looked at him once again - "His brother suffered a second heart attack ... we have used all known techniques to stabilize him, but unfortunately he doesn't respond to treatment how I expect, he has had two cardiac arrests in these hours ... I think the damage to the heart muscle is too big ... his heart isn't able to perform its function, do you understand?”- Sherlock took both hands to the face; he felt that his world falls apart. - "We had talked before this, about the possibility of this happening, ¿remember?, but your brother refused to this treatment, Mr. Holmes, I need you to give me the authorization to put your brother on external support, cardiopulmonary bypass is the best choice ...until we have more answers ... "- Sherlock nodded and the doctor passed a form to Molly. - "You must sign this document ..." - indicated the doctor.

\- "My brother ... will live?" - His voice broke, and the doctor looked at the floor, Sherlock closed his eyes.

\- "I cannot guarantee ... your brother has a cardiogenic shock, his kidneys and other organs have started to fail ... I'm really sorry, Mr. Holmes" - Sherlock's hands were shaking and Molly held his hand while he tried to sign - "... must prepare yourself ... "- I do not finish the sentence and the detective interrupted.

\- "Can I see he?" - Sherlock made a last effort to hold back his tears.

\- "Yes ... of course ... Molly will accompany you, I will prepare myself for surgery" - ordered the doctor.

The third time Sherlock walked through the same corridor of white wall, the brother felt the need to be numb, but seeing his big brother surrounded by doctors, there was no doubt they doing an efforts  overhuman to keep Mycroft alive, he took his hand, without to resign himself, some tears ran down his cheek, tenderly kissed the forehead of his big brother, it wasn't a farewell, but inside of him he knew it, Sherlock always intuit that it would be like this, without great words, without definitive goodbye. – _“How could I think about not forgiving you, brother mine?...always…always”_ \- His voice was sweet and soft, he put his hand on Mycroft's chest and felt his heart still beating just barely, he tried uselessly to dry his eyes with his other hand, he swallowed painfully and he came out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**_Sherlock: "I do not know what to say ..." - the younger brother looked out the window looking for an answer._ **

**_Therapist: "Sherlock, it's normal that you feel that way, sad, ... you're in grieving, sorrow, its completely natural feeling" - the woman filled a glass with water and handed it to Sherlock - "You'll say what you feel  and in no way It will be wrong or bad ... "_ **

**_Sherlock: "I should have told him and I should not have forgotten him... always my way, everything ..." - the detective's voice broke and the glass in his hand trembled,_ ** _\- Norbury -_ **_the word repeated in his mind inquisitively, without power sleep._ **

**_Therapist: "I don't have all the answers, but ... there are moments in life that you just have to let go, even those you love most, we can’t save everyone, Sherlock." -the little brother closed his eyes, her words hurt in the depths of his soul that woman was right and Sherlock knew._ **

 

**_*************************************************************************************************************_ **


	18. ~ The Dusk of Dawn ~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~ "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity" ~

**_A week later._ **

 

The pungent smell of roses covered the room, white roses, it was a nice floral arrangement on the small table, Sherlock had never paid attention to this detail, it had never been important, _\- No Flowers, My request -_ he took a deep breath and soaked himself in the soft aroma, seemed to ease the anguish somewhat, after Sherrinford seemed that he could no longer divorce his feelings, his mind could not ignore this fact, his brain could not suppress any sorrow in the future.

 

\- "Two years have passed since the last appointment ... What has changed, Sherlock?" - The detective moved his hands nervously ... "Have you changed?" - She said in a soft voice.

\- "People change?" - Sherlock looked aside _\- Mary -_ he thought.

\- "Yes, I believe that the human being is capable of changing ... don't you?" - There was a long silence between them, Sherlock was afraid to say the words, even feelings were confined, and he looked at her sadly.

\- "What's wrong with your brother?" - I look at him curiously.

\- "Mycroft is seriously ill, besides, he is no longer a young man, someday he must die, we will all die anyway, but the truth is I do not know" - Sherlock paused while looking at Mycroft's ring in his hand - " when he wakes up I don't know ... What am I supposed to tell him? "

\- "... He is your brother, you know him better, but I would expect that you tell me the truth, Sherlock" - the detective squeezed the ring in his hand; it was not easy, since, Sherrinford everything was a mess.

-"The truth?" _\- The truth is rarely pure and never simple -_ Sherlock closed his eyes - "Then ... I would have to tell him ..." - The detective swallowed hard, I look at the ceiling - "Mycroft ... your heart is so damaged that only a transplant is possible ... but unfortunately in your case due to your blood receptor type you will have to wait too ... too long ... from one to two years of waiting and that only there is a 5.5% chance that you get a donor ... "- Sherlock ran his hand over his face feeling completely helpless after to hear his own words. - "In other words ... brother mine... according to the statistics you will die in less than six months ..." - his voice broke, as did his heart, it was difficult not to feel guilt.

\- "I'm sorry, Sherlock" - said the woman while looking at her hands.

\- "I do not know what to say ..." - the younger brother looked out the window looking for an answer.

\- “Sherlock, it's normal that you feel that way, sad, ... you're in grieving, sorrow, its completely natural feeling" - the woman filled a glass with water and handed it to Sherlock - "You'll say what you feel  and in no way It will be wrong or bad ... "

\- "I should have told him and I should not have forgotten ... always my way, everything ..." - the detective's voice broke and the glass in his hand trembled.

-"I don't have all the answers, but ... there are moments in life that you just have to let go, even those you love most, we can’t save everyone, Sherlock." -the little brother closed his eyes, her words hurt in the depths of his soul that woman was right and Sherlock knew.

\- "I need to know what I should do ... now ... I cannot control my mind ... the thoughts, these feelings chase me ..." - said Sherlock desperate. - "I need to know what to do ... when ... he wakes up" –

\- "If I were in your shoes ... although it's hard to imagine ..." - Sherlock looked at her carefully - "... I would probably want to be with him as long as possible ... maybe I would take him somewhere he has never visited and we would talk about everything that we do not we said before ... "- Sherlock's eyes got wet and he stood up -" but the most important thing would do what he felt at the moment ... without fears, without grudges, without past, Sherlock ... as if you knew your brother for the first time. "

 

**_Seven weeks for Christmas_ **

Sunlight pierced the clouds that covered London, it had stopped raining, and forecasts predicted that this winter would be the crudest of the last 20 years, by melancholic nature, obviously in secret, Mycroft loved autumn and winter, his best memories of childhood happened in those seasons of the year, the big brother contemplated the fabulous view of the city while waiting for his medical discharge, his aging figure was reflected in the glass, gray hair, pale skin, eyes haggard and  deeply sadness, and thinner than ever before, his little brother had not come to see him the last days or any other, it was something totally expected, after Victor Trevor, Sherlock had no doubt got him out of his life and it was better that way.

 

\- "Are you sure, Mr. Holmes?, I must insist that you will have the best care here in the hospital while waiting for a new heart" - said Dr. Smith.

\- "I insist ... that I will be better than at home ..." - said Mycroft while looking at his mother and father look distressed, and Eurus was silent in a corner of the room. Molly brought a wheelchair and he looked at her with a sweet smile.

\- "Myc?" - Mum Holmes approached his son, looking into his eyes, and placed his hand on Mycroft's chest - "Please, consider what the doctor said ..." - Mycroft looked at her with his blue eyes, and tenderly he hug her, the big brother never thought to do something like that before, but inside of him he felt that he should not waste any more time, Molly looked to the side holding her tears and Eurus ducked her head, she could hardly understand what It happened inside of her, the strong feelings and emotions were still confusing to her.

\- "We'll be fine ... we always are ... isn’t it?" - said Mycroft looking at Eurus.

It was not a lie, just a convenient lie, he just could not be sure, for the first time the mathematics was against him, and although he planned it perfectly, he knew that his path had been shortened, an infinite part of Mycroft's universe had disappeared and everything had been reduced to a few months, there was nothing to predict, there were no possibilities, just one, and in that new universe that awaited him he felt as alone as before, Sherlock for him wasn't only his little brother, he was his only friend for years, Mycroft lied to him and in a certain way betrayed, in Mycroft's morality, lying was a tool to protect those he loved, he hoped in the depths of his being that his baby brother would forgive him one day.

-"Mycroft? ..." - the faint voice came from the back of the parking lot, Lestrade was walking towards him.

-"How do you feel?" - he ask hurriedly.

\- "I feel ready to run a marathon ... why?" - The detective smiled to see that Mycroft retained his sarcastic sense of humor intact.

-"I'm satisfied that you can only climb a few steps ..." - Mycroft looked at the back of the parking lot and observed the worried face of Greg.

\- "My dear little brother?" - Lestrade nodded, and took a deep breath; Mycroft paused and looked at his parents - "I'm afraid you'll have to go without me ... I'll see you at home tomorrow ... DI Lestrade will throw me a farewell party now... a Scotland Yard’s style party, you know ... transvestites ... sadomasochism, slave sex and other stuff, just for people with an open mind, I fear you don’t qualify, I'm sorry, bye bye!"- said the government official while his parents looked at him in complete horror and Eurus hid her accomplice laughter with her big brother.

-“Thank you, Mycroft, very thank you!”- said Lestrade a little offended.

-“You’re very  welcome, Gregory”- He said smiling, enjoy these little humiliations.

\- "John?" - Mycroft said seriously when seeing that John wore a sling on his left arm.

\- "Mycroft ... it's a pleasure to see you" - said the smiling doctor.

 

Both men got into the car, Lestrade opened the passenger window and watched as Mycroft's face turned red trying to catch his breath, they had only walked a couple of meters, John looked at him with concern while the government official tried a loosen up bit his tie.

 

\- "A marathon? ... really?" - Lestrade said in a worried voice, Mycroft looked at him questioningly and only smiled.

"Sorry, Mycroft, I would not have looked for you if I was not ..." - said nervous John.

\- "How long?" - asked Mycroft bluntly turning his head to the back of the car, John bit his lower lip and sighed deeply, he had forgotten that the older brother also possessed the skills of Sherlock, much more shrewd and smart, he deduced that John had spent two sleepless nights, his clothes were the same as yesterday and had a beard grown, at least three days.

\- "Three weeks, after of Bill Wiggins funeral, you still was remain in coma for that days ... I tried everything, even with my therapist ..." - John said anguished.

\- "And you want me to be there?" - John nodded, Mycroft filled his lungs with air and closed his eyes, - "John, this cannot continue ... you know I will not be much longer here" - his voice was sad, and the sentence froze both friends.

 

The government official sat on the edge of the bed, the scene was similar to others ones, only this time Sherlock was in his room, he was lying covered him by white sheets and face down, totally unconscious, gently the big brother put the hand on his face, his beard was long and his clothes could easily be mistaken for a homeless person, syringes, candles, it were everywhere, but his little brother kept the photo of both on the bed table, a slight hope, slowly took the arm of Sherlock, both marked with needle sticks, the situation could not be worse, something had shone in the dim light _\- My ring -_ thought Mycroft, in the Sherlock's hand, a slight smile get drawing on his face, he tenderly covered Sherlock's body with a blanket and went out the door. The signs were everywhere, like a symptom, it was inevitable, Mycroft felt sorrow, if some time he thought of leaving of that place, he couldn't do it anymore, could not leave his brother not now, Sherlock was suffering like him, he looked at the room, everything was the same, the pieces of the skull, it crashed against the wall that day, the books that were on top of the fireplace were still on the floor, after weeks it seemed that Sherlock could not continue with his life, as if trapped by the past.

 

\- "He threatened us with a harpoon to me and Mrs. Hudson if we touched those things ..." - John said while preparing tea in the kitchen, Mycroft with the hands on his waist he looked once more around him, the worry increased, and his heart could also feel it, tired, he fell into the chair of his brother, and closed his eyes for a few seconds. - "You don't look fine, Mycroft, you can rest in the available room" - John smiled and Mycroft just nodded.

-"And my brother?" - Mycroft asked seriously.

\- "He will not get away, I'll be here, there's a police car with two men from Scotland Yards, he'll wake up in a few hours until the effect of the drugs he used pass on" - Mycroft raised both eyebrows and Gregory smiled, he could almost feel the doubt.

 

He woke up with a dry mouth, the voices coming from the living room were loudly _\- Sherlock -_ closed his eyes a moment wishing he had not woken up, to Mycroft sleep was the closest thing to death, he had felt like that for months, depressed, he look at the white ceiling that had accompanied him for months, the night had fallen, he knew that at any moment the door would open, it was something inevitably, Mycroft tired got up from the bed, took his jacket and opened the door.

 

\- "John ... I'm not asking you... just get out of my way ... and why is Greg here?" - Mycroft leaned on the wall, put his hands on the surface, could feel the smooth texture of the wall under his fingers, he closed his eyes a moment, just a moment, tried that his mind was get out from there - "ooh I get it!, is he my new nanny?" - Sherlock said typically when he was drugged; Lestrade kept silent and looked to the hurted side.

\- "You're a selfish and ungrateful bastard, Sherlock, last night I and Greg we are looking for you all over London" - John restrained his anger and looking once again at his friend - "This time we will do it to your way ... always your way ... ¿remember?, stupid stories, this is where people come and tell us their stories ... only now it will be your story, Sherlock "- John said almost shouting, and taking the chair, he put it between the two sofa and looked at Sherlock. - "Your brother is here, Mycroft is here" - Sherlock was paralyzed as if he had been hit in the head by something, John looked at him inquisitively.

\- "He ... is?" - asked affected Sherlock

\- "Just sit ... please" - John said one last time looking at the ground with one of his hands on the waist, containing his anger. Sherlock looked at the client's chair, and for the first time dropped his body into it, without raising his head and in complete silence, the main cause was there. John walked to the hall - "Are you ready?" - The question almost sounded like an apology, the doctor knew he could not avoid this moment, not if he wanted Sherlock to recover some sanity.

The big brother walked down the hall without raising his head and without saying anything sat in the Sherlock's sofa looking at Lestrade who was standing in the front door, after a few seconds he turned his eyes to the picture with the skull, a dark background almost gray, his hands perspiring and his heart beating his chest, Mycroft knew he had to calm down.

\- "Today will not be sarcastic comments?, or a raid in search of drugs?" - exclaimed Sherlock with irony hiding his concern _\- weight loss, anorexia, dyspnea at the minimum effort, faster heart, evident, ejection fraction = 25%, expectations: death sudden -_ Sherlock squeezed his hands tightly on the chair, the truth could be cruel, unalterable and without saying anything, Mycroft was still looking at the picture.

\- "I'll wait down stairs" - said Lestrade without wanting to stay, he looked at Mrs. Hudson who had just arrived at the flat, but quickly grabbed her arm - "The boys have domestic problems to discuss, Mrs. Hudson" - and closed the door behind him.

 

Outside it rained torrentially, the water slid through the window unimpeded, and you could still hear the city in a dizzying sound of life, in the uncomfortable silence, Mycroft listened to the rain, imagined that he walked completely alone, feeling alive was what he needed, feeling the rain on his face and breathing the cold air for a few seconds, without his umbrella _-Why not? -_ Mycroft thought.

 

\- "I see brother mine, you have gone from denial to depression without any troubles" - Mycroft didn't answer and Sherlock continued provocatively - "John's therapist told me about the five stages of a terminally ill ... I guess you know...you know everything" –

-"Enough, Sherlock!" - John said with anger in his voice.

-“Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance…”- Sherlock looked him he waiting for any Mycroft’s some kind the reaction. - What stage are you in, Sherlock? - Mycroft thought, it was evident, the signs were everywhere.

"Enough Sherlock!, or I promise you we'll leave, leaving you alone in your misery" - John threatened for the last time, Mycroft instead would not leave he could not leave his brother in those conditions again. Sherlock took a deep breath and took out of his pocket, two morphine bag, and one syringe; he left them on the table in front of Mycroft’s eyes, while John watched without surprise.

\- "I told you John, I take the cases so as don’t to get high ..." –

\- "No, it's not true ..." - John said annoyed. - "You cannot concentrate on your cases, Sherlock" - the silence returned to the place, Mycroft knew the reactions of Sherlock very well, but this time there was something different in everything, something deeper. - "You're terrified because you think you've lost the most important thing, what you think makes you special ..." - continued John.

\- "You always have the right John”- Sherlock approached the table –“The list ... brother mine" - said Sherlock in a soft voice, but Mycroft ignored his words again; he knew he had gone too far.

\- "You know we're not here for the damn list ... Sherlock" - John looked at Mycroft; he knew something had to change. - "It's time to talk, your story, to decide if we're going to help you, Sherlock, that's how this works  and ... we don't have much time" - sentenced John in a sad voice, Sherlock looked at Mycroft, the message It was clear. - "What's wrong with you?" - John coughed to clear his throat.

-What's wrong with me? - The question remained fixed in his mind, Sherlock stared at the window, his hands trembled, abstinence, he did not want to think, John crossed his legs and Mycroft seemed to be absent.

\- "I feel lost ..." - said Sherlock sadly.

\- "Why?" - John asked and Sherlock bowed his head - "Sorry ... just continue" - the doctor answered quickly.

\- "You know, John, that's not my style ... talk"- Sherlock said as he wiped his hands on his pants.

-"Just try it ..." - his voice was tired but calmer.

\- "This is not for any case ... I just cannot stop feeling this ... and the drug calms me, numbs what I feel, but when I wake up ..." - Mycroft closed his eyes - "Everything is the same ..." - Sherlock looked the roof and licked his dry lips. - "I try to solve it in my mind, but I just cannot ..." - said Sherlock euphorically.

\- "Here we are to help you" - added John.

\- "I went to visit you for a week to the hospital, Mycroft" - Sherlock finally looked at his big brother - "and while I saw you lying in that bed I couldn't understand again how we have been wrong so much ... you and me, no more secrets no more lies, remember? " - Sherlock ran his sleeve through his mouth- "Then I understood, we are what we are and nothing will change that, but the most important thing is that ... knowing that you had died alone in that place and that I was not there for you, that simply destroyed me, brother mine" - Sherlock's voice broke - "Now you can make fun of your little brother who is a stupid sentimental, because I'm not to able of bury these feelings in the depths of my being ...I just cannot do it, I cannot anymore ..." - Sherlock took the hands to his face, and John looked at Mycroft who had his eyes closed, it was only a few seconds.

\- "Anger ..." - broke the silence, Mycroft spoke in a soft, understandable and almost paternal voice.

-"Anger?" - John asked confused - "What are you talking about, Mycroft?" - the brother slowly turned his head and looked at Sherlock at last, there was no look of hatred in the eyes of the detective, nor disappointment, probably the time proves to him he was right, only her little brother was terrified of losing part of his story, that lifeless gaze Mycroft saw on him when Victor Trevor disappeared, when Mary died, the death meaning for Sherlock was much more unacceptable, and almost intolerable reality, Mycroft stood up slowly and placed himself next to the chair of his brother, Sherlock closed his eyes perhaps expecting the worst, the Mycroft's nature had always been contained, cold in the least expected moments. Sherlock felt the his big brother's arms around of his chest, a warm feeling reached his throat and it was inevitable for the detective to remember his childhood, without thinking, Sherlock took Mycroft's arms and dropped his head on them.

-"And that night I told you that I forgave you ..."- Mycroft breathed a small sigh of relief.

\- "I told you ... that I would always be with you ... Sherlock" - he whispered in his ear, the tears fell down his cheeks releasing the pressure in his chest. John looked at the carpeted floor watching his friend fall apart and letting himself be carried away by the love of Mycroft, a slight smile on his face was drawn, it was much more than he could expect, he knew that Sherlock would take time to accept the loss of Mycroft, maybe one day Sherlock would be fine.

 

**_Christmas Eve._ **

 

-"Shame of you, Myc!" - exclaimed his horrified mother, Mycroft rolled his eyes, and Sherlock looked at his little sister who laughed maliciously.

\- "She is the genius, in case you had not noticed, dear mother" - replied Mycroft indignantly as he dropped a pawn on the side of the chessboard.

-"My poor daughter ... this is an abuse! I cannot blame Sherlock, compared to you, Mycroft, he is still only a child" - said Mummy Holmes with one hand on the waist and a spoon on the other one. The kitchen was still the favorite place of the siblings when it was snowing outside, the warmest and most comfortable, Sherlock looked at the chessboard without blinking - "Playing chess, two against one, is unacceptable, Myc! I'll tell your father about this! I have no doubt that it was your idea…"- the detective hit the arm of Mycroft who was sitting next to him, John who watched  with interest from the other armchair only laughed with the situation.

\- "It's always my fault ..." - Mycroft said through clenched teeth.

\- "I listen to you, Mycroft! ..." -

\- "Balance of probabilities ... dear mother" - Mycroft smiled falsely.

\- "You will not teach me about math ... Myc!" - Sherlock and Eurus, both bowed their heads laughing - "If any of you hurt my little girl, there's going to be trouble and end of the story!" - Mummy Holmes always had the last word and Mycroft closed his eyes, _exasperated sigh_ and turned back.

\- "Myc?" - said mom Holmes from the door.

\- "WHAT?!" - exclaimed annoyed Mycroft.

\- "the pawn you moved, it covered your king, Q-H5, QE-8, checkmate, my daughter" - said in a voice burlesque Mummy Holmes, Mycroft dropped his head in the hands, while listening like the others laughed about it.

\- "... Just shut up!! ..." - said Mycroft after a few seconds he started to laugh too.

\- "Oh please, that's cheating!" - said Sherlock trying to recover the seriousness.

\- "And have you the nerve to say it?, Sherlock, your mother is right, Eurus is at a disadvantage here" - said John from the armchair while folding a newspaper. - "Besides the old proverb that says: two people think better than one, it has been proven here that is not entirely true, naturally" - John said laughing, Mycroft tilted his body in the chair trying to hide his humiliation and looking at Eurus.

\- "Checkmate!" - exclaimed Mycroft - "This is the thirteenth and last time, you win me in the chess dear little sister ..." - he said without thinking, and Eurus changed her expression, sadness and silence took over the place, the words were fleeting and sad but true.

\- "We can still play ... do you want?" - Eurus said as fast as she could trying to encourage her big brother, Mycroft looked at his pocket-watch, it was after 6 pm and he was waiting for a call from Lady Smallwood.

\- "It's very tempting little sister mine, but I think on another occasion has been enough humiliation for a day ... if you excuse me" - Mycroft stood slowly, needs to breathe fresh air, he take his coat, with his hand subtly took the cigarettes and his father's lighter, he opened the door and the icy wind sneaked down the corridor, had stopped snowing and walked to the backyard, tired sat on the old larch tree trunk, the night was dark and he could see the stars so clearly as when  he was a child, he took a cigarette from the box and lit it, he looked at his wrists, he still retained the scars left by the bonds, it was inevitable to remember his days in prison in Sherrinford, the rapes and the murders, inhaled the dense smoke in his lungs  with despair, the nicotine calmes his anxiety it had always been like this.

 

The call was so short as unusual, Lady Smallwood had avoided Mycroft as much as possible, and the government official interpreted this new reaction of her as a rejection, after the last events it was something to be expected, the last weeks had been splendid it and the older brother was trying to please everyone, he had no obvious symptoms of his illness, only a little trouble breathing at night, despite that, Mycroft was doing well, Sherlock had helped him in the government matters, meetings, interviews, resolutions, it was normal to see them together in the government cabinet or in the Diogenes club, Sherlock's support had been essential and Mycroft knew that his little brother had left his affairs aside to be with him.

 

\- "have you lost your mind?" - Sherlock snatched the cigarette from Mycroft's hand - "You know you cannot smoke ... if they find out in the hospital that you have smoked you will be removed from the transplant list" - Mycroft looked at him tenderly; inside he knew that would never happen.

\- "Look around you, Sherlock, we're alone ... besides I was celebrating, I'm happy, brother mine ..." - Mycroft started coughing, and Sherlock looked at him angrily.

\- "It's a stupid way to celebrate" - he crouched and unbuttoned Mycroft's shirt - "I know that my presence makes you happy, brother mine, there is no need to say it" - Sherlock said smiling and Mycroft rolled his eyes.

\- "Yes, of course!" - the sarcasm in Mycroft's voice made his brother smile even more - "I just want to tell you that we have achieved it ..." - said Mycroft with a triumphant smile, Sherlock looked at him surprised and completely incredulous. - "The work of weeks ... finally worked" –

\- "Eurus?" - asked Sherlock.

\- "That's right, little brother ... from the first days of February, our little sister will walk the streets of London freely, her identity will be back and she will be a British citizen, with rights and duties just like us" - Sherlock look turned in the dark forest, he could not hide his excitement, he could finally take his sister home. - "Only my signature is missing, the documents are coming ..."

\- "It will be a wonderful Christmas present for her, Myc ..." - Sherlock looked excitedly at his older brother and put his hand on his shoulder.

\- "I think so ..." - said Mycroft proudly.

\- "Your machinations worked once more, dear brother" - Sherlock lit a cigarette.

\- "That's right ..." - Mycroft said seriously and in a low voice - "Have you visited Victor Trevor in Sherrinford?" - The question was direct; Sherlock breathed smoke into his lungs and after a brief silence.

\- "You know the answer ... he has refused to see me" - Mycroft smiled, it was conveniently what he expected, Victor Trevor away from his family.

\- "Myc ... I have searched for information and in Switzerland there is an experimental treatment where they have been able to regenerate the dead tissue in patients who have suffered massive heart attacks as in your case ..." - Sherlock turned with his hands in his pockets and continued - "we could try it, what do you say? "Mycroft ducked his head; he knew his little brother needed time.

\- "Yes, you could find out more and ... see what happens" - Mycroft said softly, he could not deny that he felt the need to continue living, and on his heart harbored some of that stupid hope - "Sherlock ... I never told you this ..." - Mycroft looked at his little brother - "Thank you ..." - Sherlock just smiled happily, he knew how hard it was, the detective took off his scarf, he put it carefully in the Mycroft's neck.

\- "Come on ..." - I drop the cigarette butt to the snow avoiding the emotional context - "You're freezing ... I think it's time we go home" –

\- "Wait ..." - Mycroft took the hand of his little brother and Sherlock closed his eyes - "There is something else ..." - sigh distressed, a little uncomfortable fix the scarf and continued - "Tomorrow will be a year since I killed those mens…that I was in prison, Sherrinford, that I tried to kill myself and that I was finally imprisoned in a mental institution, we've been through a lot, brother mine…"- ... "- Mycroft looked at his house while he saw that his mother turned out the lights, he could not find the precise words, and he needed to be as sincere as possible -" The machinations ... you are right above all, brother, I have always carried this darkness with me, these inner demons, but you don't think for a moment that I have sought to harm you, I have only been too stupid, looking for a way to protect you "- Sherlock looked at the snow under his feet shining in the darkness - "and despite my deficiencies I tried it, and I did it because there was never a time in my life that I stopped caring you, Eurus and you, were always the most important thing in my life, until now "- Sherlock hugged his brother tenderly unable to stop flowing his words, had a lump in his throat. - "I know I have to pay for my mistakes, I have to pay for those things where I did more harm than good ... the final problem was always that, I must die to end a cycle, Sherlock" - Mycroft felt something of redemption in his words, and little brother looked at him and could feel the pain.

\- "I'm not ready to talk about that, I just know that Moriarty is part of the past, brother mine, you don't forget that we are human, and you now more than ever"-

\- "I'm not talking about Moriarty ... I'm talking …everyone loses something or someone in their lives... I just want you to understand, Sherlock, that I will not always be with you, physically, I know you need time, we've never been good at speaking between us, but if you want to tell me something, you can do it whenever you want" - The consulting detective turned without saying anything, knew that Mycroft was right, finish a cycle.

Sherlock thought it was a good time, Mycroft was not a person who get opened his soul naturally and remembering the words of John's therapist, he turned to see his brother's eyes - "There is somewhere you want to visit or something you want to do, Myc?”- said something nervous Sherlock.

\- "a bucket list, do you mean? What funny expressions people use sometimes" - said Mycroft laughing and Sherlock covered his mouth with the hand hiding his sadness, it was inevitable for the oldest to realize - "Sorry ..." - said quickly.

-"Then?" - said Sherlock.

\- "I have not thought yet ..." - Mycroft wrinkled his forehead thinking - "The truth is nobody has ever asked me that question before..." - Sherlock certainly don't doubt it, Mycroft was still a lonely person.

\- "Come on, there must be something you want to do ..." - said Sherlock enthusiastically.

\- "You know as a child I wanted to be an astronomer, but Uncle Rudy thought it was not a good option for our family ... you know, so I put that dream aside, but I always promised that I would visit an observatory one day" - Sherlock looked at the dark sky again, thinking, in the middle of winter it was difficult to find an observatory nearby and he really did not know if there was one in England.

-"Astronomy? Seriously?, I did not know you liked it" – Sherlock exclaimed surprise.

\- "That's right; you have forgotten that I had a small telescope on the rooftop of Musgrave?" - Sherlock looked to the side trying to remember but it was useless - "Once I told you it was impossible to count the stars in the sky ... of course you were a stubborn child not very different from what you are now, one night you ran away from home and went to the forest ... you wanted to count all the stars, and in the process you got lost ... and I… "-

\- "No, Mycroft, I do not remember ... do not insist" - said annoyed voice Sherlock. It wasn’t totally true, Sherlock  remember him that night but he wanted to avoid the context, and  perhaps a part of his memory of Mycroft had been replaced like Victor Trevor and Eurus, Sherlock knew that in his mind he had created his "archenemy", Mycroft was perfect in every sense of the word , but as the months passed he had realized that only in part, the image and creation of Mycroft in his mind was only part of his childhood, in his games the big brother was the antagonist, but behind that character that Sherlock he had created in his mind there was much more to admire and love, _\- "so much wasted time"_ \- Sherlock murmured, barely audible.

\- "What?" - said Mycroft breathing hard

\- "Nothing, brother mine" - blue lips, Sherlock knew that it was not the product of the cold - "Tired?" - Mycroft nodded - "Ok, stop, take a breath" - said worried and the older brother support his head on Sherlock's shoulder - "that's ..." - Sherlock held him in his arms.

\- "It's enough for me, Sherlock, spend my days with my family, with you, I do not need to travel or do anything extraordinary" - he sighed releasing the pressure in his chest.

\- "Then ... let me be with you until the end" - Sherlock looked into his eyes.

\- "Sherlock ... you know that ..." - Mycroft smiled sadly, he knew that could destroy Sherlock.

\- "Like a proper little brother" - the detective pleaded softly. It was inevitable; he could not protect his little brother this time. The snow began to fall on their heads and Mycroft kept silent, with his hand clean Sherlock's hair that was filled with snow, both walked slowly side by side, there was nothing more to say, the little brother was already shattered, It was not a family that celebrated Christmas, but this time it was necessary, it could be the last Christmas for Mycroft, and Sherlock knew how to pretend be fine, he should be happy, he should smile, not because he really felt it, he would only do it for his rubbish big brother, by Mycroft.

 

**_Christmas._ **

 

The throbbing of his heart, it was all he could hear, with his hand on his chest the sweat-soaked shirt, Mycroft was trying to release his breathing sitting on the bed, the dream had been so real, so dark and disturbing as one of his fantasies, the terror of his little sister was still chasing him every night, and the doubt as a result, he could have wrong again, but Mycroft had already signed the document, his subconscious tortured him in the most spooky way. The government official started coughing without being able to catch his breath, a familiar voice began to speak to him, it was calm and soft, he did not want to open his eyes, he felt exhausted by the effort and he rested his head on her shoulder.

 

\- "Myc, that's ... breathes" - She took a handkerchief from her pocket and began carefully to dry Mycroft's forehead, Daddy Holmes entered the room scared by the situation. - "One glass of water" - she said quickly.

-"What happened?" - asked worried Sherlock and approached quickly to look at his brother, Mycroft was pale, exhausted, and his lips turned purple, lack of oxygen, I knew that this was not good  - "I'll go for John" - quickly left the room.

\- "It is not necessary ..." - said Mycroft finally opening his eyes.

\- "Shhhh!, let him examine you or he will not leave you alone" - Eurus told him tenderly while holding Mycroft's head in her chest, he was unable to argue. - "You still have those nightmares as a child, Myc" - The big brother was silent, he had been traumatized just like Sherlock, but to a lesser extent, Eurus knew that the ghosts of the past were still chasing to Mycroft.

-"How do you feel?" - John said when he saw that Mycroft made a gesture of pain in his face and Sherlock approached worried - "It is the implanted defibrillator ... the discharges to correct the irregular beats it hurt many times, right, Mycroft?"- He nodded and the big brother looked around, surprised everyone was in his room.- "Your shirt is completely wet ..." - John helped Mycroft to open his shirt, the scars were visible, Sherlock closed his eyes - "Mycroft, breathe deeply" – John, ordered while looking at Sherlock with a smile.

\- "I feel some nausea...What time is it?" - Mycroft asked confused.

\- "Please do not talk ..." - threatened John and Mycroft looked at the ceiling, Mummy Holmes looked at him reprovingly.

\- "3:34 am" - answered Molly.

\- "The nausea is normal in your case it is symptoms of your advanced heart failure...his lungs are heard well, his pulse is a little high but it will be fine" - Sherlock breathed a sigh of relief. - "Molly please give me a syringe, and the bottle of morphine, it is what the doctor prescribed to you, he knew you would have trouble sleeping, Mycroft, this will help you breathe better" - John said confidently, the detective sat on the edge of bed, he knew that if John was there he could face any Mycroft health crisis. - "With this you will feel better and you can ... sleep" - John raised Mycroft's arm and wiped the visible vein with alcohol.

\- "You are not under any illusions, brother dear, the drug is only for tonight" - said Sherlock, and Mycroft looked at him questioningly.

\- "My son, here you have clean pajamas and your father brought water" - said Mummy Holmes with tenderness.

\- "Thanks to everyone" - said Mycroft, his parents looked surprised, the big brother had always been a snarky person, who rarely appreciated them, or was empathetic with them. Mycroft felt strangely protected in that little place, and he had never been cared for in that way before, or that someone really cared about him.

\- "I'll stay and take care of him the rest of the night ... if you do not mind" - everyone looked at each other when Eurus said these words,

\- "Yes, my daughter you can do it ... taken care of your brother " - Sherlock was uncomfortable, not completely sure, still had doubts like Mycroft, but he had to trust, he approached his little sister.

\- "Good night, Eurus, if you need something just wake me up, anything, will you?" - concluded the detective, the woman turned with a smile and closed the door behind her, Mycroft still not asleep.

\- "Feeling better?" - The big brother looked at her strangely.

-What are you doing here? - He said in a worried voice.

\- "I'll take care of you what's left of the night ..." - Mycroft looked at her in the dark, she had a sweet smile - "You took care of me many times ..." - she rested her head on the pillow, he looked at the ceiling, Mycroft drunk some water  to clear his throat and turned his head to look at his little sister.

\- "Eurus ... I have understood that it is not necessary to remain in the dark, when you can share that part of you, the darkness we have it with the people you love, sister mine, it will never disappear I assure you ... but it will be easier to bear" - Mycroft's words reached the depths of Eurus's soul, rarely had her brother spoken in this way, as personal as brothers. Eurus smiled, she knew that Mycroft in the darkness could not see her face, timidly she put her hand on his chest, and he took the hand of Eurus, it only took a few minutes until he fell asleep quickly by the effects of the drug, the little sister for many years had dreamed of killing Mycroft, and now he had him lying in bed, drugged and ill, she would not have a better chance, strangle him was the safest thing, she sighed deeply and thought about the sentimental context it was stronger, Mycroft, he was not the same person as before, now he is a kind brother, there was no reason to feel resentment. She softly removed her brother's arm and placed her head on his chest, the Mycroft's heart was struggles to beat, too weak, she concluded that there was not much time between them, she closed her eyes, and falling asleep too.

 

After Christmas dinner, Mycroft took Rosie in her arms and sat looking at the fireplace next to her, he watched her for a long time, she have the same eyes that her mother, there was no doubt, he could not forget the first time the he met her, with the years Mycroft never imagined that that woman was able to form a family, a cold assassin and calculating,  of course for Mycroft to have a family of his own wasn’t a pending or interesting matter, but now that he was holding Rosie in his arms the big brother questioned himself, he had spent so much time taking care of his little siblings that he had forgotten to make his own family, with the warmth of the place this made that the little girl begin to fall asleep, Mycroft supported her little head in his chest he turned to look at his siblings who were talking with his parents, suddenly he felt that he was absent, as if he were a ghost in the place, it was not bad or painful, he gave a little peace in his heart, see that Sherlock would have his little sister, John and Molly, they would not be alone anymore, it gave him consolation that maybe next Christmas at his parents' house would be the same as this one, and it should be.

 

Mycroft could not sleep, it was much easier to be wandering in the darkness of the house than to lie on the bed and struggle to breathe, he looked out the window, outside began to snow again, thinking that he was not observed for anyone, he took the bottle of liquor, whiskey, I did not drink a year ago, Mycroft looked at the translucent coffee liquid and put his nose to the glass, the aromas of wood, phenol, oil, the whisky's fragrance was impregnated in his lungs as a maximum pleasure, he supported himself in the frame of the window something insecure drank his first sip, and closed his eyes, the bitter liquid burned his throat, but there was more, and he remembered that he was an ex alcoholic.

 

\- "You should not drink ..." - said Molly with a cup of tea in her hand, Mycroft looked at her tenderly. - "It's not good for your heart" - she said unsurely, the big brother still looked imposing and powerful, with his blue three-piece suit and red tie.

\- "You're right, cannot you sleep?" - He subtly diverted the conversation, while leaving the glass on the table.

\- "No, I made a tea ... maybe this will help me" -

\- "In my college years, there were many nights that was spent with insomnia ... looking over and over the ceiling" - Mycroft took a vinyl from a box - "While others came out to get drunk, I listened to music, it was a way to calm my restless mind ... jazz was all I had and also classic music, obviously. "- the government official turned and showed her the vinyl.

\- "Miles Davis ..." - she read confused - "Who is he?" - asked Molly as she sat down.

\- "A jazz musician, the best trumpeter of his generation I must admit, have you ever heard jazz, Miss Hooper?" - Molly crossed her legs while looking with interest at Mycroft.

\- "Never" - she admitted with shame.

\- "That's unacceptable!" - Exclaimed Mycroft surprised, and placed the needle of the record player calculating accurately - "It's something that we must solve, do not you think?" - He turned and walked across the room, stood in front of Molly and offered his hand to her.

\- "I don’t know ...I should not…" - she said while she took the hand of the government official scared.

\- "Just follow me ...feel the music" - said Mycroft whispering in her ear and taking her waist, Molly took his shoulder, the sensual sound of Chez' Le Photographe Du Motel’s trumpet began to sound throughout the room, Mycroft smiled sweetly, he couldn't ignore that she was nervous, he could hear her breathing fast and somehow that pleased him.

 

The dance was so soft and subtle between the two that they forgot where they were, the place and the music belonged to them, every movement, as well as that unique moment, Molly would never forget it, she had never felt that way, she would never forget his warm and soft hands, the sweetness in his look, those deep blue eyes, without saying anything, she put her head on his shoulder, it was an intimate moment, there was nothing to say, they sought some consolation from that which was impossible, both danced around the room to the beat of the soft music almost they hypnotized by it, their thoughts were far away but at the same time united, as if they were separated by different era, they didn't belong in time, that's how they felt, Mycroft, he never imagined such a moment in his life, he enjoyed every second of Molly's company until the music was over, it had to end, and he knew it, they both stayed together, she could feel the Mycroft's heart trying to get out of his chest, and Molly didn't want to leave.

 

-"Will not you invite me to dance too, dear brother?" - The voice interrupted the moment and Mycroft looked at Eurus, immediately Molly let go of his hand.

\- "Yes ...yes…of course" - said uncomfortable Mycroft.

\- "I think I should leave, it's too late" - said Molly taking her cup of tea.

\- "Stay Molly ... it's just jealousy from my little sister" - said Sherlock trying to relax the tension, and dropped his body on the couch - "I did not know that you dance too, Myc" - concluded Sherlock.

 

Mycroft looked seriously at Sherlock, he would never hurt his baby brother, after Sherrinford, after the "I love you", the official knew that Molly and Sherlock must be together, and also the time had passed for him, tired he sighed deeply trying calm down his heart, he walk once across the room to the record player, and chose a song for Eurus, her little sister had never danced, Mycroft finally smiled and she jumped into his arms, the big brother was beginning to get used to this new facet of his life, to be an affectionate big brother, to be part of his family, to be an big brother present, Sherlock started recording how his two siblings danced , maybe he would try one day, he look at Molly and she took his arm, John joined them more than surprised, none of those present would forget this special night, this Christmas night.

 

The time passed as quickly as could be expected, the snow had melted almost completely, and as an omen Sherlock knew that things would definitely change in his life, three weeks ago that Eurus had moved to the third floor of Baker Street along with Mycroft , he could not deny it, he was happy, he had John and Rosie on the floor, his big brother had finally gotten away with it, the detective looked at the photos of his unusual birthday sitting by the window, a smile on his face, on January 6, Mycroft made a little surprise party to him in his little cottage in Chichester, they walked through Witterings Beach, it was an unforgettable afternoon for the detective, after years they were a family and not only in concept, It was real.

 

**_Car downstairs. M_ **

 

He looked out the window, the black car was waiting for him, he kept his cell phone in the pocket, excitedly put on his coat, and the detective would never suspect, there was no reason, the auto stopped at The Mall.

 

\- "We were waiting for you, Sherlock" - Lady Smallwood said softly, hiding her nervousness. Sherlock subtly looked around the  Mycroft's office, he was sitting at his desk, Lady Smallwood and Eurus sitting in front of him - "Please, take a seat" - There was nothing to infer, the variable to consider in the equation, Eurus, his little sister , and Mycroft, he had made his last calculation, it was something to be expected.

\- "Why am I here, Mycroft?" - asked the detective quickly, and Mycroft looked to the side, he knew that this would be more difficult than he expected, it was convenient to be direct and precise, he didn't want to leave doubt or loose ends. He stopped and looked at his desk, took his coat and for the first time had noticed the absence of his umbrella, walked around the desk and put his hands on the shoulders of his little sister.

\- "Come on, Eurus ..." - the government official spoke softly encouraging his little sister, Eurus walked to the seat of Mycroft and sat down, Sherlock looked down - "Sherlock, I just signed my retirement" - Mycroft turned to look at the detective - "Since tomorrow our little sister will take my place in the British government, she has acquired enough experience that she will not let us down" - he added proudly of his words.

\- "Eurus will not only help us in internal matters, it will also ask you for help in some cases" - added Lady Smallwood. Eurus looked at Sherlock with a smile, silently watching the events; he knew it would not be easy for the detective to accept it.

\- "I and Eurus will solve cases together now, Mycroft?" - The sarcasm in Sherlock's voice baffled Mycroft who uncomfortably looked away and ran his hand over his face. It had only been a few weeks since Christmas and the health of his big brother had deteriorated to the point that it was untenable for him to go to the government cabinet every day, Mycroft felt completely useless and frustrated, he spent most of the day in company Sherlock and his parents, and he knew he had to put an end to this, a retirement was not in his plans, but the big brother just wanted to spend more time with his family.

\- "Yes, Sherlock, that's right, my siblings will work together ... in the same way that I and you have done it for years" - concluded Mycroft firmly and without any expression, as cold as always, were his final words. - "Surely, you have a lot to talk about ... I'll wait outside" - he looked at his office with nostalgia for the last time, and winked at his little sister, Sherlock didn't look at him when Mycroft closed the door behind him, the big brother felt somehow one more chapter was closed, he should not leave loose ends, he should not leave his family without protection, while Eurus was there she could take care of them, she promised him. he take out a cigarette, it was what he did every time he got home, every time Mycroft had a meeting or made a decision, he knew that the  overwork would kill him slowly, he inhaled the smoke in his lungs and he started to cough, he was getting more difficult to catch your breath.

\- “Brother Mine, do you feel nostalgic about suicide again as in your childhood?”- Sherlock looked at him with fury- “Mycroft, you're stupid!" - Sherlock quickly hit his brother's hand, and the cigarette flew through the air falling a few meters away.

\- " You know that an idea is like a virus, it will never leave you really free ...also I’m an adult person, Sherlock" - exclaimed Mycroft annoyed while taking another cigarette.

\- "You are a person who doesn't care that others, like me, make efforts to take care of you while you keep killing yourself, Myc" - Sherlock took the cigarette box and kept it in his pocket with rage, Mycroft did not answer and support his body on the wall, he was tired and depressed, he needed to be honest once more, his only friend had always been his little brother, many of his thoughts he had shared with him, but Mycroft just could not find the precise words. He turned his head after a few long minutes of silence and looked at Sherlock.

\- "I really care..." - Sherlock sighed deeply while adjusting his scarf - "Sherlock, maybe I should start the arrangements for my funeral ..." - The little brother looked at him exasperated and brought the hands to his face, without even thinking about it he approached it enough to Mycroft to see his deep blue eyes.

\- "Yes, Mycroft, you should do it ..." - Sherlock said coldly and angrily, the big brother always managed to somehow upset him, but this time Mycroft had been sincere. - "Do what you want" - it was the distant and indifferent answer, Sherlock did not wait, climbed the stairs as fast as he could, just thinking that in his flat would be Rosie and John, they are his greatest comfort.

 

The last two weeks, Mycroft had spent a few days at his parents' house, enjoying his retirement, and Sherlock planned to travel that day and meet his siblings, but John moved Sherlock's arm, the detective had fallen asleep on the couch, confused, he sat up quickly and ran his hands through his hair and eyes, he felt tired, weak as never before, there were days when he only slept briefly.

 

\- "Sherlock, don’t you hear the ring of your mobile cell? ..." - John spoke almost whispering, the detective looked at him in the dark trying to find his cell phone, John's eyes were of concern, and Sherlock could feel that something very bad had happened.

\- "What's the matter?" - Sherlock closed his eyes, a shooting pain was like a dagger in his head, and the headache was intense.

\- "Do you feel good?" - John asked.

\- "Yes, tell me what happens ..." - said Sherlock.

\- "Mycroft is in the hospital" - Sherlock held his breath almost instantly and a cold shiver ran down his spine. - "Eurus called me, after calling you about 15 times ..." -

\- "How is my brother, John?" – He asks worried.

\- "They do not know yet, Eurus said: that your brother had pass out... a car is waiting for you ...that’s all I know" - the younger brother dropped his face in his hands - "Sherlock, this will happen more and more often, you know, right?"- John put his hand on Sherlock's shoulder; the little affection was more than enough. - "I've never been through something like that, but I can only tell you don’t forget ... you're not alone ... you have me, and your brother have you, he needs you now" - said John wisely, he was right - "do you want me to go with you?"-

\- "Thanks John" - Sherlock smiled sadly as he glanced at him - "No, take care of Rosie ... I'll call you" - Sherlock stood and took his cell phone, the incoming calls from his parents and little sister, more than 20, he sighed deeply, his chest tightened, sure this was serious.

 

The damp floor, the cold east wind streamed through the streets of London, Sherlock from the St Barth's rooftop watched the saddest dawn until now, the sky lit up in the clouds, and the city that had housed him for years was beginning to awaken, he looked at the mobile phone, the messages and calls kept coming, he was unable to answer, he was unable to speak, sure, John, Molly, Lestrade, Mrs. Hudson already knew it, Sherlock only had to do one more thing, talk with Mycroft, the two brothers had passed by a lot and the detective still didn't give up, helpless without being able to change the destiny and save Mycroft, he took with strength the railing that separated him from the precipice, with rage he began to kick the door again and again until he fell to the floor tired and dejected

 

\- "Here you are ...!" - exclaimed Eurus, his little sister was silent for a moment - "Mycroft told me I could find you here" - Eurus sat next to Sherlock, took his hand  - "He also told me that ... he wants to see you" - Sherlock rested his head on the wall, watched as the clouds moved across the sky.

\- "I cannot do it ..." - Sherlock's voice broke - "I cannot stand to see him suffer ... Eurus, I just cannot ..." - Sherlock swallowed down a lump in his throat.

\- "I know, Sherlock ... just do it for him, we don’t have much time" - Sherlock put both hands to his face, and part of the dim sunlight illuminated his face.

-“Did you ever think that Mycroft would become a loving big brother? “-Sherlock asked while looking at his little sister.

-“Never…”- Eurus' eyes moistened –“… not in one million years, but I was wrong, Sherlock, very wrong”- Her look was one of deep sadness, resignedly she sighed briefly.

-“ I was also wrong, I think that Mycroft really always was ... we just couldn't see him ... “-Eurus stood next to his brother, rests her head on his shoulder and takes his arm tightly –“Now… we lose him again”- a mixture of emotions ran through his mind and he wanted to think that this was just a bad dream.

-“Myc will always be with us… How could we forget our loving older brother?”-   Eurus closed his eyes, letting himself be carried away by the emotions.

 

Sherlock could feel as his body fell numb at every step he walked, his parents looked at him with tenderness, Molly and Lestrade hugged him as he passed, the consulting detective opened the door trying to cause as little noise as possible, his brother was surrounded by machines once again monitoring every reaction of his ill body, the little brother sat next to Mycroft's bed and Sherlock looked at him incessantly.

-"Hey Bro!" - Sherlock said trying to feign happiness when seeing Mycroft began to wake up - "How do you feel, brother mine?" - Mycroft just winked at him and smiled weakly, the detective struggling to control his emotions, the sadness invaded him and seeing his brother like this, destroyed him once more. - "Do you want to drink water?" - Sherlock asked, but Mycroft took the hand of his little brother, the detective turned to look at him.

\- "Take me ... home" - said Mycroft barely, his breathing became difficult and Sherlock carefully helped him to fit the oxygen mask, finally nodded and with his hand tenderly began to caress the head of his big brother until that Myke falling asleep again, Sherlock’s eyes got wet, he couldn't help it, by the time Sherlock started assimilating what the doctor had told him, Mycroft's heart and his kidneys were so compromised that a transplant was unfeasible, nothing else could be done for him, Mycroft would die soon, neither the power nor the money nor the deductive abilities of Sherlock could avoid it, Mycroft was dying, and Sherlock how could refuse the last wishes of his big brother, Sherlock promised to him before Mycroft was secluded in a the mental institution, that day, he hug him in one of the cabinet office's interrogation rooms, how he could forget it, home sweet home.

 

**_One week before spring_ **

 

Chichester, the final resting place, the place where Mycroft had always found peace, escaping from London, his reality and everything he hated, spent entire nights lying in the sand in complete solitude observing the stars, just accompanied by a cigar in one hand and from a glass of whiskey in the other one, Mycroft for years became so accustomed to loneliness, flooding his emptiness with only thoughts, machinations, he was a dragon more Sherlock should had to hunt, he often thought that he would die alone that some people would find his body a few days later in a state of decomposition, but the reality was different, he turned his head slowly and Rose Watson, she played with a bucket with sand , a few meters away was John, Eurus and his mother talking animatedly, surely his father would be setting the table for dinner, Sherlock and Molly together dipping their feet in the cold waters of the Celtic Sea, like a painting freshly painted Mycroft closed his eyes keeping the perfect image as a precious memory, this is the moment he wanted to remember when the time will came, his family, the sound of the sea, and the warm south wind that gently hit his face.

-“Ok, listen to me Watson now!”- Mycroft looked with great seriousness at the little girl -“Seneca says: _No one can lead a happy life, or even one that is bearable, without the pursuit of wisdom, and that the perfection of wisdom is what makes the happy life, although even the beginnings of wisdom make life bearable... Yes this conviction, clear as it is, needs to be strengthened and given deeper roots through daily reflection; making noble resolutions is not as important as keeping the resolutions you have made already..._ ** _”-_** Rosie had thrown away to "Sebastian the Crab" with which she played while Mycroft was reading, the big brother wrinkled his forehead - " this cannot continue this way, Watson, our relationship is not working, I'm reading philosophy for you, I need you to reflect on your life, but no, you're like your obstinate mother, Watson" - he said almost whispering, the little girl smiled, while raising her arms for Mycroft to take her in his arms, Mycroft simply couldn't help it, this burned his heart,  the big brother accommodated his nasal cannula and he handed her the toy again, he put aside the book, Letters from a Stoic - Seneca, the same book that his therapist had recommended; it seemed that this was years ago, Mycroft sat up with difficulty, breathing deeply from the effort and started coughing.

 

\- "Do you have difficulty breathing?" - Sherlock crouched and watched his brother, Mycroft shook his head, - "Ok ..." - he said worried, he know that Mycroft was lying and averting his gaze - "How are you doing with this little human?" - Sherlock asked as he touched Rosie's face.

\- "Excellent ... she doesn't bother me, she doesn't speak...it is the most important thing and it is much better company than I could say my own siblings when they were children ..." - Mycroft feeling tired and Sherlock laughed.

\- "You're a liar, brother dear; I think it's time to go back to home... Myc" - wrinkling his forehead, Mycroft made an effort to breathe, a few days ago Mycroft had become dependent on oxygen for 24 hours, the Mycroft's health deteriorates too fast, at night he could only sleep with the help of morphine, it made his breathing easier, and Sherlock stayed with him as much as possible, his brother's life vanished like water between his fingers.

 

\- "I would like to see the sunset ..." – it seemed harder to swallow for him that before.

\- "Are you okay, Myc?" - asked his mother, Mycroft sighed deeply.

\- "I could run the London marathon without any problem ... dear mother" - he said sarcastically.

\- "Don't play smart with me!, Myc, it's enough for me that you tell me, you're fine" - Mummy Holmes crouches mournfully and fixes the collar of Mycroft's shirt.

\- "Mum ... for god sake!" - exclaimed Mycroft uncomfortably.

\- "its better that you leave her, Myc..." - said Eurus smiling.

\- "You can be 50 years old, Mycroft, but you still have difficulties to fix your shirt ... I'll bring you a blanket" - she said imperatively.

\- "49 years will be this year ..." - Mycroft paused, he knew he wouldn't be in July, on July 7 is his birthday, by then he would be part of the inventory of the cemetery, but the words and his hidden desires flowed faster, his mother quickly got up and started walking to the house between sobs accompanied by Eurus, John took Rosie and Molly walk next to him.

-“Try working on sensitivity, Mycroft!”- Sherlock dropped, buried his fingers in anger in the still warm, soft sand, thinking, just thinking about what his brother had said.

 

The last few minutes, the warm light reaching his pale skin felt good and Mycroft somehow knew that this would be his last sunset, he looked at his brother who also contemplated the beautiful landscape, his look was sad, he knew that Sherlock needed talk, Mycroft was not good for this, while waiting the precise moment, the stars began to appear slowly on the horizon, it would be a moonless night, the night began to fall and finally all lightning of light disappeared in the firmament, the big brother bowed his head.

 

\- "I'm terrified ..." - He said as he took a handful of sand in his hand, Sherlock turned his surprised face without understanding what his brother was talking about. - "I'm afraid of dying ... Sherlock" - from the depth of his heart was what he felt, being more human, in a society where pretending was the best and of course, without repressing himself he keep hoping that at some point, Sherlock would the same, Sherlock took Mycroft's hand tightly and looked away, he did not want his big brother to see him, his throat tightened with each breath, then a few minutes fighting against his feelings he looked at the starry sky, Sherlock broke the silence between them.

\- "I don't want you to die ..." - The voice of his little brother damaged him, Sherlock turned his face away and the wind moved his hair - "I did ... everything I could for you, but still it was not enough ... I could not save you, Myc, I could not, I'm sorry...I'm sorry "- Mycroft hugged his little brother. - "I don't know ... what I will do without you, Myc" –

\- "Look at me ... you saved me Sherlock, You avoided that I getting to kill Victor Trevor that night, you prevented from I falling further into that deep darkness" - he said softly, his eyes shining in the darkness, Mycroft with his hands clean Sherlock's face. - "It is not your fault ... it has never been, my little brother" - he breathe deeply - "Sherlock, you're strong because you know that you are imperfect and you are wise because you always have doubts ... that is why you are better man than me, I've always known it since we were kids, my weaknesses have been my condemnation, none of this is your fault, do you understand?" - Sherlock felt that his chest was relieved with every word of Mycroft. - "When I'm not you will continue to do what you do, solving cases with John, bothering our parents...and special this one...please promise me that"- Sherlock finally smiled - "but about one thing, I'm not complete sure if you will be the mother or father figure of Rosie  ... I cannot yet deduce it" - both brothers laughed together.

\- "Don't be silly, Mycroft!" - Exclaimed laughing and Mycroft continued.

 - "You will be an excellent father, Sherlock, I watched you with Rosie ..." -

\- "I've learned from you ..." - Both brothers looked at each other.

\- "What I'm trying to tell you is that ... if you remember me one day, you can always find me in your mind and in your memories, little brother, in your mind, I'll always be there for you" - Sherlock smiled sadly, breathing heavily, relieving his anguish - "I'll be waiting for you, my old friend, ... I hope not too soon, not too soon "- concluded Mycroft kissing his forehead. The darkness came so quickly, some boats in the distance could be seen, boats crossing the English Channel, it did not take too long until Eurus joined them, the three siblings lay down in the warm sand, looking at the dark immensity of the universe, they had never shared such a moment before, they had never had an opportunity until that night.

 

**_March Equinox_ **

 

Sherlock looked at the picture of both for the last time, sitting on his bed, he felt he was going to faint at any moment, his heart was pounding in his chest, the detective looked at the contents of the syringe through the dim light of the candle, he was desperate, he knew what he had to do but he resisted reality, with his hands shaking he put the syringe in his pocket, by the time he left the room, his family was gathered in the great hall, the fireplace was lit , but he ignored all signs, even his parents seemed to be absent, the mental and physical pain was too intense.

 

\- "Drugs do not work ..." - said John trying to control his emotions, Mycroft had been hours with an insufficient saturation, he was drowning with his own fluids; pulmonary edema in a couple of hours was inevitable.

\- "Increase the dose of morphine ..." - said Papa Holmes anguished.

\- "It will cause him an arrhythmia that his heart could not bear, and then an overdose...." - added Molly.

_\- Overdose ... -_ Sherlock thought, he had already thought it, far from all ethics, John looked at him with concern and noticed that his friend moved his hand in his pocket as touching something obsessively.

\- "We could try inserting a chest tube into his lungs ... before yesterday he gave results ..." - Sherlock closed his eyes and remembered his brother's pain, the medical procedure was so aggressive that it ended up weakening Mycroft even more.

\- "No ... no more ..." - Sherlock leaned on the wall while his family looked at him with surprise, he understood that continuing the palliative treatment would only be an agony for his brother - "Mycroft is in pain, he is suffering, just like us ... "- The heartbreaking words of the little brother only made his mother begin to cry, a cruel truth, a part of Sherlock's soul was dying with him, walked to the door of the room and John took his arm.

\- "Sherlock, I know it's a hard time ... but do not do something that you'll regret later ..." - John warned him, Sherlock had seen many dead in his life, trying with them every day, outside or inside the morgue of St Barth, but this is beyond understanding for Sherlock, seeing Mycroft fight for each inhalation, that's destroyed him.

 

The monitor alarm did not stop ringing, his heart struggled to maintain a normal heartbeat and gasping for breath, Sherlock knew that the moment that had terrified him the most had arrived and he was not yet prepared for the inevitable, he took the chair and placed it together to the bed, Eurus looked at him in anguish, together they had decided to stay with Mycroft as long as possible, he approached Mycroft placed the head of his brother carefully on the pillow, and the big brother opened his eyes somewhat confused by the lack of oxygen, but still smiled when he saw that Sherlock was there.

 

\- "Myc ... is there something I can do for you?" - the impotence in his voice was evident, Mycroft knew what Sherlock meant, they never spoke about it, but he knew his little brother so well that there was not much that deduct in your question, Mycroft slowly took his hand, he wasn't going to let that happen, Sherlock bear the guilt of his death.

\- "Play for me ..." - it was all that Mycroft could say, Sherlock nodded, was willing to do anything for him, both siblings looked at each other in the same way they had when they were in Sherrinford, facing each other. The soft sound of Eurus's violin crossed the walls of the room, his parents, Lestrade, John and Molly could hear and it was like a balm to their anguish, Sherlock took a few seconds until he decided to raise the bow and joined her in canon, the music in many ways for Mycroft expresses that which _cannot be said_ and on which it is _impossible_ to be _silent_ , and he knew that his siblings needed it, each note was a consolation even for Mycroft who was beginning to fall into a deep sleep, after hours of not being able to sleep, he finally gave in to the sound of the strings while outside it started to rain once more.

 

By the time he woke up he could only hear the monitor ringing and the waves crashing on the shore of the beach, and Mycroft had the strange feeling that he had died, but only the pain in his chest and the lack of air finally proved to him that he was wrong, the big brother made an effort and opened his eyes, there was still darkness in the place, it was not raining, he noticed that at the end of the room was Eurus lying on the sofa and John sitting in a corner both sleeping, Sherlock was right, he was not alone anymore, his baby brother had his head on the bed and was holding his hand, he looked uncomfortable and tired, Mycroft smiled tenderly, put his hand on Sherlock’s head, and just began to caress him, it was all the love that could give him, without regrets, it had been his best months of his life, and Mycroft was grateful in every sense of the word, were long minutes where he was reunited with the past of his bad and good memories, vanishing one by one, words and wounds.

 

-"Myc? ..." - Sherlock said as he wiped his eyes, trying to recover himself he looked at Mycroft who was watching him with a sweet smile, the little brother did not stop looking at him as if trying not to forget his face and his voice.

\- "I'm ready ..." - Mycroft squeezed his brother's hand, Sherlock gulped, realizing the Mycroft's words and looking at the ceiling tried to control himself. - "Take me ... see… the dawn ..." - Mycroft said trying to take off the oxygen mask.

\- "Let me help you ... old friend mine" - Sherlock stood and his hands trembled, watched him a few seconds.

 

The roses and damp soil impregnated the whole garden with a sweet scent that morning, the clouds had disappeared from the horizon and the stars began to fade one after another, the sound of the sea and the mist was all they had in front of them. The first day of spring and it seemed that the cold had dissipated, it was a perfect day, they was completely alone, Sherlock started to follow the path with the wheelchair where there was a small view of the beach, surrounded by grass and trees, and in between from it a bench, in silence Sherlock squatted next to Mycroft removing him the blanket on his feet.

 

Mycroft needs to say it, even if his brother knew, if he was sure of something, his last words would be for Sherlock, and he had thought about it for months, finally he looked at him. - "I love you ... brother ... mine" - he said weakly, barely breathed. Sherlock stood motionless and gritted his teeth, there was nothing he could do and without being able to continue fighting, he began to cry.

\- "I love you too ... I'll miss you, Myc" - he rested his head on Mycroft's chest, listening for the last time his heart and let himself go, tears came to the big brother's face, nobody said it would be easy, but he felt no more fear, both tried to seek consolation, the little brother, he took a deep breath, Sherlock hold to Mycroft in his lap.

 

The wind was blowing from the south, Mycroft turned his face, and he remembered that afternoon with his brothers looking at the stars, tried uselessly to take a deep breath for the last time, released the little air he had in his lungs, Mycroft cannot feel his body, but if the weak sunlight, that small warm moment on his skin, was his last dawn, he took Sherlock's hand and Mycroft decided to close his eyes, the detective embraced him with strength, like he wanted to retain forever this moment, his heartbeat diminished, the anguish of the little brother increased and he did not want him to leave without knowing that he remembered him. _\- No, Mycroft, I do not remember ... do not insist -_

 

\- "That night I got run away to the forest, I remember it as if it were yesterday" - whispered in Mycroft's ear as his breathing weakened more and more - "I walked for one hour away as far as possible ... by the time you found me, I was lying with a blanket next to a tree "- Sherlock looked at the face of Mycroft that seemed to sleep peacefully -" I remember that you were happy to find me and that you were not angry, not disappointed, you wrapped me in your coat and you took me on your back the rest of the way, when we got home was dawning like now, the same color in the sky "- Sherlock's voice broke, - "Our mother grounded you ... she blame you for what happened and... I just kept quiet" - Mycroft made a slight sound trying to breathe and Sherlock tightened his hands - "The truth is that that night I did not go out to count stars ... I remember that you were traveling that morning to school at London for first time, and I knew you would go looking for me, despite the darkness, no matter the distance, and I knew you would lose your bus ticket ... and I did not want you to leave home, Myc, I didn't want to lose my brother, but always you come back to home, every time that I saw you, I wanted to have enough time and courage to tell you, that you mean a lot to me, that I didn't want you to say me: goodbye ... just: See you later, brother mine!, just like now...”- Sherlock put his hand on Mycroft's heart, his irregular heartbeat gave him the signal – “I’ll not forget you, Brother mine, I’ll see you soon, Myc"- The little brother looked at Mycroft's face in peace, his words were his own consolation and just Mycroft breathed for the last time, Sherlock dropped his head while tears fell down his cheeks and he hold him as if he were going to lose him, only that this time it was real, Sherlock stayed there hugging him for long minutes, he tried to pacify his pain but it was impossible, the waves kept hitting and the sun finally came out on the horizon behind hills, but to Sherlock didn't matter the existence of anything else around him.

Mycroft had been wrong for the last time _\- Brother Mine, you must accept the nature of life, you and I will bury our parents, I will die before you and possibly Eurus will bury you, I do not understand why you still worry about that. -_ These words came to his memory while in front of him was Mycroft's coffin. The funeral was private, a small number of people arrived, only the closest ones, there were no great speeches, only Lady Smallwood spoke, there weren't many flowers but if a green meadow, the place was on a small hill, next to a leafy and old tree, the wind moved the leaves without stopping and you could see part of London from there, and Baker Street, as if Mycroft still wanted to observe his little siblings from that beautiful place, Sherlock smiled sadly at the thought of this, Mycroft always put on eye for details  and Sherlock did not doubt that this was so.

Since the death of Mycroft, the detective spent all day locked in his room, he didn't want to see anyone, and at nights sat by the window, waiting for something or someone, John looked from the kitchen to his friend with concern, he was suffering in silence too, but John never imagined the impact that the death of the big brother would have for him, from hatred to love, that was the relationship between John and Mycroft, John finally recognized that he admired all the dedication, the love that Mycroft had for his family and especially for his siblings, Mycroft was also his family and it seemed that Sherlock didn't consider this option or any other.

\- "Just, time, patience and a lot of love, John" - were the words of Mrs. Hudson, it had been three weeks since the death of Mycroft, she took out of a box two packages wrapped in a beautiful brown paper, the doctor looked at her curious - "John, did you really think that Mycroft would leave his little siblings without past and present?" –

Sherlock couldn’t sleep, he looked at the syringe, still contained the crystalline liquid, morphine, but closed his eyes fighting, the little brother had made a promise, his last promise, he sat uncomfortably on the edge of the bed, he look the photo, it was a ritual, Sherlock could not stop seeing Mycroft, and his heart was breaking every time, he walked across the corridor in the darkness, and the detective saw the little package in front of him on the table, it had his name on it, It was not difficult for him to identify Mycroft's handwriting, Sherlock took the package in his arms and sat down by the window, he stood there watching as the cars and people passed, until finally it began to dawn, he sighed deeply, releasing all the anguish on his chest, and slowly opened it, a book and there was a small note on it.

 

**_My little Brother, Sherlock._ **

**_There is a meadow in my perfect world._ **

**_Where wind dances the branches of the tree..._ **

**_The tree stands tall...and.. grand and alone, shading the world beneath it._ **

**_There will come a day when I rest against its spine and look out over a valley where the sun warms, but never burns._ **

**_I will watch leaves turn...green, then amber, then crimson._ **

**_Then no leaves at all...but the tree will not die._ **

**_For in this place, winter never comes..._ **

**_It is here, in the cradle of all I hold dear, I guard every memory of you, brother mine._ **

**_And when I find myself frozen in the mud of the real far from your loving eyes, I will return to_ **

**_this place, close mine, and take solace in the simple perfection of knowing you, Sherlock._ **

**_Love you, Myc._ **

Sherlock read again and again the words of Mycroft, until the tears didn't allow him to continue reading, the little brother waited a few minutes and wiped his face with the sleeve of his blue dressing gown, opened what appeared to be a book, on each sheet there were photos of when they were children, his parents, Eurus, Mycroft, even Victor Trevor and Uncle Rudy appeared in some ones, it were photos of Musgrave, Sherlock slowly began to remember, the memories were diffuse but increasingly clear, a permanent smile began to draw on his face, and some joy in his heart, he would finally build his past, and in a small footnote written by Mycroft on the last page, **_\- Here the memories of your past, Eurus has those of your present, brother mine –_** Sherlock never mentioned that Mycroft died in his arms, he didn't talk about Mycroft's death until his last days, his parents and friends, they understood him, it was Sherlock's way of carrying on his grief, John knew that every night Sherlock was reunited with his big brother in his mental palace, and in Sherlock’s mind, Mycroft had never really died, sometimes the consulting detective spoke of him as if Mycroft were still present, the love between them was too much to let it go.

 

**_A few weeks later._ **

****

John stood up from the bench and Sherlock followed him, both friends started walking, from the same bench he was sitting on when Mike Stamford spoke to him that day, that day that would change his life, minutes before meeting Sherlock, John looked around it, Russell Square Gardens, he smiled thinking about everything the Holmes siblings had taught him, Sherlock look at the note in it had written an address _\- 17 Northington St. don't think about it anymore, John. M -_ it was the last note of Mycroft for John, he smiled slightly, it was ironic for him to think that despite their differences, despite the lies and family secrets, of what the pain of the past implied, the Holmes siblings stayed together after of all these years, the love between them was stronger, and if there was anything John could do was understand this simple fact.

Northington was a small, lonely street very close to the Charles Dickens museum,- "I think I'll get until here, John" - With his hands in the pockets of the coat, Sherlock stopped at the corner, John nodded and the detective looked at the cloudy sky, it was about to rain, soon the autumn would begin,

\- "John? The umbrella! - Sherlock exclaimed almost shouting, John walked up to his friend - "You will not need it after all" - said Sherlock smiling.

\- "I'll return by cab or I'll call you" - John answered quickly, moved his hands restlessly.

-“You’ll be fine ... stop worrying, John …”- Sherlock said confidently, after he watch that his friend was unable to control himself. –“besides… What's the worst that could happen?”-

-“Do people change?”- John asked as he fixed his tie.

-“Yes, John, naturally…well, as Mycroft says: balance of probability”- Sherlock's eyes gleamed and John looked at him tenderly.  

 

He stood in front of the porch, somewhat nervous and undecided, and for the first time in a long time he felt afraid, John didn't want to be rejected once again, turned his face and there was still Sherlock standing at the corner, and he decided to ring the bell, the seconds were eternal, he could feel his heart beating, John breathe deeply and listen to those distinctive steps and the door slowly opened.

\- "You missed me, Harriet?" - John said nervously, his eyes shining with emotion, she instead said nothing, looked at him for a few seconds and finally extended her arms to receive her brother, John hug her tightly, she kissed him on the cheek and quickly took his hand.

 

Sherlock saw John disappear behind the door, probably the conversation would last for hours between John and Harriet, and the little brother looked at Mycroft's umbrella, sighed deeply with nostalgia and sadness - "Let's take a walk, Myc!" - he said smiling despite all, slowly the first drops of rain began to fall and the detective opened the umbrella as he walked along the Thames's Riviera, he pressed the coat to his chest, looked at his hand, the ring was still there, in the wake the memories resurfaced in his mind, in every corner of London, the walks from Baker Street to Diogenes Club, or when together they went to eat Chinese food, he looked at his side and although there was nobody there he could feel Mycroft next to _him - I'll always be there for you -_ Sherlock bowed his face and just smiled sweetly, in the distance the detective saw his sister who started running towards him, Eurus took his arm, the figure of both siblings began to disappear among the tourists and Londoners who were walking through in Westminster Abbey at that time, the darkness came, but it was something natural, like always, the lights were reflected in the waters of the deep river, and the wind in its wake moved the leaves of the trees that fell to the ground, it one after the other until the noise of the city start disappeared finally.

 

_THE END_

 

****

_~ Like I'm gonna lose You  by  xSoulx ~_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter, a long version, more sentimental than ever, when I writed this last chap it was a mixture of emotions it based on different stories,I hope you like it... sorry for the delay and my last words: thanks for reading :)

**Author's Note:**

> * the english is not my native languague, so I'm sorry if I got many mistake in my writting, I hope you enjoy it :) *


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